So I’ve been away for a while. The extraordinary did not happen: I didn’t get to meet Elon Musk or go to Mars. I haven’t been inventing a magic potion for becoming invisible and neither did I find a golden nugget in my tap water. The absence of a person can mean so many things and while something can happen while you are away, there are some things which don’t.
Every person has a turning point in their lives when too much is too much. Hardships occur and the way we look at what happens is going to dictate how we feel about it. For me my plate was full for quite some time. I am a strong person and I managed to go through some adversities and keep my shoulders straight. But I know where my Achille’s spot is. And I needed this break in order to get clarity and healing and rest.
First things first. A heartbreak doesn’t heal when you want it to. I tried. The irony is that the more you try to put it under the rug, the more it screams. Yes, even beautiful girls get heartbroken. The hardest part for me was to accept that I wasn’t loved although I still had feelings for the guy. It is truly painful to experience this kind of love, where you give more of what the other person doesn’t appreciate. Now I understand that each person has a language and some only know the language of pain. You can try to keep talking love to them, but they won’t get you. It isn’t the adult who is getting hurt in relationships, it is the small child. We recreate our familiar patterns in love and I can see clearly how I gravitated towards the familiar: pain, absence, indifference, even hatred. The steps toward healing after a heartbreak are different. For me it appeared to be like pealing an onion with my eyes wide open and pouring the juice straight into my iris. It hurt.
It hurts when you are in the waiting game , when you hope for that person to change, to show that they are sorry, to make something to change themselves (best tip: you can only change yourself) Those actions might never come. And you wait, sometimes curled up in pain and tears like a small baby who has been abandoned. If people would be aware of how cruel their behavior can be, they would think twice before pretending to love someone. I don’t think that many know what they are actually doing when they do bad things. People are not bad, the things that they do can be bad. The thing which makes a difference is what you do after you find out about how your actions damaged someone. Bad words, verbal abuse, mental abuse or even worse abuse has consequences. It takes a lot of time to heal from that.
The waiting game destroys the heart as it slowly reveals what I was trying to ignore: the feelings of love from that person were never there, it was all in my head. It’s hard to open your eyes to the real story because it hurts to admit that you clinged so much and hold on to someone who just didn’t want you. I looked back and saw that it didn’t matter if I was even to climb Everest for that person, it was irrelevant. When someone loves you they will show you, you won’t have to force it from them. You can’t force someone to love you, no matter how beautiful and wonderful you are. Do they still cling to their ex? Do they still want to hurt you by blocking and deleting you from their lives? Do they move on with their lives like nothing happened, never giving you the apologies you deserve? Are you still crying because of them? Are you still hoping they would apologize? Why? This was my internal dialogue and it made me have the difficult conversations with myself. It wasn’t easy. We pick our relationships. So why did I pick pain and unrequited love? Why did I pick emotionally unavailable people? Why did I pick to love and not be loved? A heartbreak will make you visit inner places inside yourself which you wish had remained closed. Because all the wounds are there, screaming, wanting to get out. It is a dark place, where you question your worth, your existence, your purpose. I am not surprised that so many of us choose to inflict pain to others rather than taking this grueling journey inside ourselves and tackle our own demons. Then we can see that a heartbreak can also be a gift for healing. It can show you why you have made some choices and pinpoint the wound. Will you choose to heal it or will you try to close the door and run away toward another relationship? It is difficult to forget someone when your mind tells you one thing and your heart another. The thing is that facts scream the most: when they don’t do anything…it is because there is nothing in their heart for you, as harsh and painful that sounds. And for me it was definitely harsh to open my eyes to this reality.
I am sure that in old age we will all regret what we didn’t do versus what we did. In this matter I can be at peace because oh boy did I try... I tried it all and went over my head for this person, even when it was long over I wanted to be sure they are ok, even if they would not reciprocate my care. I have forgiven things they did that few women would forgive. Now I understand another valuable lesson: people can’t give you more of what they don’t have. Some people don’t have love for themselves, how on Earth will they ever be able to give to another person? I was able to recognize myself as being the tormentor in some of my past relationships, where there was the other on the receiving line of my indifference and pain. And now I can see clearly how it wasn’t about them, it was about me. I wasn’t healed, I wasn’t aware and I did not knew the language of love. Nobody taught me so I had to teach myself. Now that I experienced this, I can see how that person is on their own journey. Maybe they will never realize they were loved, maybe they won’t even care that they’ve hurt me. They will move on with their lives and tell to themselves that everything is ok. They will put the blame on another ex who was “crazy”. I don’t mind. I realize that it is necessary for me to let go of them because true mutual love is the foundation of life. Even on Hive I can tell that what people want most is love, appreciation and kindness. The real deal, not the fake random comments done with the sole purpose of gaining attention. Genuine love doesn’t have to be squeezed and forced just like you can’t force someone to be loyal to Hive and stay for the long run instead of cashing out. I am sure that amongst Hive members there are many who had their own heartbreaks and it takes a lot of courage to admit that we are humans and that we can suffer.
The funny thing is that after I had to go through this long process, which will still continue as it is getting a bit better everyday, I appreciate love EVEN MORE. I realize that there is nothing more precious than having someone in your life who truly wants you and values you, who would not do stupid stuff which could make them lose you. It is easy to become a cynic and dismiss love after you have been hurt. I write in a journal received from that person while trying to heal from the pain they have caused me. Ironic…. but powerful! After the veil of pain washes away, I can still clearly see that all what matters is love. And I believe in it. I believe in having someone who would cuddle you when you are least worthy of it, I believe in having someone to share success and failure with, I believe in someone who rushes to hug you when you open the doors of your home. Beyond money, material possessions, career and crypto fame and NFT’s, there is love. You can’t buy it, you can’t force it, you can’t fake it. It’s either there or not. And no matter how beautiful , rich, accomplished or poor we are, we all desire it and at the end of the day, when you draw the line, we both know that what matters is that you have someone to hold your hands while you hold theirs. A mutual choice to be in each other’s lives. We choose to be in the relationships we think we deserve. And the other person, as much as they have made you suffer, can be a great spiritual teacher. Love is an action. It has to be proven, cared for, groomed like a baby flower. Beautiful relationships are a lot of work. I look at my own family and realize I did not have a good model: my parents didn’t love each other. I look at my exes’s families and realize the same thing: they also did not have a good model. It is powerful ….what you see when you grow up. Some never saw their parents hug or kiss each other. How sad is that?
Some parents are invisibly divorced and when you see that, you believe it is love: pain and sitting in a bad relationship. Settling. Gosh I really dislike settling. Don’t settle for anything less! I see what people become when they’ve settled for decades in an unloving relationship . It is utterly sad. Unhappy mothers cling to their sons , unhappy dads cling to their daughters. Or they are absent emotionally and the adult has serious emotional issues with attachment. The parents aren’t happy for their children’s happiness and sabotage him/her, the child who is an adult will sabotage any chance to happiness because this is the dynamic they have learned as a child. This is not a way to educate a child about love. As much as we need wordly things like money and accomplishments, we also need more love and emotional education. We first need to learn how to love ourselves because this is the first step in learning how to love others. I had to learn this in adulthood because I did not get to see this in my childhood. Many of us have to do our own work now, when we are all grown up, because there is no other way. I can choose to sit in cynism and blame my parents, the school, the system, the exes or I can choose to open the doors of my inner demons and pet them. Heck, maybe we even become friends!
Acknowledging your own pain is huge. It is only then when you begin to stop smearing with dirt the other person and instead really wish them well, despite the fact they have left your heart in a million pieces. The real thing that they have did is to have put a mirror in your face and show you the wounds of your own soul. A part of me will always have love for this person, although I am now at peace that they did not love me or want to build a life with me therefore they have chosen their way instead of changing for the better. It is perfectly ok (not easy to digest though) and in a way who am I to sit in their way, maybe their ex is their true love or maybe their true love is on their way because I am out of their lives. So when you begin to think this way you stop being a prisoner of your own pain. And this is how inner peace settles in. If I were to die tomorrow I would die at peace in this matter, knowing that I allowed myself to fully love in this lifetime. And for a child who did not grow up seeing healthy love, that’s huge. That’s vulnerability and a wounded heart put on a plate.
I often think that I have suffered because of the fact that I couldn’t let go of what might have been, in that perfect scenario where the guy realizes the mistakes and magically corrects his behavior working it through. But when I remember the bad things I can realize the lack of love that I have experienced from that person. And that is an indicator of the fact that I wasn’t wanted in that emotional space. And that is ok. Things move on. I still smile when I see couples in love, holding their hands. I still believe in love because at my core I am a romantic person. I was talking with a friend about relationships and she has told me a thing which stuck with me: we are never completely healed on our own, we always heal through our good relationships. I think that she is right and maybe this is what all couples try to do at a deeper level: to heal their childhood wounds together with a partner who is willing to do their own healing and hold the hands of the other in the process while they do theirs. If a relationship only causes you misery, tears, leaving you torn and feeling unloved and constantly put down…that is most likely trauma bond. I am sure that when a person loves themselves and you, they make it work, anything other than that are excuses. And life is so damn short….We have no guarantee that we will be here tomorrow. If only more of us would realize this sooner, the world would focus on living life at its fullest and being genuinely fulfilled rather than making other people suffer.
Another thing which I have learned from this heartbreak was the fact that I have to be patient with myself and give myself time to heal and to understand my feelings. My rational mind told me all of the reasons why this person clearly did not love me ( facts don’t lie) , but my heart refused to understand and accept it. I am happy that I did not jump to meet a new person, that I refused to engage on any dating apps and that I took my time with this. I realize that it wasn’t only this heartbreak that I mourned, it was all of my previous wounds, a trauma which was deeply rooted in my childhood. I am so very sure that many members from Hive carry their own hidden struggles as well and we all have our own intimate emotions which can’t be seen or known by everybody. Even my previous tormentor carries a struggle of his own. I will never be happy to know that someone suffers, even if they have caused me trauma. I think that all the people I have met and did me harm would have done better if they were healed. But in order to heal you must first admit that you are hurt, that you have a problem. And after this comes the exhausting task of solving family trauma, which involves heavy conversations with parents and changing the WHOLE dynamic of the family. This is hard as I have done it myself. Many don’t succeed, many lie to themselves and go on, many have no clue where their anger and hatred comes from. Darling, you hate your mommy and/or daddy and that’s ok. You will have the romantic relationships that mirror your relationship with the opposite sex parent, you can deny it or you can work on it. Either way, it will stick with you whether you admit it or not. But if we want to become better people we have to do the healing, no matter how old we are. The rage we see on people , in real life or on social media, it all stems from trauma. A happy person won’t go randomly screwing other people over and having fun knowing that they have caused pain. What I wish for all the guys who did not love me and caused me harm…is to heal.
Healed people make a better world, even if they won’t do it for me or with me. And I think that the most durable authentic change is the one that people do for THEMSELVES. It is not selfish to think of yourself and put yourself first. It is healthy and actually the only way in which you can later give more to others. In a perfect world, my tormentor has healed and maybe, maybe they will have the courage to dare to at least try to love someone for real and see how it is. Because living a life without love and blocking it like it is some kind of disease is a life which is wasted on building walls instead of roads. Walls separate while roads unite. Walls create a dark closed world while roads take you to unseen new places. We always have the choice and the price of inaction is far worse than having done what you have felt, even if it had meant to put your heart into the shredder.
So this is what the whole break from Hive was about? A plain old heartbreak and working on your inner peace more? You did not go to Hawaii to relax? Come on, give us something juicier
When you heart aches and you fall asleep with tears coming down your eyes and you blow your nose like a sad baby it gets juicy. Heartbreak and trauma originated snots are the most satisfying to blow from your nostrils. Jokes aside, there is nothing more. I am in process of figuring out more of what I want to do with my life and that will include some changes and I will probably talk about them in my future posts. Meanwhile I have build a habit of writing regularly in my healing journal with an old fashioned feather writing pen which I received as a gift for my birthday from a dear friend. I have turned 32 years old on 02.02.2022. It felt wonderful to know that I am a bit better as a person in comparison with last year. I was also very sick for two weeks and I had a friend stopping by and bringing me pills and bagels. Something which would not have happened if I were to get sick when I did not have a proper home. He had fun taking some pictures of my sick self with my Fuji because he is a photographer in his free time and he wanted to test my gear. I dearly kept the photos as a reminder that health is huge and that I should practice daily gratitude for every day when I wake up and breathe.
Not the usual glam hair , this is sick palm tree kind of hair. I am beautiful either way
.jpg)
Every person has a heart and it is most likely wounded by other people who were there before you in their lives. So it will never hurt to at least be neutral if you can’t be kind. Plain simple kindness is so underrated and often people say and do nasty things without realizing how devastating it can be for someone who was already down and beaten up by their own internal struggles.
.jpg)
I am still amazed how we people are built: even after the most horrible traumas, some of us can regenerate and choose love instead of hatred and resent. And for me this is the only language I will ever want to learn until I will no longer be here: the language of love. It is universal and it will truly touch anybody’s soul no matter how far they are. No trauma will take this away from me, it will only reveal it more. I hope it will do the same for you, wherever you might be in the world , facing your own pain and suffering. Take your time, heart heals and love always knows the right road. And for me, admitting my struggle in healing is an act of courage and I am proud for having shown this side of my life. This quote from one of my favorite authors sums it all up pretty well: One’s ships come in over a calm sea(Florence Scovel Shinn). No force, no suffering, no resistance. What is yours comes to you and stays. Remember that everytime you will feel like shedding a tear for the love you did not receive.
.jpg)
The other day I was wondering where you are as I haven't seen posts from you for awhile but then again I thought I might have missed your posts as I've been all over the place lately.
I'm sorry to hear about your problems, unfortunately I know how it feels. I guess we all have been through this at some point.
Hapciu? 😂😂😂 Yeah, this made me smile, although I've never used it. The last time I had a cold was four years ago when I registered to Hive.
I'm glad you're better enough to come back. Take care and take it easy 🤗
Hey! So I am not the only one being all over the place lately, this is comforting . I am sure that many can relate with this as I must tell you that is has been tough to pour my heart in here as I am used to hide my emotions very well. But I thought that maybe my struggles, if shared, might help others who have been in a similar situation.
My friend brought the tea and I definetely smiled too. It was wonderful to have someone take care of me even with small gestures, I am deeply grateful to that guy, he is a good person.
I will definetely take it easy as I am aware of the fact that healing is a process. I can't put a date and expect it to go smooth as my rational mind wants it. Thank you for stopping by and for your words:)
Hey Mary! I hope you are feeling better now and it's good to see you back even though it's not one of the happiest posts I have seen from you.
The irony is that I am 99% aware of whom you are talking about and it's a disappointment to see you suffering because of him, but don't forget that everything happens for a reason in life and I'm sure the sun will start shining on your way one day, even powerful than before.
Hang in there, you are strong!
Hey Gabriela! Ah I am definetely having a journey through this healing and I admit that I know I am vulnerable right now. I have good days and bad days. I know how I can hide behind work and other matters but fooling your own soul can only last for so long. In a way I am grateful for this journey as it teaches me great lessons about myself.
I am sure that some people know about this person because I have shared some things way back in the past. It does not matter , I don't wish them harm or suffering. I just want to heal and be ok.
Thank you for your encouragements, they help. I must tell you that throughout all of my life's issues , one thing stuck with me: art. I am still able to paint and draw while going through this and it really helps me a lot. Art...what would I have done without it...
I know it's a hard journey of healing. Unfortunately I've been there too and I know how it feels because I'm also a pretty sensitive person but in the end it's just a matter of time until everything will be alright.
As for the art, I'm sure it's still there. Sometimes this moments of heartbreaking do affect people on more plans and it's very important that the art is still there. Maybe it's just something that will make you take everything to the next level. Can't wait to find out!
I had moments when I didn't feel like doing anything and moments when a burst of creativity came in difficult times. Life is a journey and I am embracing these emotionally blurry times. Something good will come out of it for sure. I am working on not putting pressure on myself for figuring it out fast. Because these things can't be rushed.
I am sorry to hear about your struggles but happy to hear that you persevered to get to where you are now. Taking a break and reaccessing your situation is a very healthy approach. I hope that in time you will find the healing that you deserve. I would say that just because of bad experiences... you shouldn't change who you are at the core of your being. Seeing the potential and holding on to the possibilities is a blessing and a curse. But, more often than not it's something that can help you achieve the pinnacle of potential when the time and circumstances are right.
It's not much, but while you were gone i think i tagged you a bunch of times and i did post the portrait of you. So, you missed some art at the least. I hope it warms your soul and encourages you that you do have bonds and friends that endure! I am sure this time in your life is just a stepping stone to the best yet to come for you in all that life has to offer. I will keep you in my prayers. When/If you get time... you don't have to comment or upvote but it would be nice for you to go check it out!
Happy Ackzadance
real therapy hours in this comment section
need to make hive therapy a real business
You know, I think you're onto something. Hive therapy, Hive jobs, Hive dating, Hive live chat, Hive real estate section . Lol.
i am pretty sure that trump start6ed hive with @dan larimer using old cia software from wikileaks vault 7 8 to create this very .... decentralized economy ... where we all grow our own food, have our kids paid to deliver it on bikes every morning like india, or paper boys in the 50s, and have everyone working on chain yeah
what it does is just make our system more efficient its not abouit anything else
hive is perfect just has to be promoted by a big celeb or governmenbt official lol
and then this song will play as hive goes to $900 as Canadiana nd US truckers use it and trump and donald trump jr all jump on lol
Thank you for your words! Do send me a link to that post, I would love to see it!
You are very welcome. I meant all of those words. Thanks for responding. Here is the link to the artwork post. I hope you like it but it's not quite finished just yet.
Portrait Portrayal
Hope you had a great weekend! =)
WOWWWW I am so impressed, gosh this has made me smile, it is so cute! Wow. You did such an amazing job, the hair looks so well! Wow wow ahh wonderful post! When you completely finish it let me know, I would love to see the final result. Thank so much!
Awesome! I'm so glad you like it and that it gave you something to smile about. I worked on it last night and it's looking much better than i had expected. I really think you are going to like it once i finish it up! I will most definitely let you know! hahaha
I'm stoked about it, I might want to print that image on a tshirt and actually wear it , I would proudly do that
That would be incredible. I am going to mint it as an NFT at NFT Showroom... and was going to gift you the first edition. I will include the high resolution file as an unlockable. I did some more work on it and i should be finished soon'ish' hahaha It makes me proud that you are stoked about it!
Oh my dear friend Mary. You really have had a good go at life and love. There was one thing that you said somewhere in there..
And that caught my attention. It's not like I haven't heard this saying before. I have read it many times and have even seen it play out in the movies. But the thing is, in real life.. slow moving life.. we tend not to realize the truth to this statement until we are truly quite vested in our idea of what the relationship means to us. We realize this and then feel like we have devoted way too much time and energy into it. We feel like we can control the incontrollable. We also feel like free will has no power over us, our love, and our need to be loved.
I am so sorry that you have to suffer heart break. I have been there and know the feeling well. Plain and simple it SUCKS. You are the strong one though. You are stronger than you think, because you know LOVE. It impowers you and will drive you from bed and back into the world.
TRUE LOVE WILL FIND YOU. I believe in this whole heartedly so. You hang in there and keep a part of yourself, your heart and your soul open for it. One day, @creativemary will be not only loved to your expectations, but deeply then you ever had imagined.
Until then, while you heal from this love battle.. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. I will also keep a look out for cupid and tell him of this tragedy 😊. He needs to know that things are not as simple as arrows and candy hearts.
Awww reading this was like having a hot soup when you have a cold. Thank you, I can feel that you wrote it from your heart. It sucks and it's not pretty. Real life versus theory or movies is a whole different ball game. I knew all the theory but practice....was the hardest. The rational mind knows one thing, the emotions dictate another outcome. The good that I can see from this is the fact that I managed to track down the causes of my trauma and see why I was drawn to a certain pattern when it came to relationships. I am aware that my healing process will continue for the rest of my life, even when I will have a partner. We carry a lot of baggage from our childhood and we can't just hit a refresh button and make those go away.
It's huge to have someone say they keep you in their prayers, I am deeply touched by this and I thank you. Tell Cupid that I have learned to love myself first so the first arrow he should stick would be straight into my little heart. I know that when I will have lots of love for myself at the highest level, only then I will accept nothing less than what I deserve. I wanted to be honest and authentic and show that even beautiful talented people can have a rough time when it comes to love. And just simply admitting the whole thing is a huge thing for me as a person. I can only be patient with myself and embrace the journey. I will heal
I understand your anguish, and I am confident that you will overcome it. Heartbreak is common, especially when it comes from someone we didn't expect. I've been heartbroken by a number of people because of high expectations, so now I try to do things with little or no expectations, and it might work for you as well. It's good to have you back!
Hi! I appreciate your encouragements, thank you. Expectations do contribute to pain, standards do not. At what point do we give up our standards just to be loved? It is something to ponder about.
I think that with maturity we can realize what we can accept or not. And we make that decision faster and therefore the pain is far less. It's a journey, you can't rush it and I think that we all try it our way and my way might work for everybody and viceversa. I will continue my activity on Hive at my own pace as I am aware that I have to sit with my painful emotions and not try to run away from them by finding an activity to make me forget about my traumas.
You're more than welcome. That is the greatest option for you.
I like to think that at any given time we all make the best decisions that we can, at that time. Regrets are an awful thing to have (I know this from experience) and there is certainly no magic pill to make them go away. If, however, we all know we are doing the best we can at any given time, the regrets are minimised.
It's good to see that you took the time for yourself that you needed. So many people don't. I've even told my own children (old enough to care for themselves) that they are on their own for a weekend because if I don't take some time to care for myself, I will not be able to care for them when they need it. It's a balance.
Yes you are. Everyone needs to tell themselves this every day.
Regrets are like an infection really. They consume your energy. I was very good at shutting down my emotions. I can paint , write and work my emotions away. It can last for a long time until I snap.
People don't want to deal with trauma. Me included. But it is no other way around life and becoming better. I am still trying to find a way through this maze and hope for the exit. I know it is there and I am getting more clarity. Writing in a journal really helps, it is a way to release inner emotions faster without doing damage around. Emotions and coping with them has been a foreign language for me throughout my life. I have read all the books, watched all the videos, listened to all the podcasts...the putting into practice has been the hardest.
It is a work in progress and I realize that it will take me time. I don't want to hide from this by starting to spend hours working or sitting online or finding ways to bury the feelings again. Self denial doesn't work anymore although I am very good at reading for hours and pretending I am so so good, there is nothing wrong lol. The pain? Me? Oh no I am so good. Hmm right. Lol.
Self love is huge, I am learning this everyday. Baby steps. Understanding emotions the kindergarten phase:Mary.
Hi @creativemary it's good to have you back!
You're strong, beautiful and full of Value. Whatever you feel from a heartbreak, just know it's all temporary. There are better, more beautiful days ahead, you'll see!
Thank you very much for your words. It is temporary but somehow it lasts. Because life is emotion...
That's true... But your become a master of your emotions as time passes by.
Yes, I strive toward that direction: a better understanding and control of my emotions. And it takes time. And I accept that
Yes.. That's a good start.
You'll be fine.
I am confident that everything will be sort out eventually
Definitely!
that mescaline cactus will help change ur perspective lol
I have Googled it and wow, I did not know this about cacti. So I have the option to not go through the pain and eat all of my cacti instead and be better? Why haven't I done this sooner lol. I have many cacti. Funny. If only it would be so easy. There are not enough cacti on our Planet to feed and numb all the aching hearts. But finding this stuff about this plant was cool lol
oh my Mary, i sought comfort while reading this. i hope you a good health and peace of mind always.
Thank you, I have inner peace, the aching heart is what makes the healing difficult. I will get there. Thank you very much for reading and for the wishes!
Mary! I'm happy to know about you and I'm glad you are ok, even when what happend was tough. I understand your situation completely. Healing takes time and most of the times we try to fix things before realize how hurtful it can be. But you start healing even before making the decision, you started healing this whole time, Mary; you just accept it now.
I think that when we live something that makes us grow, there is always someone who is going to leave our life.
You look beautiful, btw. You are art.
Hello Alejandra! It is so nice to hear from you! Thank you for your words, they are so kind. We do grow as people and I can slowly accept that we change and that in our journey of self development we have to understand and heal our own wounds. We also have to face the reality and see what can or can't be done. Illusions and regret and inaction lead to nowhere. It is a painful mental place to be in and it has shown me the amount of healing I have to do . I am commited to do it anyway and I am sure that it will be better as I am over the denial and anger phase.
Awww thank for the compliment. I am art. To the bone. Even in my worse moments art has stuck with me. It is huge indeed.
I was starting to get worried about you and even thought that you might have gotten lost in that plant-infested jungle you call a bathroom!
I'm so sorry that you have to experience this kind of pain, I almost thought you were reaching out for the safe shores. It's painful. Having your heart ripped out while it is still beating might be less painful, although a toss-up on which is more traumatic.
I think this is so hard to sort through and live life. Being tossed aside as if you aren't important is pretty rude, you can part with a person, but, to make them feel less than a person? Rude. I cannot be cruel to anyone, even if they have done me wrong, I am not that person. But, you need to take care of yourself and shut him off, so that you can get back to where you belong.
You are so beautiful, even in your pain and sickness.
Be well, everyone is here, and reach out. XOXO
Oh getting lost in a jungle filled with plants might have felt more enjoyable than this. I am taking life as it happens day by day and I am aware that healing will not happen overnight. Introspection helps and writing about it. It is interesting to read my own thoughts and understand my reactions and emotions better.
I am learning to prioritize my emotional health as well as I can easily pretend that I am fine when in fact I am not.
Thank you very much Denise, I am grateful that I can speak here sincerely and have genuine support, it is soothing for my heart. I will continue to heal , slowly. Reading, painting, writing helps.
My favorite thought is , this is not time that matters but life .
What matters is to understand and transform with that new consciousness .
Much love sweets🌺
I agree with you. We all grow from every experience and a higher level of awareness is always helpful. Thank you🤗
Nothing much
Yes, nothing at all...
Congratulations @creativemary! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s):
Your next target is to reach 65000 upvotes.
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPCheck out the last post from @hivebuzz:
Support the HiveBuzz project. Vote for our proposal!
I understand you very well. When my fifteen-year marriage collapsed, I was frozen for two years. I was afraid to move, so that my feelings would not break through the dam and destroy everything around. Now I look back and wonder how I survived. But if today I was offered to return to that relationship, I would say no. It's normal that you may feel pain. This means you are alive. As long as you're alive, everything can be fixed. Hug you 🤗
Ah you described it so well...frozen. I did managed to lie myself that I am ok through work. I have piled a lot of things to do on my list so I would be able to forget. It worked for a while as I am capable of many hours of working. I was talking to Gabriela about how art has helped me through this. I would lie to say that I am completely ok by now. I know that this is a process.I have put pressure on myself by thinking: I should already be over this, why do I linger? But I can't fast forward healing, it does not work, I have tried.
Nobody would return to trauma. Would that person ever change? Would it be different? This can be a torture to ask yourself. I would not go back to that same dynamic and that pain. I am no longer the woman who would accept abuse in any form. In the same time, in the deepest corners of my soul, I can still sense a flickering hope that maybe people are capable of change. I am aware enough to realize that it is healthier to focus on my own healing though rather than trying to understand why that person did this or that.
Feeling pain is something I tried to avoid. I often supress my emotions and pick numbness and a state of freeze. But when the dam breaks and those feelings invade....it's tough.
How long did your healing take you? Which was the hardest part to accept? What would you tell to yourself then with the mind you have now?
hah like luke skywalker
Hahahahaha ok this was good lol. I was even dressed in black , Luke's hairstyle is more glamorous though. Lol. Awesome reply it has made me laugh hahaha. Put a cactus in his hands and he is almost me hahahaha.You good
There is a large number of spam posts with a phishing link coming from this account.
This is often a sign that the account was hacked. The same thing is happening on Animal-Shelter' steemit account.