I don't know what happened last night, but before five in the morning Puusti the Dog woke up and I couldn't get back to sleep. So by five thirty in the morning and after my coffee, I was in the basement painting patches on walls, since that is all I could do that didn't make any noise. My wife was asleep, as was Puusti the Dog.
Three hours is not enough, even for me.
Touching up bits of the walls that I repaired the other day was the perfect job for a mindless activity and I did it for about three hours before I couldn't continue on. By the time I came upstairs, my wife was awake and sipping on some tea, so I had a quick shower and went back for the first of two thirty minute naps I had today. And still groggy, we took of into the city to firstly get a black suit for an upcoming wedding, and then to look for a dress for my wife. I hate buying suits, as I wear them so rarely but I don't have a black one that comes even close to fitting, but the wedding has a dress code.
I don't think weddings should have a dress code for guests, other than to "dress for a wedding".
And this is on top of the wedding being in a place everyone will have to travel to, and will have to have a hotel overnight, plus presents and all the rest. It is a pretty extreme cost just so two people who are in their mid-forties can say "I do" (I will in Finnish) and go on about their lives the next day.
Perhaps that is tired me speaking.
But then, we eloped. So we didn't impose any conditions on anyone and did what we did, with people only finding out by a postcard we sent before heading away on our honeymoon.
Some people were angry at us for not having a wedding.
But you can't make everyone happy, nor should you bother trying, as it is a losing game. No matter what we do, what we say, there will always be some percentage of the audience that will disagree. I use the thirds rule, where one third will agree, one third will disagree, and one third won't care. It is the same rule I use for liking me - one third will, one third won't, one third are indifferent. Yet, we tend to spend a lot of time defending ourselves against people who will never agree, because they don't like us.
Kind of silly.
A lot of people spend their time on social media defending themselves or opinions (that are often not even theirs if truth be told) against strangers they do not know, will never meet and are inconsequential to daily life. So much noise is pushed into our lives through gateways that we needn't ever leave open - like facebook, twitter, instagram and the rest. It is not that all is bad that comes through, but it would be interesting to analyse where people spend the most of their time when communicating on social media - especially the platforms that thrive on polarisation and argument.
When I write an article, I don't write in the hope people will agree or disagree with me, I don't write to trick an algorithm into amplifying my visibility, and I don't write for the attention of strangers, even though occasionally that happens. I do write for myself, but I mostly write for an audience (however small that might be) who don't mind reading and interacting with what I write about. Sometimes they agree, often they don't, but it is a discussion as would be had (albeit generally briefer) over a cup of coffee in a café. It isn't about winning or losing, liking or hating, it is just an open discussion with a touch of curiosity and personal perspective coming in.
Good conversation.
And I think good conversation is often hard to come by on the internet and in real life in general, because people are becoming so focused on themselves that they have forgot to even feign interest in other people. A single friend confirmed this the other day when he said that he has been on multiple dates where the women have been happy to talk about themselves, but didn't ask a single serious question about him. And women are meant to be the better communicators!
What is happening in this world....?
Well, it is like setting the dress code for a wedding to be something that most people don't have in their cupboard, like a bowtie. It isn't about collecting a group of loved ones together to share in a special moment, it is for curated instagram pictures where everything has to match and be aligned to satisfy individual desires, without consideration of the group. Very little is for the sake of shared experience, because few people want to share, they just want to have.
Many want to have a good relationship, but they aren't willing to compromise. They want to have someone to take interest in them, but take no interest in others. They want to have opportunity and reward, but do not offer to others. They want to have love, but will not love in return.
Stairs run both up and down.
We all seem to be racing to the bottom.
See you there (After some sleep).
Taraz
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Weddings are a waste of money, we had just family there and did a ceremony on Whidbey Island under a 600 year old cedar tree.
Then had gone to a restaurant and that is it.
That is the way to do it. We were planning to do similar, but ended up not being able to keep it under ten people - so nixed it and eloped :D
I have experinced that not every decision is about moving up. Sometimes the best choice is stepping back, and focus on what truly matters.
Stepping back is fine - sliding down the slippery slope is not.
Maybe if we will dig past absolute bottom we will suddenly appear near the some ceiling again... But one would think that we have already dug past the bottom...
It is like that cartoon where bugs bunny digs through the beach to China.
That marriage promises to be an excellent evening to enjoy... I love the good looks although I must confess that I have wildcards for when I don't want to dress with social codes. Enjoy with your wife and small steps...
I am sure the party will be fine - still, not a fan of being forced what to wear.
Wedding ceremonies should be simple, but on the contrary, they are becoming more complicated
It is the wedding "business"
I also don't think weddings should have a dress code for guests. I mean guests should wear presentable outfits but must not be a dress code.
dress codes are fine - but they shouldn't expect everyone to wear the same.
I enjoyed reading this because it felt like a real conversation instead of just a post. The part about not trying to make everyone happy really stood out to me. I think many of us waste too much time worrying about people who will never agree with us. I also liked what you said about good conversations. These days, it feels like many people only want to be heard instead of listening. I hope you get some well-deserved sleep after such an exhausting day, and thanks for sharing these honest thoughts.
Not only heard, but the only response they want is agreement with what they say.
These days many people are more interested in being heard than listening. I think taking real interest in others is what build strong relationships.
Here ya about the weddings and other formal events with forced dress codes. Rarely dress up anymore. Especially in suits. Last time in a suit was my oldest sons wedding a few years ago. Not sure it fits anymore.
It is a losing game. Real waste of time too.
That's me. Write mostly for me. If someone likes it and interacts that is fantastic!
Society is changing and weddings now are a rare thing. Probably in the future such formal reunions would be scarce. Is that good? Maybe yes, maybe no, but one thing that it takes of is the pressure and the stress of it. Who knows what the future reserves for us...
Death and taxes! The rest is what we make of it and the lessons we learn along the way!
I have been waking up in the middle of the night recently and my brain seems to take the opportunity to rehash all of the things I need to solve right now. Glad a black suit is not one of those things.
With people so fixated on their own personal happiness, to the detriment of the happiness of other, it is no wonder marriages don’t last like they used to. I think you and I were lucky to find women who will put up with us for the long haul and dragged the gift of working with others from our generation.
Just trying to take a bit of time off from boiling oceans to enjoy the simple tasks of the day.
dont lie.. the dress was for u?? (at least for ur eyes..)
LOOK AT ME!
It’s funny how a wake-up call from the dog at 5 AM can turn into an unexpected early morning painting session! Painting quiet wall patches was definitely a smart choice to avoid waking up the house. Hope you can grab a solid nap later to make up for those three hours of sleep! ☕😴
Those thirds have their own way of manifesting depending on which side of me someone is sitting. lol.
It's probably fun helping your wife try on dresses though right? :)