Thank you for your story @corporateay ,
I really appreciate your work and your voice and remember I am not the one giving out points, but please try to see things from my eyes when I read your post. I first noticed your post begins with a catchy title "Alone in a crowded place". That was really good. The problem was that I lost the connection with title by the second paragraph.
I appreciated the story of Emmanuel and his struggle through the crowds who told him not to take the path he was going. Emmanuel was in solitude in a crowded place because he chose a musical career and his friends and family did not support him, but it wasn't easy to catch that at the first read.
Sometimes I felt distracted when reading about extra information that didn't fit the main topic or title. Also the conclusion was inconclusive and vague. I wish you could have given us a link to some of Emmanuel's work so we could empathize with him. It would be great if you could include a picture of Emmanuel. And a more exact title would be something like, "One friend alone in a crowd of voices".
Please refer to @nonsowrites' post
I appreciate your contribution, and I understand your points @mineopoly.
I’ll work towards setting my points straight
I have posted before reading these, i wished I had seen it before posting. You guys should see the changes in my next contest. Working towards it
I am excited to see your improvement and will keep an eye out for your article this week @corporateay.