Reveal spoiler
Sharing a different perspective is key to nonviolent communication.
My dogs ontop of Mount Greylock
A couple days ago, an article had come out by Newsweek that a professor was suing UCLA because he was suspended for not giving black students an easier final exam in June of 2020, following the death of George Floyd.
Article Link
Although there may be many differences of opinion on this article, what I want to talk about is how non-violent communication may have averted the situation that unfolded.
This is not a political article. I am only speaking about how nonviolent communication can prevent a disaster
Following the death of George Floyd, a student in the professors class had sent him an email before the exam that read,
"We are writing to express our tremendous concern about the impact that this final exam and project will have on the mental and physical health of our Black classmates."
This past summer, I had read the book non-violent communication by Marshall Rosenberg. The book speaks about many different situations in which you could use non-violent communication to let others know that you understand their situation, empathize with them and hear what they are saying, before letting them know if you have a difference of opinion.
This book has helped me tremendously, and has improved my relationships at home, at work and with family.
Where did this university professor go wrong?
Let's take a second to read his response.
"Are there any students that may be of mixed parentage, such as half black half-Asian? What do you suggest I do with respect to them? A full concession or just half? Also, do you have any idea if any students are from Minneapolis? I assume that they are probably especially devastated as well. I am thinking that a white student from there might possibly be even more devastated by this, especially because some might think that they're racist even if they are not."
In his response, the professor did not try to empathize, and instead directed his anger back towards the student.
While I understand where the professor is coming from, this lack of understanding by not trying to connect with the student and diffuse the situation made me cringe.
Nonviolent communication has four distinct parts, observation, feelings, needs and requests. Additionally, Marshall Rosenberg discusses using these paths to nonviolent communication by expressing self-empathy and honesty.
In the situation of the professor, I believe that if he had taken a step back, breathed and empathized with the student, his response would have been much better and there wouldn't have been a signed petition of 20,000 signatures that evening calling for him to be fired.
In this situation, it may have been better if he had not responded at all at that moment, or, if he responded with something along the lines of, "I see that your you are concerned about your classmates and sense that you may be anxious about how they may do in the exam due to current distractions. As a selfless request, this is very admirable, and although I too feel apprehension towards the current situation, I would not be able to fulfill this request, as I need to ensure all students receive equal treatment."
By showing the person on the other end that you can empathize with them and acknowledge their feelings, that person feels heard, and therefore is more open to a conversation. Due to this, nonviolent communication often deescalates confrontational situations so that instead of an all out argument, a debate ensues in which both parties end up learning something about each other.
I am still new to nonviolent communication, and so there are many ways I could improve, but understanding why someone is saying what they are saying, is the key to be able to de-escalate the situation.
Oh wow so because he didn't let someone who didn't prepare and wish to use his skin color to get preferential treatment... He gets fired? LoL.
Now isn't this racism in of itself.
Which is the bigger joke the fact that there's this petition going around to fire a teacher for doing their job or that we have students that just because of some protest they are demanding preferential treatment and a specific pass in their academic work just because some criminal overdosed on fentanyl and their riots across the Nation....
Wow this is a huge joke.
Personally that student doesn't even deserve the chance to have an education.
There are so many individuals that deserve an education and would respect it a lot more than this individual does.
Yeah that entire situation is ridiculous and unfortunately could have been avoided. This is why it's tough writing articles on something like this though. Although I think the reaction by all the students was over the top, unnecessary and the request absurd, the backlash could have been avoided. However, I do get the point also that we shouldn't always feel like we need to walk on egg-shells. But this guys career was ruined.
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That's an interesting point of view. I just finished how to win friends and influence people. Makes me think of the different people he stated, as examples of people that till their death never accepted blame or condemned themselves for their actions.
His point was that even though it might make you feel better to put them in their place. The outcome is usually a lingering bitterness and resentment. As a delivery person I've been given many chances to use empathy. I've probably failed more times then I succeeded, yet I clearly remember driving away from the fails. Thinking I should've handle that differently. Though I've been able to turn situations for the better the times I remember to choose empathy. !LUV topic. I'll have to look into the book.
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That's a great book too! I'm with you there as well that I've probably failed more times than I can count on this, but it's really about being present and letting go. Thank you for commenting and the !LUV!
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What a crazy situation. I think better communication could have definitely diffused the situation. I’ve had to refrain myself and very thoroughly think about what I say in a situation a bunch of times and it’s hard to step back for sure. Trying to think long term though is a good idea, a way to diffuse this type of stuff is the best bet.
Yeah! It's always hard in the moment. The more you practice the easier it becomes. I had lots of anger issues growing up, so this is my outlet.