One of the most valuable lessons i have learnt in life is that effort doesn't always produce results that are directly proportional to the effort and time you put into a thing or project. I remember back in third year in uni I would literally spend the entire night studying not because I wanted to but because my hostel-mate was making my life unbearable. So I would go into the campus in the evening from around 8 pm with books and an empty tummy because I was dead broke(those were really trying times). After a few hours of studying, I would sleep on a hard wooden bench. I repeated this cycle for about 3months consecutively. Every night i hard-pressed on those wooden benches consoling myself with the thought that it will all payout in the end. I would have an excellent report card to show for it. Well, it turned out to be my worse year in uni as my grades fell flat and there was little I would do about it. The emotional, mental, and physical strain I felt that period was unprecedented. I even doubted my mental capabilities. I was told all my life that all I needed to do was work hard--and hard I worked throughout that semester just to prove a point to myself. Probably if I had had enough rest and eaten properly I would have turned out with better grades but I did not factor those seemingly irrelevant factors.
('Cause mama mi won wa ni ile mi)
I no want make person tell me say I too lazy
(Oluwaburna of la la ni)
As I dey hustle like Adebayor Ogunlesi
(No go talk say me I too lazy)
Anywhere I go mo n' lati pada si ile mi
('Cause mama mi won wa ni ile mi)
I woke up to this song in my head. I try my best not to live for people because it can be frustrating but at the same time, one can begin to question themselves. I think people tend to deal with this sort of questions once in a while. I have achieved some good thing these past two years since I lost my dad who happens to be bread-winner of my family. These accomplishments are easily dwarfed by the number of responsibilities i have to carry. The other day I was jokingly telling my family that I was going to run away for a year or two and to be frank I have considered it. There have been so many times I wanted to leave because I could not take it anymore. I have gotten into very difficult financial position because of them and one of my greatest fears is that this is going to be my life for the next 3-4 years, at least my siblings can afford to take carry of their own needs. It seems like a huge sacrifice.
the things we do for love...
2020 has been a roller-coaster of a year. I am glad that in a couple of weeks i should debt-free (always in and out of debt) so i can focus on my property and do a few things. It is such a huge project, one that has swallowed most of my resources. Also, i hope in the next 6-12 i should have learnt all i need to know about coding so i can intern some, and start my professional journey. These are my dreams. Hopefully, someday i won't have to worry about the basic things or make irrational sacrifices for the people i love. Life shouldn't be so difficult. i vehemently refuse that narrative.
e no easy but we go make am--doing honest work
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