The second idea is spot on and it's something that I sometimes struggle to discern, especially with adults. In the long term, punishing bad behaviour doesn't really do much since the underlying problem isn't addressed and solved.
You are viewing a single comment's thread from:
Ah you've hit the nail on the head with this comment. It is a struggle to discern this issue when it comes to adults because it is so common to judge more harshly because you see a grown up body.
Bad behaviour is a cry for help . I think that the issue of one's own safety comes first because you can't sit still while someone's bad behaviour causes you severe damage: verbal abuse, beating, bullying etc. So addressing this issue is delicate. When someone's bah behaviour isn't bad enough for you to walk away for your own sanity/safety? This depends on each person's own limits, boundaries, awareness on how much they can cope with that bad behaviour etc.
Tolerating bad behaviour does the biggest damage to the one who does it because it enables it. Nobody learns to grow when their bullshit is accepted. So it is of incredible service to be able to address the bad behaviour and correct it at the root by addressing the lack of skill/trauma. But a core , key ingredient, is vital in this equation: the person with the bad behaviour has to genuinely understand the harm they are doing and to have a sincere desire to change. Without this attitude nobody, not even the Dalai Lama, could help a person like this.
Exactly, with adults, addressing such an issue is quite delicate and requires a number of factors. The primary one probably been how "mature" is the person, especially from an emotional or mental standpoint. That said, the receiver of this bad behaviour should in no way accept or allow it because the giver is immature. Such an attitude does more harm than good. A rule of thumb for me is usually to disconnect from the person, to become indifferent, at least for the foreseeable future.
Thanks for this insightful reply!