very interesting conversation. I would like to be part of it :)
Love at first sight ... Maybe I used to believe in that as a young person as the prerequisite for a long relationship. I fell in love at first sight all the time and it could have been anyone, so to speak, as long as they seemed friendly and beautiful (whatever you understood by that) - I guess it's the innocence and inexperience of young people that they can fall in love quickly and this ability tends to decrease with age or is replaced by other qualities. But what "love at first sight" could also simply mean is that a person is still open, knows few prejudices and it is therefore easy to fall in love. Progressive life experience and age by no means exclude the possibility of retaining this source of spontaneous affection. For this, it is probably necessary to unlearn to make immediate (internally felt and externally expressed) assessments according to sensory impressions. Thus, an old man may fall in love with a flower and a sixteen-year-old boy may have already lost all sense of beauty. Depending.
I see it the same way as you do, one does not need to strive for something like the first infatuation, the more one tries to reach that " from back then", the less it will be found - and only when we forget, make ourselves easy, open ourselves to undreamt-of possibilities, may this forgetting of oneself lead precisely to falling in love.
:) whatever will be, will be.
It seems shockingly naive to "fall in love" at any point, especially and even more so to believe in "love at first sight".
It's fun to imagine what a person might be when you know almost nothing about them.
It's like falling in love with a movie star.
Or falling in love with a deity.
It's certainly fun, and sometimes it's fun for quite a bit longer than one might expect.
But I find it almost equally enjoyable to savor the journey of getting to know someone bit by bit, without jumping to too many conclusions all at one time.
Oh, it doesn't just seem naive, it is naive. Naivety is not a bad thing. Naïve feelings and thoughts can be refreshing when they ease, defuse, pacify a situation.
Naivety is often equated with being young, but it can happen at any age and at different moments. It's actually not such a bad quality and carries - I think - an unjustly negative image.
We used to play career guessing games :)
If you survive the initial infatuation, there comes the phase of negotiation and conflict. If you survive that too, the phase of co-creation, and if you're past that too, the phase of co-evolution (don't understand this as linear, the phases are not necessarrily in order)
The journey is not always a pleasure, but just as often shocking, upsetting, interesting or even boring. As an old-established couple, however, it is very pleasant to have a certain routine with each other, alternating with creative phases. Always being good for a surprise enlivens the relationship.
I think naivety carries an unjustly negative image just as emotionality and many other human aspects do too, and this is one of my main problems with the world and something I've always been trying to advocate for as this is an important aspect of life even though many think the opposite.
Yes, I agree, I think it may be for the reason that naivety provokes some envy or longing from someone who lost his or hers (or thinks he did) and then can't stand the moment of a naive response or action.
Emotionality is a bit more difficult, for there is a wide range of emotions circulating and when people talk about themselves being "all rational and not emotional" they forget that there is not only anger, rage or sadness but also joy, humor, silliness etc. and that every human being on earth is having and deciding upon them, no matter what they tell otherwise.
One cannot and will not avoid emotions, but one can accept them as they arise and not make a big fuzz about them. Usually every emotion disappears after a while, cause, just imagine you'd laugh for a week or rage for a whole months (guess, one would drop dead even after some hours) :)))
Great point.
I do find it endearing when I detect it in others.
And I personally try my best to avoid it like the plague if I detect any within myself.
It honours you. There are people who can't stand it when others confront them with what one perceives as naivety.
Are you sure? When your own innocence speaks from you, through your reactions, actions, words, don't you just lose it the moment it strikes you or someone else? It's like when you're dancing/singing around obliviously and you're being watched and someone says, "Oh, go on dancing or singing, the sight of you shows spontaneity".
By doing so, that person destroys the moment and you might wonder what they are trying to do. According to this, something like this cannot really be avoided because the moment of naivety does not control itself. Otherwise, you would deprive yourself of moments of spontaneous expression that you don't give much thought to, or you might wonder how it will be judged by those around you. Or how do you see it?
I know that I know nothing.
I'm trying to measure the ocean with a teacup.
And at the same time I do my best to not suffer too many misconceptions.
Pretty much any message you read that has a slick presentation and millions of dollars behind it is some kind of scam.
Even and especially the ones that sound like good ideas.
I sometimes lose myself in the moment, but I see that as more spontaneous meditation than "naivete".
I think naivete is more of a feeling of "this is going to last forever".
And I never get that anymore.
Well stated.
What you're saying reminds me of this,
Thank you. That was quite touching and sounds true to me....
"What is a wife?"
I think, I have to watch that movie now :)
I am off. Wish me good dreams.
Enjoy at your leisure.
DAMN! Thank you very much for sharing this! I'll be watching this tonight :D
I'm glad you both joined this convo :) @erh.germany @logiczombie
Greetings!
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What a service, thank you! I am already half through the movie and now it's time for coziness and I'll continue. Nice leisure you give me :)
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I like this point of view, I agree there's something about innocence and inexperience in it, but also that about still openess, something that if you think of it makes the person even more beautiful! hahah
It's the moments not telling the other one what loveable one discovered in him or her :) But kissing or hugging or gently stroking the hand and being delighted by the surprise given in that way. Unexpected.
Otherwise I find being in a relationship is an art of handling the ambiguity of another human being (and self) and instead of hating it, being able to enjoy it or at least find it interesting.
May I ask if you are together with someone?
Yeah, there was a moment I started seeing love relationships as a coexistence pact tbh, we're aren't perfect after all hahah
and nope, I'm single lol even though I consider myself a lone wolf and enjoy my solitude, I know I love love very much and whenever I find a chance I always jump into it lmao however since my last relationship last year I started to feel more dettached lol not only from love but many other things, 2020 was crazy right? but dunno, I don't know if I'm still brokenhearted or just focusing more on myself xD