Our 16th Wedding Anniversary and Five Marriage Lessons I Learned Throughout the Years

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We celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary in November last year, but I only got around to writing about it now. Life has gotten very busy the past few months, and focusing on too many things is hard without risking burnout.

I haven't been posting for quite some time, and I don't quite know how to start. It feels a little bit awkward and I hope whatever I write down here will be coherent and not just some ramblings to fill up the post.

We didn't have a big celebration to celebrate our anniversary except for a family dinner. We figured it was enough to remember that special date and were grateful that we still have one another to cherish and to hold, and hopefully, it will last for the rest of our lives.

We have known each other for 23 years and have been married for 16 years (17 this year). Any lessons I learned from our marriage? Of course, there are plenty. Here are five of them.

❤️ Accept Your Partner As He/She Is ❤️

You can never change anyone. You can influence little children to behave positively, but you can't change anyone. This is a lesson I learned earlier in my marriage, and I remember how frustrated I became after failing to change my husband the way I wanted him to be. I see many friends trying to do the same to their spouses with the same results. See, a person will only change IF THEY REALLY WANT TO CHANGE. Otherwise, please don't waste your time nagging your spouse to be the person you want them to be and get into unnecessary conflicts.

Make peace with your partner's flaws. Accept his shortcomings. Look, you marry this person not only because of their positive traits but the negative as well. It's part of the package. Respect your differences.

But if his flaws are causing so much trauma and strain in your relationship or he is abusive, please don't stay quiet. Seek help immediately.

Picture of us in our early 20s.

❤️ Tame Your Ego, You Are Not Always Right ❤️

A lot of people, wives especially, have a nasty habit of trying to be in control of everything. In subtle or not subtle ways they want their choices to be autonomous and delude themselves into thinking they are smarter in making decisions for the family.

I am not proud to admit that I do have this tendency. I hated it when I was not in control of a situation, no matter how silly. It took me many, many years to change this habit and respect my husband's opinions and decisions. I learned to keep my mouth shut, or make my voice tone gentler and speak respectfully to him.

Women may indeed be more intuitive than men when it comes to parenting or how to run the household, but do let your spouse give his opinions, and even if you disagree with him, express your disagreement respectfully. Please give each other a space to learn and make mistakes. Do not suffocate one another by trying to be in control of every single thing.

❤️ Learn to Communicate Your Needs ❤️

A lof of marriage conflicts happened because both parties failed to communicate their needs effectively. They assumed their spouse could read their mind, and when he/she couldn't, frustrations and conflicts erupted. Look, no one can read minds no matter how smart that person is. Learn to set aside your pride and humbly communicate your needs.

For example, if you are tired of doing the housework, communicate with your spouse and state your need to have rest and some personal "me time". Don't nag and accuse him of not caring and being insensitive.

❤️ Don't Entertain The Thoughts That The Grass Is Greener On the Other Side ❤️

Keep and honor your promises and marriage vows. In your frustrations, don't long for a better spouse or lover. Infidelity happens because of dissatisfaction in marriage and often, these conflicts could be solved if they learned to communicate effectively or seek professional help.

Remember, when you stray from your marriage and have an extramarital affair, your partner isn't the only one betrayed, your kids will be impacted negatively too.

Our wedding photo.

❤️ Work On Improving Yourself ❤️

Work on improving yourself as a person. Your dysfunctions could affect your marriage and parenting badly. Learn to accept your own weaknesses and work on improving them. For example, if you are short-tempered, learn to manage your anger effectively. They are plenty of places/services/therapies you can get help from. Seek help if you are involved in substance abuse or an alcoholic, or a chronic gambler. I know this is hard, and most people probably won't admit their issues, but look, if you love your spouse and your family, it is crucial that you work on yourself to become the best version of you.

I have been actively doing some 'inner work' for the past couple of years to improve myself. This year I am committed to improving my emotional health. There is still plenty of room for improvement, but I have become a better person by addressing my dysfunctions and diligently working on them.

That's it for now. If you have read this far, thank you. I appreciate it so much! Kindly give me a follow if you like my content. I mostly write about making art, life musing, and our mundane yet charming family life here in Klang Valley, Malaysia.

Note: All images used belong to me unless stated otherwise.

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