It is said that comparison is the theft of joy. I see it more as developing anchor bias that skews where we should be or how we could be getting there.
Assuming these two are data points that one constantly reverts to in order to figure out what to do, then decision-making becomes reactive, given the data points are constantly changing based on new information or rather new picked up biases.
For example, one friend of mine met an acquaintance who's 36 and not yet married. Given that he's 10 years younger, considering the idea that he's not late for marriage is something that he ponders more of as of late.
I asked before meeting this acquaintance, how did he develop the idea that he ought to get married before 26 but couldn't give me a clear answer that's at least satisfactory in my view.
I was thinking more in the line of having a practical internal conviction to guide his timeline.
He mentioned something along the lines of wanting to be a young dad that can keep up with the hyperactivity of children in their early years and also be more relatable with them.
I did laugh in my head when he mentioned that but it's not for the reason that it sounded silly or unconvincing.
As humans, our idiosyncratic behaviors can pop up in the most unexpected places, given the right trigger or in this case, comparison point.
I think what did struck me was how quickly a single encounter could shift his entire timeline.
Just one conversation with someone living a different path, and suddenly his urgency dissolved.
I'm not sure for how long the 26-year-old deadline lasted for him but now it felt arbitrary. And I'm afraid that lacking much of a stickiness to his own reasoning would mean he keeps going back and forth between whichever life he last observed.
Today it's the 36-year-old bachelor who seems content. Next month it could be a stressed 28-year-old father who makes him panic again about his timeline.
Scary thought to think about in terms of making choices that actually stick.
Much of the issue isn't with the right age, as that's inherently arbitrary too, for the most part.
To me, the issue is a bit similar to building decisions on borrowed convictions.
As in when your timeline comes from comparison rather than internal clarity, you're always one conversation away from changing course.
You end up counting the days based on other people's calendars, never really sure if you're early, late, or right on time by your own measure.
Who wants to drift that way?
Definitely not my practical self.
Thanks for reading!! Share your thoughts below on the comments.
Posted Using INLEO
This person doesn't seem to know what he wants about marriage. At 26 I wasn't even thinking about marriage. I hope he is not walking around broke and thinking of having kids he can run around and play with.
Lol, yes. It's basically a lack of clarity about what marriage is for him as opposed to what he thinks marriage is based on all the information he has come across so far about it. Fortunately, he's not broke lol, his finances are fairly good but I can't vouch whether he can handle a couple of kids running around screaming that they want to play with daddy when daddy is busy with work :D
Thanks for stopping by :)