I spent years believing I had to measure up to something or to someone. Like many people, the idea that I wasn't good enough was planted early by well-meaning adults who thought comparisons were a form of encouragement. I believe the term was “reverse psychology.” This is especially prevalent in Asian households. Asian parents love comparing their kids to their peers. We have to study hard so we can be at the top of the class or outshine so-and-so's son or daughter. We have to be more obedient, more successful, and more beautiful. The adults meant well, but what they didn't realize was that they reinforced the belief that being “enough” is conditional. It's exhausting. I spent years trying to prove I was enough. But enough for who?
I remember hints of comparison were occasionally discussed among the adults. I was a plain-looking child and didn't resemble my siblings. My mom was a beauty in her younger days. And there was I, an awkward, sullen, pimply, tomboyish teenager who always scowled. I wasn't graceful or dainty; I hated skirts and dresses. I was always wearing sneakers. I believed I was lacking in so many ways. To compensate for my perceived lack, I vowed to excel in school and get good grades—which I did, graduating magna cum laude with a BSc. (Hons) in Information Technology in 2002. And later on career successes and many other achievements. They became the measure of my worth.
After these impressive achievements, did I feel enough? Not even close. When I inevitably fell short, the voice in my head whispered, “See? You're still not enough.”
It took me well into my 40s to realize that no finish line existed. I wish I could say that I woke up one day and felt instantly enlightened—“Stop this b******t. I am enough as I am!” No. The realization came gradually.
This happened after years of some pretty impressive achievements—publishing books, radio interviews, being featured in magazines and a newspaper, collaborating on projects with artists worldwide, and publishing my poems. Despite all of that, I always felt a huge void in my heart because I felt I needed to achieve more and more things in life. No final achievement or external approval would ever silence the feeling of not being enough. Even when I reached milestones, the goalposts moved. Even when I improved, it still wasn’t enough—because the world always demands more. I was completely burned out. I had reached my lowest point and required months of counseling to achieve a breakthrough. Writing and making art helped. I channeled my frustrations and heartbreak into my work.
Then I quit.
I quit chasing an undefined version of “more.” I quit tying my worth to productivity, praise, validation, or comparisons. Along with that decision, I asked myself,“What if I was enough exactly as I am?”
I started to ask myself, what does being enough mean to me? Not according to the eyes of society, family, or anyone else, but me? This is what I discovered: enough is waking up and existing with all my flaws, my fears, my joys, and my struggles. Enough is embracing my experiences, my voice, my thoughts, my pace, my perspectives, and my opinions—without feeling ashamed and the need for external validation. Enough is understanding that I don't have to prove my worth or anything to anyone because I exist simply as I am, complete as God intended me to be.
It's a radical shift but a necessary one. And believe me, it doesn't happen overnight. Some days the negative thoughts return, but I'm learning to meet them with kindness and grace. I keep reminding myself every day, like a mantra—even when I'm unproductive, have no achievements, think lustful thoughts, write explicit fictions, gain weight, have more and more gray hairs, financially struggle, be perimenopausal, not pray or read my Bible, curse, hate, or love—I am still enough.
Change is not sustainable without changing old habits. This includes rewiring my brain to speak kindly to myself. Instead of chastising myself for not doing better, I remind myself: "That was a good experience. You're learning, and that is enough.” I also started to be mindful of my excuses and my sense of guilt and shame. I stop over-explaining things to people or bending to meet expectations that don't align with me. And most important of all, I give myself the love, kindness, and grace to be fully human. I am not a robot. I have emotions, I make mistakes, and I get tired. It's okay if I can't anymore. I am free to rest without guilt.
There is nothing more exhausting than trying to justify your existence. And nothing more freeing than realizing you never had to. Here is a poem I wrote months ago that encapsulates this whole thing.
Enough
I peel the mask,
layers like sunburned skin—
soft, blistered—beneath
the face forgotten in mirrors.
Naked,
I walk into the jaws of daylight,
each step a confession,
bones rattling truth
like marbles in a jar,
heavy with silence,
weighted with breath.
I wear the scars like medals,
silvered lines map the wars
I never won—
but here,
in the raw air—
I am enough.
I am enough, as I am. And so are you.
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Lately, I have been thinking of the same thing - am I enough or am I doing enough? Some may see that I am not even trying, but deep down, I am working so hard to not be a failure. Even if it means not doing what I like most. But I realized, I'll just live the way I like. Not minding anything about being enough for others or not, as long as I am happy and contented.
Yup. But we are social beings living with societal pressures to conform and no matter how hard we try to reframe our thoughts and beliefs, we will always have that nagging feeling we aren't measure up. I think the key is to have awareness of it and break free from our self-sabotaging patterns.
It seems like you have everything. Your achievements ,your talent and intelligence in life are something to be proud of. you are more than enough.keep believing in yourself, No one can dictate to you that you are not enough, no matter what your status in life is. Only God knows everything. so believe in yourself because you are more than enough. I am more than enough too.
Spot on. However, it's so much easier to believe the lies about ourselves than trusting the truth from the omniscient God, who knows everything.
You are a great artist, and yes, you are enough. We do not need any validation from others; just live your life with respect, kindness, and empathy toward others. I guess that only matters. 🤞
Yes, yes, I concur. Thank you for your kind words ❤
I really admired your craft. Very well done. When I saw this, it reminded me of my cousin , I missed him very much.
Thank you so much for your kinds word. I'm glad it reminded you of your beloved cousin.
you make wonderful and impressive art, wow!!
Thank you so much ❤️
⋆ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ ғᴏʀ sᴏᴜᴛʜᴇᴀsᴛ ᴀsɪᴀɴ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴏɴ ʜɪᴠᴇ
⋆ sᴜʙsᴄʀɪʙᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀsᴇᴀɴ ʜɪᴠᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴜɴɪᴛʏ
⋆ ғᴏʟʟᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀsᴇᴀɴ ʜɪᴠᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴜɴɪᴛʏ ᴠᴏᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʀᴀɪʟ
⋆ ᴅᴇʟᴇɢᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ʟɪɴᴋs 25 ʜᴘ⇾50 ʜᴘ⇾100 ʜᴘ⇾500 ʜᴘ⇾1,000 ʜᴘ