Indeed! I do believe the local Tractor Supply sells rakes!
Although, I have no money so I will probably have to steal it.
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Indeed! I do believe the local Tractor Supply sells rakes!
Although, I have no money so I will probably have to steal it.
Just tell them you're borrowing it if you get caught and if they argue tell them you can't hear or don't speak English.
That is a smart option for sure. They will be so confused that I'll probably be able to borrow numerous rakes instead of just one.
It's also worth noting that the current rapid influx of wealthy people bent on turning Colorado into an overpopulated disaster of a state has driven rents and home values up so goddamn high that normal people can barely afford to live here anymore and pretty much every place in town is desperately looking for workers. This includes local law enforcement. My point is, there are like maybe 3 officers tasked with policing a town of several thousand. All I would really have to do is start a dumpster fire on the south end of town as a diversion, and then walk into Tractor Supply on the north end and just take whatever I want. Which is a rake, I want a rake.
Maybe start two dumpster fires an entire hose length apart so they have to sit there and figure things out for awhile using math (which will slow them down). Then they won't hear the tractor I'm suggesting you borrow (just in case) drive away because sirens and thinking plus radioing dispatch to bring a calculator and all that stuff.
I like your trickstery suggestions! Two fires are always better than one fire regardless of the situation. I will definitely go with the tractor idea. Might take along a bag of body parts to scatter hither and thither for additional distraction as I make my escape. That will definitely slow them down.
If you need more stuff, like gas for the tractor or something, simply send a ransom note into the cop shop telling them you're holding the clerk hostage. When they all come and start asking the clerk questions, that's when you leave with a full tank.
It's a plan! On my way now. Let me just review all the steps real quick: 1) Steal a rake from the local cop shop, 2) use the rake to commandeer the first tractor I see driving down main street, 3) drive to the Tractor Supply parking lot and set the tractor on fire, 4) walk inside the store and rake the clerk to death, 5) set the store on fire, and 6) dismember the clerk and arrange his body parts into a ransom note.
Perfect!!
That's probably the only way this'll work. You got this.