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I wrote this a while ago, and posted it in Spanish. It was at a time of strong changes in my life, a difficult time that fortunately has been left behind. Things for me are very different now, much better, but I still firmly believe what I said in the post, and that is why I have edited it a bit and now I share it in English with you. I hope you like it, and why not, it may even be useful to you.
Today I realized something that made me reflect a bit about other things that have happened in these days and that have to do with my not posting, and that is how difficult it can be to accept your reality and act accordingly, either by adapting yourself to it or changing it.
To be honest, there are several things that I am having a hard time dealing with recently, and I have to find a healthy way to deal with them and not let them affect my day to day like they have been.
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The curious, ironic, or sad thing about the subject, you choose the adjective of your preference, is that I know perfectly what advice I would give to someone who came and told me about a situation similar to mine. I know what I have to do, or at least I think I know what I have to do, but doing it… doing it is the problem. And the reality is that it is easier to give advice than to abide by it, there is no doubt about that, and I am currently in that dilemma.
Facing our reality is not always easy, starting with the fact that sometimes we are not even aware of it, we live almost by inertia, following a routine that our environment writes for us. Sometimes we are so preoccupied with doing what is expected of us that we do not even ask ourselves what we really want to do, we become a social construct, an airplane of which we are passengers instead of pilots..
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My case is not so. For better or for worse, I have always been fortunate to do things my way, according to my own rules, but now I am faced with a reality that I do not like and that I cannot avoid. And today something happened that made me see clearly that this reality is here to stay, and I have two options, either I learn to live with it, or I move away from it, because it will not change simply because I do not like it.
At another point in my life this situation would not have been a problem. I would turn around and go, but now I just can't afford that luxury. It would be practically starting over again, something that at another time I would not have worried, but now I have people who depend on me and it is not that simple, I cannot act impulsively, unless I have no other option, and by doing so I would also give up others things that are fundamental in my life, and that largely define me, and I am not willing to pay that price.
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Complaining, lamenting, self-pitying, victimizing myself is not going to get me anywhere, and I have to stop doing it. The question here is, and now what do I do? The answer is simple and difficult at the same time: adapt. It is difficult because it is difficult for me to accept a reality that goes against everything I am, but I cannot run away from it either, so as complicated as it may be, I have to find a way to remain me in a totally adverse environment, I have to endure and see this as an opportunity to grow, and strengthen myself.
It will be a challenge for me, it has been for a while now. Today I realized that there are two of us in the cockpit of this plane, and I have to find a way to make this flight land without crashing it trying. It will not be easy, but you start with something, by realizing the problem. Today the complaints and the laments are over.
Today the illusion of thinking that I have all the control is over. I don't have it, but that's not why I'm not going to be able to enjoy my life. It is time to evolve and adapt, life is as it is and we have to learn to enjoy it, including its troubles and bad times… there is simply no other way, that is what living is about.
©bonzopoe, 2020.
I wrote the above text shortly before leaving a job that was my life for thirteen years. Today fortunately I continue doing what I like, with a little less income, I must confess, but with much more peace of mind, and that simply makes up for everything.
Thank you very much for reading this post and dedicating a moment of your time. Until next time and remember to leave a comment.
