The nights are now below freezing, so despite the protests of my body saying rest a little longer, I chose to do some of the necessary tasks in the garden before it gets too late to do so. The biggest of which was mowing the lawn for the last time, but I skipped raking all the autumn leaves first and instead just chopped them into the grass with the mower. Not ideal, but a necessary evil this year. Then I had to take in the umbrella and noticed that I was too late with the hose - it was leaking - which means it has frozen and cracked the fitting, but I can fix that next spring. There are still a few things to do, but they can wait until a bit later. Thankfully, despite being a little tight, my legs have held up okay under the pressure and I might even make an appearance at the gym later.
While I was working around the house, I started listening to a book called "Born Lucky: A Dedicated Father, A Grateful Son, and My Journey with Autism" by Leland Vittert, which has so far been quite an interesting story. Essentially, it is about a guy who was born autistic but instead of labelling him as a victim, his parents took the approach that in order to have a full life, he would have to learn to adapt to the world, rather than expect the world to adapt to him.
Refreshing in today's environment.
The other thing that stood out so far in the couple hours I am into it, is a quote along the lines of his father "always pointed to the two standards of character and work ethic, because they are within your control". This stood out as it was just last night that I was talking about my own standards and character traits, and "good character" in general.
From a young age, I have been against the labelling of people as victims, yet this is something that for the last decade or more has become not only a common practice, but celebrated. It is one of the driving forces of identity politics where people are encouraged to divide themselves into increasingly finely sliced labels in order to both differentiate to feel special, and as an excuse for whatever shortcomings they may have. Essentially, it is "I am special because I can't", instead of I am special because I can.
It is a race to the bottom in terms of human potential.
Not everyone subscribes to this mentality, but the majority do, and the incentives lay in activating that majority to behave in predictable ways. As a result of all the finely sliced labels, it means that no one really fits into any group now, because for every label they have, there are a thousand other labels that are in conflict, and often, one individual has labelled themselves with conflicting labels, depending on the case.
However, what I am more interested in hearing about in this book is around the topics of adaptation into the environment, rather than trying to design the environment so adaption isn't required. As I was writing about "resilience" the other day and how most people have seemingly shifted their understanding of it to be resistant and are therefore maintaining the status quo instead of embracing uncertainty, the idea of adaptation to the conditions is frowned upon. It is a "be yourself" approach as if "the self" is something that cannot change, and is a victim of circumstance with no agency.
We are always changing.
Everything is. And that also means that us having a prefrontal cortex that can evaluate, predict and imagine a future, means we have the ability to change ourselves to meet different conditions, or create different conditions. We are always "ourself" no matter what we do or how we behave - it is inescapable. Yet, we also get used to using phrases like "he isn't acting like himself" and "I don't feel myself" as if what we are experiencing is not us. It is us. Always.
This also means that all those labels that we ascribe to ourselves needn't be the labels that define us in the future, even if that is what happens now. We can behave differently, but in order to do so, we have to have the will to go through the change process for those changes. If we are waiting on the world to change to then change us, we are giving up our human ability to be our own guiding force. we are making ourselves a victim of the world, a victim of others, a victim of circumstance, a victim of ourselves.
While I am not autistic, we are all on the spectrum, because that is how spectrums work. But since the stroke I have observed in myself some traits that would be pretty common for those with autism, especially in social situations. It is a strange experience for me, because even in observation I feel the sense of "this is not me" yet know that this is now me. My behaviours have changed due to the shift in the way my brain functions, but I recognise that I am not a victim, I have to adapt. I don't expect people to make concessions for me, because that is not how the world works in my mentality.
In my head, adversity is a gift.
It forces adaptation for survival, but it can also be a weakness if it is used as an excuse as to why we can't do something, or to explain away our bad behaviour. Adversity is a gift when it is used as a force to help us grow, not as a reason as to why we can't. This doesn't mean ignoring all the factors that led us into today, or believing that everything is our fault if we do not overcome our challenges. It is about recognising that there are those two things that we can affect, our character and our work ethic, and if we consistently change ourselves to improve, we are on the right track. The results will come or they won't, but they are outside of our control.
Under the grass, are grassroots.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Be part of the Hive discussion.
- Comment on the topics of the article, and add your perspectives and experiences.
- Read and discuss with others who comment and build your personal network
- Engage well with me and others and put in effort
And you may be rewarded.
Man sounds like I would get some use out of that book because I not only have some fall gardening to do, but am puzzling the victim mentality still.
Had a great discussion with someone I don’t always agree with about the notion of one’s peace. The context was to focus on achieving that and the decisions you might make to get that peace back. Mainly in the context of work really as you can decide not to work in order to immediately get your peace and freedom back. My counterpoint was that , besides the money buying the freedom that can lead to peace with a little discipline. Working also gives you a purpose and sense of accomplishment while avoiding work in the pursuit of peace leaves you without that accomplishment and less peace.
Sure I know the reason they have to pay us to work is because it sucks and we wouldn’t do it otherwise. Still, we will find little peace expecting the world to adapt to our personal issues and we owe it to ourselves to endure the discomfort of growth and reap the benefits of hard work and purpose.
I was actually thinking that you might be someone interested in this book for that reason, as we have talked about it before. I have listened to a bit more since I wrote it and I can say there are plenty of little "lessons" in there.
I have been talking about this a bit lately I reckon. I think that ideally, we should set up "work" as a society to be things that bring meaning and value to society itself. Where everyone is part of advancing humanity, something greater than themselves. Then, peace comes through the work, even when it is hard and stressful, and also through being a part of society.
It's a superpower.
Also there has to be adaptation both ways. Even among "neurotypical" people brains and learning styles vary by quite a lot. Expecting everyone to conform to One True Way because SOCIETY is just as stupid as an individual expecting the entire universe to pander to their ever changing fragility.
Oh for sure. I think this is where compassion comes into play, where a person is able top adjust their own behaviour when they recognise the struggles of another person. But as with any dance, it is a two way street.
True that adversity can be a gift...but it can also completely consume us because we have the opportunity to learn/grow from it.
I wonder if there's any criteria that determines who comes out from the other side unscathed
It always reminds me of the story from a study of those who came out of concentration camps. There were "two types", survivors and victims. The survivors generally went onto have far better quality of life than the victims.
This just reminded me of the Neitzsche quote
Am sure the answer is in there somewhere
It is important for us to realize that even though situations can change us, they don't have to determine who we are. We have the ability to create our own identities no matter what happens.
And who we are is defined by what we do. We can be better.
I have always believed that a person alone is responsible for his situation. There are no excuses for blaming anyone for his shortcomings. "Man can have nothing but what he strives for." I strongly believe this, meaning that a person alone is capable of changing his situation, creating opportunities, and creating the means to help him adapt to anything without waiting for help.
And even if all the changes aren't met and there is plenty of failure, doing what we know we should brings value in and of itself.
I've gotta get our trailer winterized now that we are done camping for the year. It's been a lot better temperature-wise, so I have been able to get out and actually get some stuff done.
Have you had a really mild autumn so far too? It has been "good" here this year. Not constant rain.
How a person views adversity influences how they react to it. If they see it as a setback from which there's no recovery, they are likely to be stuck in it. If they see it as an opportunity for growth and progress, they are likely to overcome it and become the better for it. It's all about the mindset, and mindset, which dictates how we see the world, how we understand and react to it, is very crucial for adapting to adversity. Acquiring the right mindset should be everyone's priority.
It is the same with stress. People who think it is bad, get harmed by it. People who think it is part of growth, get helped by it.
Coping up with any kind of spectrum can be quite challenging. We're all different and special it is the way we put things together despite our differences that matter... 🙂
Differences are fine, but the inability to not adapt individual behaviour in order to cooperate with others, can create insurmountable problems, for the individual.
The book you read is presented beautifully. The author has presented some very interesting and realistic stories where the parents of a disabled child are trying to prepare him in a realistic way so that he can adapt to the environment instead of making him a victim. Which is the most important thing that the author has brought to our attention. Thank you for your beautiful presentation.
If we aren't willing to improve ourselves, how can we expect others to improve for us?
I still have to put away patio furniture cushions cover the furniture. It got rained on yesterday and I feel that the weather is not going to be conducive to sitting outside anymore. Then I will worry about grass mowing in about two weeks...
As you can tell I can be currently labeled as a procrastinator but I am working on it...