Do we all have insecurities?
We aren't born with emotional insecurity, rather we collect them over time through our experiences all the way through life. But is it possible for someone to somehow miss having insecurities altogether through the way they are raised, or overcome them so those that did develop are removed again. Would it even be desirable to have no emotional insecurity, or would that extreme also hold us back in the same way having insecurities can?
I have plenty of insecurities.
I suspect.
But I assume that many of them are hiding until triggered, a trap in waiting, a vulnerability. Many say that we should learn to be vulnerable as it is healthy, but I often find myself questioning this when people are constantly making themselves vulnerable by putting themselves in the role of the eternal victim. I don't think that is healthy vulnerability but rather a losing strategy to try and build social capital by targeting sympathy mechanisms. The problem is, that it is very much like the boy who cried wolf where eventually, no one cares.
But the real insecurities lay there dormant, waiting to be awoken by some event, some situation, some word or some look that brings them to the surface to remind us of some time where we couldn't, where we were ridiculed, where we were neglected - and forces a reaction. Is it anger, guilt, shame, inaction?
Is insecurity the cause of the worst of us?
I don't know. What I do know is that my own childhood was the root of a lot of problems, including various insecurities that have plagued me throughout adulthood. While the past is always behind, the future is forever impacted by it. How it is impacted, how it plays out, well that is still up in the air. The other thing I know is that I don't want to burden my own daughter in the same way as I was, which means I have to revisit the past, learn from it, and do better going forward.
I struggle with this daily.
I used to think I was able to get out of my childhood unscathed, but over time and through experience I have realised that I was more affected than I wanted to acknowledge. Not only that, I have also come to realise that some of the events that I brushed aside in order to deal with other things, still had an impact on me. Events compound, even if we don't realise what all the multipliers are.
While I am not some broken and fragile little bird, I also have to accept that I am also not able to face everything at the same time, or alone. Through much of my life I have had to rely on myself without a safety net, which has also made it hard to put any weight on others, but this has also put weight on others close to me, when I can't handle all I need to face, or when those insecurities rear their ugly heads as a reminder that I haven't healed them all.
Will they ever be healed completely?
Unlikely.
But that is besides the point. Life is about the actions we take, the moves we make, the impacts we create - it isn't about spending all of our time looking into the past in order to make ourselves feel better. I believe that while there is some value in that, the most cathartic approach is to work out what needs to be done, and then do it. And when those insecurities arise, acknowledge them, and then keep on doing what needs to be done.
Insecurity is just a feeling.
It doesn't have to hold us back from healthy action.
Taraz
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People really like to take things to extremes huh ^_^; I thought that "being vulnerable" thing just meant that it's fine to not pretend to be perfect and able to do everything all by yourself and show that you have weaknesses that you may need help with or delegate to others.
I think "vulnerability" has been turned into another false virtue signal for many people who are actually just looking for validation and attention.
Sure seems like it.
I honestly don't know if I have insecurities, like you say the real insecurities lay dormant until something triggers them, is it possible that I am just not being triggered?
One thing that I can think of is exercising in order to look good, is that an insecurity?
Maybe the conditions haven't been met.
For instance, what if for some reason you were not able to stay fit and got fat. Would that impact on your confidence or make you question your attractiveness to your wife?
You made an interesting distinction between true vulnerability and playing the role of the eternal victim to gain sympathy. Genuine vulnerability is exactly what you’re doing today: acknowledging your past, your hidden insecurities and your struggles, without letting them become an excuse to stop moving forward.
It takes a great deal of courage to look back at our childhood and decide to actively break those negative cycles so as not to pass them on to our children (Matthew). Your daughter is very lucky to have you as a dad, willing to do that gruelling work.
I completely agree with your conclusion. Waiting until you’re 100 per cent ‘healed’ before living life to the full is a trap. Insecurities will probably always be there, rearing their head from time to time, but, as you rightly say, they’re just feelings.
I feel that most of what stops healing from happening, is waiting before action. There is a "when I an strong enough" mentality when the action is part of building the strength.
You can do it; you’ve shown you have the tenacity to tackle problems. Keep your spirits up and carry on dodging the obstacles along the way. Best wishes and blessings.
Yeah, I suspect I can, but at the same time - it is tiring.
This is one of the best reflections in life I know. Visiting the past is one of the best ways to face our fears/challenges and it also gives us ideas on some certain things. Childhood mistakes can hold lot of people down if they don't fight against it. Mistakes are life traps, sometimes, the regret from it moves with us everywhere we go.
Maybe it all moves with us and we are never truly able to let it go.
But we always have the power to control it.
That is the challenge. It takes work that few of us are willing to put in consistently.
Yes it does...
i just had a tramatic trip to philippines where i actually thought i might get stranded there and die. but now, after getting back home and thinking it over, i am ready to go try again. next year??
No
All my insecurity during my school years stemmed from a lack of information about the problems I faced. By the time I reached university, I had already gained some experience and knowledge; as that experience and knowledge grew, my insecurity virtually vanished. I learned to pursue the things that interested me and to ignore the tasks I didn't enjoy. I learned to listen to my heart—my intuition—and not to get hung up on trivial problems.
I think we may believe we have moved past certain experiences, only to discover that they still influence our reactions years later. I
I think the most important part is that you have learned to deal with your trauma in a healthy way and you aren't passing that along to your little one. My wife would say trauma is generational and I have seen first had examples of that being true if you don't deal with it properly. Speaking of insecurities... I'm really in my head now about the reflections community. I wrote a post today that I was going to put in there, but then I second guessed myself and ended up putting it in the pub community. I really need some help apparently! :)
Childhood experiences are sometimes forgotten, but years later they still have an impact
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