Before I begin I need to point out that this is not just the 2nd terrible tale I have on Tinder, almost all of my experiences on Tinder have been bad. The few successes that I have had have been because we had common interests but in those situations the women that I hooked up with were not local, were not planning on becoming local, and we didn't really connect well enough for them to contemplate them becoming local. I also wasn't going to fly to Europe or wherever they heck they happened to be from just to go out again.
I never tricked anyone or pretended as though that was my intention just to get laid though: That is not the kind of person that I am.
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In this particular instance though, I was actually very hopeful. The woman was very close to ideal as far as what I am physically looking for, and she spoke near fluent English, which is something that I demand because although I can speak Thai on a conversational level, I speak basically zero Vietnamese. This woman was Vietnamese and a local. It was only after talking for a little bit that I found out that she is actually a medical doctor, which I guess is a plus.
We chatted for a bit and there were some genuine laughs going on in there so the logical next step is to meet up, which we did. It has been my experience that most Vietnamese women like to meet up somewhere "neutral" for the first meeting and coffee shops are a very common place for this. I've become accustomed to this so that is exactly what we did.
Things were going fine at the first "date" which was more of a getting to know you sort of thing - which is totally fine with me. I am one of those guys that if I cannot connect with the potential girlfriend on a personality and intellectual level, that it doesn't really matter to me how attractive the person is: I am not going to deal with that sort of difficulty just because someone is really good looking.
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We seemed to get along just fine and things were looking good, a little too good actually, and I became suspicious right away because I am not accustomed to good fortune when it comes to internet dating.
It took just a few days after our first meet up for the "crazy" to start to pop up. I had explained many times before we met as well as when we were sitting face-to-face that I am not a "heavy user" as far as social media, chatting apps, or messengers are concerned. I am actually one of those guys that gets annoyed at people whose life seems to revolve around their phones.
Despite being a medical doctor, this woman spends a LOT OF TIME on her phone including when I was with her. Ok, I get it, that's the way a lot of people are and that is fine, I have accepted that this is the way things are today... but one thing I will not accept is when someone starts to try to change me into something else or gets unreasonably angry when something doesn't go exactly her way.
There are times in the day where I am done with my phone and turn it to silent, such as when I have decided that my day is done and it is time to focus on going to sleep. Also lately, I have been doing more exercise and I do not even look at my phone while I am doing that.
This woman because extremely upset when I didn't respond quickly to anything that she sent to me regardless of how completely unimportant it was. Once, at around 9pm, at which point I was already in bed getting quite sleepy because the movie I was watching wasn't very good, I turned off the light and TV and went to sleep.
Well she didn't like that very much at all.
That seems innocent enough right? It's just a statement of fact on her part, but the rest of it I am not going to put up here because there is too much personal information involved. It was her birthday and since I just met this person I don't feel as though I need to be constantly monitoring how her birthday is going. Well she went absolutely nuts the following day about how "relationships are all about communication and we will have to have more responsible reply habits if we are going to work out."
I laughed at this because I was like "what relationship are you referring to?" We met for coffee one time and honestly, what the fuck am I supposed to say back to a picture of some flowers that it is really inconsiderate for me to not say? It's like me sending her a picture of well, anything, and then getting pissed off because she doesn't have some sort of congratulatory statement about it, regardless of how meaningless that picture is. Even after I said that I was asleep when she sent it her mind was already made up that she was going to be mad and that was the end of it.
I refused to apologize for this "misstep" because it isn't one and I think anyone that would do that over something so trivial isn't fully loaded in the brain, if you know what I mean.
Now if we were married and I didn't respond to her when her car broke down on the side of the road or forgot to pick her up at the airport I would definitely agree with her about me being inconsiderate, but this is just an express-trip to crazy-town getting this worked up when you have only just met someone for 30 minutes one single time.
I don't tolerate that sort of bullcrap so I told her to just forget about us seeing one another anymore and she immediately back-pedaled and sent a bunch of cute emojis attempting to get back into my good graces.
Well sorry doc, if you display your red flags that clearly at the very beginning, I can't even imagine how difficult you must be to someone that you actually ARE in a relationship with.
She kept sending me messages and my position on things was not going to change and eventually I had to block her.
I am not going to try to figure out what I did wrong because there isn't anything to discover: You send me a pic of some meaningless shit I am not going to reply to it, no matter who you are. Even if you are related to me by blood. I think I was VERY clear right from the start when I said that my phone has been on silent ever since that was an option for phones and I rarely look at it.
I think that in her situation that she has been perhaps psychologically changed because she is a doctor and therefore has authority in most of her life. All the people that she interacts with on a daily basis are her subjects and she is the boss all the time. Therefore, she must have transcended this into the rest of her life as well.
Here is the thing ladies that maybe you don't understand about men in their 40's who are successful already: We don't really care at all what your job is. The fact that she is a medical doctor is impressive sure, but it doesn't give you the right to walk all over me.
I would rather have a loyal, cute, unemployed girl with sensible emotions any day over a successful professional with a big ego. I think that almost all quality men that aren't looking for a free ride in life would feel the same.
The search goes on a I guess but to be fair to all the rejected ladies (rejected by me ladies) out there you are playing at a disadvantage because I am actually quite comfortable being single. I would go so far as to say that in a lot of ways I prefer it. So getting a bit psychotic towards me over something as trivial as response time in WhatsApp, that might work on desperate guys, but it isn't going to work on me.
I'm quite sick of online dating apps and would be just fine if they were all to go away. Apparently, I'm not alone in this idea.
I still check into the app every now and then but I'll be honest with you, I swipe right (as in saying "I'm interested") on every single person in Tinder because I can't be asked to investigate the background of someone that is likely lying anyway.
Oh, and I will never pay for the app and understand that almost nobody else is either. I can't believe they managed to monetize human connection but everything is in the damn phone these days, isn't it?
As a woman, I understand her way although it looks immature but in a man's viewpoint, it's already disappointing. Most women assume too fast and expects too much even at the getting-to-know each other stage (if they like the guy or maybe have another intention). The need for constantly updating each other even on an ordinary day seems a weakness for most women as we feel that we like the feeling of being "connected" with that person even if it's only thru chatting. However, men prefer to be given distance or space at times... At least, you saw the signs early on, save future heartaches and drama. Maybe the right person comes when you don't consciously search for her, it will happen naturally and unexpectedly with the one you truly hope for... 😊🙂
Well I guess so. I just think that because I am older and have a ton of experience, that I am quite leery of anyone that would be this controlling or what I view as "crazy" before the relationship even starts. Someone that needs that much attention all the time to me seems like a very bright red flag.
I am in my 40's but for me I am not that one who want's to become just a girlfriend and boyfriend relationship. A boyfriend is very different to a husband. same to a girlfriend is very big different to a wife. For me i would prefer to find a husband but not a boyfriend. A HUSBAND is someone that is ready to be a leader to lead a family, willing to do all a husband duties and responsibilities , a husband ready to be a good partner in life and stand as the head or leader of a family. The role of a wife is to follow the lead of her husband, to submit herself on his words in accordance to the teaching's of CHRIST that the wife submit herself and follow the lead of her husband. You may consider of finding your better half in the Philippines because Pilipina are good wife or traditional wife. GOODLUCK.
Well I wouldn't say that I am in a hurry or desperate to find a wife or partner or anything really. But once I am I will head over to Philippines haha.
Thank you for sharing your experience with Tinder. Personally, I haven't used any online dating apps because I don't have the patience to search for someone online; it’s just not my thing. However, I don't judge you for it. From your story, it sounds like finding a doctor was a significant challenge, and it seems you are looking for a genuine connection. I understand that phone dependency was a deal-breaker for you.
I'm so glad I don't have to deal with this sort of thing at my age! Hopefully things stay that way too! I can't imagine how stressful and tiresome it must be navigating all of that. Even if you try not to let it bug you that much, it's just a lot of energy. My niece was in a similar situation with a guy and she finally broke up with him and told him she didn't need all the drama. It was very mature of her for someone in high school who often see relationships as their whole world.
well it gets to the point where you don't really put any effort into meeting people when you do "match" with them. It is expected to fail just like blind dates in the days of yore .
That's too bad.
She must be possessive and I think on the other hand she has this childish thing in her. Education doesnt define a person. Many educated people and professionals who excel in their fields but failed in building human connections to others. Some social and psychological issues.
I should suggest that if there is a psychiatrist at her hospital, that she go have a talk with them :)
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I hate it how people seem to live their lives by their phone and for me it is just a phone. How sad is your life if you have nothing better to do. I see couples in restaurants not talking to each other and looking at their phones instead.
its getting to the point where people find it strange if you don't do that. The doctor didn't believe that someone often doesn't even have their phone around for hours at a time which is just normal for me.
Oh! That's totally off! Even though she's a doctor, it doesn't give her anyone a license to be controlling. Glad you saw right away the red flags. 😀
⋆ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ ғᴏʀ sᴏᴜᴛʜᴇᴀsᴛ ᴀsɪᴀɴ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴏɴ ʜɪᴠᴇ
⋆ sᴜʙsᴄʀɪʙᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀsᴇᴀɴ ʜɪᴠᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴜɴɪᴛʏ
⋆ ғᴏʟʟᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀsᴇᴀɴ ʜɪᴠᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴜɴɪᴛʏ ᴠᴏᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʀᴀɪʟ
⋆ ᴅᴇʟᴇɢᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ʟɪɴᴋs 25 ʜᴘ⇾50 ʜᴘ⇾100 ʜᴘ⇾500 ʜᴘ⇾1,000 ʜᴘ
I had a couple of yellow or orange flags convert to several red ones right now, but that was with a potential business partner.
When it comes to Tinder and so on I could probably write a whole book haha!
The problem with phones and social media is of course that they are perfect tools for some psychos out there, and it even messes with the mind & habits for those who started off totally normal & healthy...
I would say meeting people online is not the way forward you need to find someone in real life as the people you meet online are meeting and talking to loads of other people and can you really trust someone you meet online 🤔
I agree totally, but like I said... that is the world we live in now. This is how everyone meets now
Meeting people online is not good as they will only tell you what they want.
When you meet them in real life most of the time they are not who they said they were.
You can still meet people in real life you just have to be in the right places to meet people and make new friends 😉
correct. While I have been very accurate with my pictures most of the women I meet have clearly used filters and / or chose between thousands of pictures of them to find the best ones. NONE of the girls I have met up with resemble their pictures so we are staring out poorly because of this.
I also think everyone is on edge because they have spent much more time on building a profile than they did on just being who they are. It's built to fail but then again, Tinder and other services like it lose their customers if the model is successful, so maybe it was never meant to work.
Not just about there looks it's about who they are as people
One thing I would say don't mention anything about cryptocurrency or money as there are some very dangerous people online
I would never meet someone online to date if I was single
Many of my friends do and it never goes anywhere 😂
How long have you been doing it for and what was the longest relationship that came out of it 🤔