I was writing yesterday how what we consume influences our experience by forcing a creative imaginative process, or feeding thoughts directly so we needn't create anything at all. Much of what we choose to consume in the current environment is passive and doesn't activate or develop our potential or capabilities. But of course consumption is like breathing, where we are always consuming from our environment, whether we choose it intentionally or not. To choose the air we breathe, we'd have to plan ahead and be very intentional. Suffice to say, we tend not to be in our daily lives.
Whether we are classically creative or not, we all create stories that provide the content of our lives and drive our behaviours. Our "view" of the world gives us understanding and motivation for our behaviours. Which means that if we want to change what we do, we need to change what we believe about the world, change our story. It is good to note that whatever we believe, none of these stories are reality, they are all a version that we act on as if truth, even when they are heavily flawed. And it isn't hard to uncover this truth, because all we need do is look at the extreme beliefs that people hold that are demonstrably untrue, yet they act as if they are absolute. But we needn't be extreme in our beliefs, we just need to bite that "not true" is on a scale. Everything we believe is to a degree, untrue.
And this is more pronounced in what we believe about ourselves.
We tend to be quite blind in our own assessments of ourselves, sometimes we are overly critical, sometimes the opposite. We tell ourselves stories we are better than we are, and worse. Normally we do this because we hope to get something out of it, some kind of self-provided reward. Often something to reduce negative feelings, like guilt or shame. Sometimes to give us a positive feeling like satisfaction or pride.
But what I find interesting is that the stories we tell about the world and ourselves are a reframing attempt to rewrite history and our actions. We might say we couldn't have done differently to soften the blow of failure or to explain to others. Or we should have done differently to punish and belittle ourselves for failure, even when circumstances were not within our locus of control.
These stories become our narrative and the lens through which we view our experiences. The stories become us, because they drive our behaviours and define our identity. Yet, how careful are we with the stories we create? Sone people are highly self-critical, some people are highly self-praising. Neither may be close to the truth of reality, but they both influence personal experience.
Is it better to be self-deprecating, or conceited?
It is interesting, because self-deprecation seems to be more socially acceptable, but might not lead the individual to accomplish what is rewarded socially. Conceitedness seems to be less socially acceptable, but the people who are very good at what they do often have a higher level of it, perhaps because to perform at one's best requires a mentality that drives action, and being self-assured supports motivation.
If confidence is necessary to attempt more, one would have to be confident before having the skills, but that confidence isn't likely to come from external sources, because the behaviours aren't there yet. Essentially, one would have to lie to oneself to say, I can do this even when there is no supporting evidence and perhaps even, evidence to the contrary.
A false narrative.
We tell ourselves these stories naturally and largely by default. There is little intention of attention paid in their creation and application, even though they have a strong influence on how we experience the world, our reactions and behaviours. We make ourselves heroes and victims of circumstance in our own eyes, and try to convince others too.
The reason I am writing about this topic today is because after all these years alive, I am trying to come to terms with the many stories I have told myself that have dictated my own outcomes. My own narrative has largely been hyper-critical of myself, with very little ever being good enough, and it has affected my behaviour heavily. It has been demotivating, not inspiring, holding me back rather than driving me forward.
Is it too late to change?
Probably.
At least when it comes to many aspects. But, it is not too late to start a new chapter of the story, while I still breathe. I can't do much about the air, but I can improve the way I move through it.
Taraz
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That's a fine line between the two though. I've know far too many cocky mf'ers in my life that I would definitely rather lean the other way. I'd actually almost argue that most people are feeling overly entitled these days which probably leans more towards the cocky side of things.
Yes. There is "confidence" without actually having skills. It is that self-branding marketing, which is just fluff BS. However, I am thinking more about reducing myself even in areas where I am strong, undermining my own skills. I have been doing it since a kid.
That's just called being humble right? :)
It's has to be humble right? As @bozz mentioned.
But the motive(reason) gives the final clarification.:-(
It’s a very blunt analysis of how we build our own barriers, hehehe. I’m really struck by the dilemma you raise between self-disapproval and arrogance, as I’ve experienced it first-hand: society tends to applaud modesty (even false modesty), but in practice, taking the first step towards any goal requires an almost irrational dose of confidence; we need to lie to ourselves by saying ‘I can do this’ before we have the evidence to back it up. As for your conclusion, I think many of us share that tendency to be our own harshest judges. Acknowledging that this hyper-critical narrative has held you back is painful, but saying that it’s ‘probably’ too late to change seems, ironically, to be yet another little trap set by that same critical voice. Don’t let it consume you; just live. Blessings.
Yes. The "too late" is more in terms of building a career, or going into study. At my age, pivoting is a little difficult. Staying the same is difficult too. :D
I believe that excessive self-criticism and underestimating one's chances of a good future are harmful. Ambitious goals are better than small ones.
What about over-confidence? Is that harmful also?
Too much of very thing is likely harmful.
Too much confidence is not excluded.
Yes, it is harmful, but not all that much.
It's true that we may not have control over everything life throws at us, but we can still choose how we respond, how we move forward, and what we make of the chapters that remain.I believe that, as long as there is breath, there is room for a new beginning.
Cheers!
We can only choose when we are aware of the choice. When acting on default, we act blindly.
I couldn't agree more with this point; Awareness gives us the power to choose; without it, we simply repeat patterns.
Learned, relearn and learn again.
The ability to move on is everything.
Move on, or run away from?
Move on.
I know I am guilty off being a big NON-innovative watcher of content.. youtube and movies mostly. the only original stuff is here on hive..
How do you think it affects you?
hmmmmm, i guess i dont grow from it in any meaningful way. every now and then i get an idea or learn something new.. i do get entertained tho, which is good.
Sometimes the way we see ourselves can hold us back more than the situation itself. I think changing that inner story, even little by little, can change a lot.
Changing the inner story is the best, because its shapes the whole body including the mindset towards everything.
Human will always be human, we are cunny and always sometimes play victim in our story. It is just in our nature to engage in self pity attimes to make it feel like you are bad though and having commit or done what others are doing whether in a bad or good way.
It is said that what you believe in works for you.
I go with that too because if you check it, you'll see that a person's life is somewhat tied to his or her life system.
We are control by our beliefs because our choices are influenced by it.
Our thoughts matters a lot in our lives, whenever its corrupt then the motive of living is also affected. But sometimes its never easy to control some thoughts towards things especially when we stay in a corrupt environment.
Yeah, I don't think that being overly self critical is really helpful to an individual. I think being conceited is actually better, it provides you with more confidence in yourself.