We Talk Friday
(WTF)
This is a semi-regular series that I will run on Fridays to hold discussions on a current topic from the week gone. The aim is to keep them light and conversational, though some might be heavier - regardless of the content topic itself though, just have some fun engaging and discussing with whoever happens to put in the effort in the comments section below.
We Talk Friday Ep. 27: Question of Character
From a google result:
A good person is often described as someone with integrity, honesty, kindness, and respectfulness. They are compassionate toward others, stand by their values, and treat people with fairness and dignity. These traits foster trust and strong relationships, making them reliable and respected members of society.
I think that is a good enough definition of a person of general "good character", but I wonder how many people who consider themselves of good character, hold themselves accountable to maintain it. For example, I suspect that there would be people who might comment on my articles who would say they have good character, yet at the same time be using manipulative ways in order to get what they want, whether that be votes, or attention or some other outcome. There are those using alt accounts and pretending to be other people, and those who are finding every way possible to maximise their earnings.
Is that good character?
People justify and excuse their behaviour under the guise of some kind of reason why it is okay for them, but not for others to behave some way. They will do all they can to squeeze a little more out because they need it, but other people are greedy. But while I believe we all have done and likely will do things that might not be the best example of who we want to be, I think someone with good character is able to recognise (and admit at least to themselves) and adjust their behaviour to "live up to" their own standards.
I personally have high standards for myself to the point that I am near-constantly failing. But, I don't think that I should lower my values so that they are easier to meet. I would rather stretch and fail, than stay in my comfort zones and succeed. And, I believe that having standards that are out of reach, means getting a little further than what would have been within reach.
Lie. Cheat. Steal.
Are they traits of a good character? I have done all three of those in my life. You? But I wonder, is there an ethical position to all of them that makes doing them okay? For example, would you steal to feed a hungry child? Would you lie to protect the family of Anne Frank in the attic? Would you cheat to ensure someone else gets a win?
Cheat
/tʃiːt/
verb
- act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage.
- avoid (something undesirable) by luck or skill.
Who thought "cheat" meant about a relationship? I cheat at many games I play with my daughter in both senses of the word described, because I act dishonestly so she can beat me sometimes, and I avoid winning with skill so that she doesn't know she didn't win fairly. I get an advantage as a parent for having a child who can experience winning and losing and deal with both.
Never lie to your child.
Sure about that?
The thing with character in my opinion is that it isn't just bound by the simple definition entered into the start of the article. Rather, it is a complex and overarching sense of a person's behaviours and their intentions. Most would probably assess themselves as a pretty decent human, but I wonder if we were able to follow ourselves around for a few years and look objectively at the way we behave, would we still have the same opinion? If someone else acted exactly the same as me, would I respect them?
No.
At least, not entirely. Because I know now that I can do better than I do, because even though I don't meet my own standards, I also often fail to meet the low-bar, where for whatever reason, I have failed to do the bare minimum I expect from myself. It might be as simple as not putting in the extra energy to go to the gym when I knew I could, or getting into snappy mood when I knew I shouldn't.
I have many character flaws.
But what is too many, before good character turns bad?
Taraz
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I agree that acknowledging our flaws and working towards improvement is what really shapes good character. Otherwise, we would have a stubborn charecter who would be living in a limited world.
I only make good characters (and even that's questionable XD), I don't have good character. I do try though :)
I think constantly trying and failing is better than not trying at all.
This is a question I keep asking myself in different forms. And most often, my answer is the same as yours: no. We’re not perfect. Even when we try to look at our actions from the outside — as if they were someone else’s — we still tend to soften the “blows” or overlook the details. Or, on the contrary, sometimes we become too harsh on ourselves. That’s probably more my case. I’m more likely to forgive a small lie in someone else than my own cowardice or silence. But is that right? Doesn’t it break one’s character, then the environment, and eventually the world around me — for the worse? That’s the second question that comes to me after yours… And I could keep going like this for a long time. :)
I am not inclined to say that I am a completely pure character, having made some mistakes since childhood. There are also times when I have been unable to bear the consequences of my mistakes. In particular, lying is a common trait seen in all three of society. I can now recall how my character was destroyed at times because of lying. Since I became a father, I have reduced lying and spent more time listening to others. In my opinion, a person's true character is built on the perfection of each other. It is built on our honesty.
Many people are incapable of objective thinking, and that makes them go easy on themselves but judge others harshly. They'd do a thing and excuse themselves but another does that and they instantly crucify them.
That's one part of me I'm trying to remedy: to learn to go easy on others and give them the benefit of the doubt no matter how annoying the things they do. This trait is necessary for maintaining good relationships and is an essential part of being a good person.
In my opinion, one's perspective about themselves does not matter much. Its the perspective of others about you that matters because we are bound to believe we are something that we are not due to self-love. Other people are likely to tell us the plain truth about ourselves, except when they are blinded by bias or hatred.
There is no black and white for the most part when it comes to people. We all reside in the gray area for the most part. Though I think it is easy to point out those who are definitely more of a black area inhabitants.
Think serial killers who personally killed multiple people and those in power that caused deaths of millions of people like Hitler or Putin.
For some reason it is harder to identify those who reside in the white spectrum. I guess those who work for charity or donate most of their money? I don't really know, I know that I am firmly in the gray zone and I am OK with it.
It's hard to balance between being a good person and living in the world we have created today!