Rediscovering my childlike self
I am planning on doing at least one mushroom trip a month this entire year and yesterday was the second trip of the year. My first trip of the year was 5 grams and you can find the post here about that crazy experience. Yesterday's trip was "only" 2.3 grams and it felt like an entirely new type of experience for me.
I started my trip around 2:45 in the afternoon by eating my chocolate bar that is infused with psilocybin. The bars that I have come in a variety of different flavors, and yesterday we had the strawberry cheesecake flavor. It may sound delicious, but it was pretty gross. I chewed it up and swallowed it as fast as I could because there was no enjoying the flavor at all. My wife had a harder time getting it down and she vows that is the last time she is eating one of the bars because they do not taste very good. The original milk chocolate flavor is good, but all the fancy flavors are pretty gross.
After we ate our bars, we got ready to go out on a walk. The weather was amazing yesterday. The sky was bright blue and the sun was warm and shining down on us. When we go on our walk, it is about a mile and we walk along a canal and then make our way to a park and do a loop around it and then come back home. While we were at the park, there were so many people out enjoying the warmer weather. About 15 minutes into the walk, my stomach started to turn and I could feel my body beginning to react to what I had ingested.
The last experience was very intense and I could feel my body beginning to freak out. It was like my body remembered how intense everything was on the last trip and then I began to regret eating the mushrooms. But I just told myself that I made it through just fine last time and that this dose was a lot smaller and everything was going to be just fine.
Before I do trips, I like to set intentions so that I can get something out of them. My intention for this trip started a little over a week ago when I was in the shower and decided to shave my beard off. I have had some sort of a beard for the last 12 years, and over the last 2 years, I really let my beard grow out pretty long and my beard kind of became my identity. Mushrooms have a way of making you kind of lose your identity and then find yourself, so when I decided to shave off my beard, it was kind of a way for me to let go of the person that I was before I grew my beard and see myself in an entirely new way.
The old me prior to having a beard, I was a soldier in the military, and then when I got out of the military, I became a police officer. During those 15 years or so that I was in the military and law enforcement, I lived through some pretty traumatic circumstances and because of that, I lost a lot of who I was and became a pretty dark and mean person. I hated the person that I was and my beard was kind of a new identity for me. So when I shaved my beard last week, I was confronted with my old self in the mirror. The self that I hated and that had caused so much hurt to those around me.
When I came out of the bathroom, my daughter was sitting at the kitchen table and when she saw me, she started crying. I found out that she was crying because it brought her back to when she was younger and my face looked like that, but she was crying because she was happy for me because I was smiling and that was something I didn't do much back then. So it was healing for her to see me without my beard. The rest of the day was pretty weird for me as I saw myself in the mirrors and saw people reacting to me with having a smooth face.
So back to the intention of the trip... My intention was to forgive my old self and to create a new version of myself that I am going to live with. Throughout this year, I will be growing my beard back, but not to hide from my old self, but to make the best version of myself. I also wanted to just slow down and enjoy this trip because the last trip was such an intense experience, that I couldn't really relax and enjoy it while it was happening.
Once we got back from our walk, I could really feel things start to change. My stomach wasn't too happy and my body began to shake and vibrate. It is such a weird feeling to try and explain. It is like you have built up energy and wiggles that need to be released and your body just vibrates it out of you uncontrollably. You also get really cold and shivery, and all you want to do is lay down and wrap yourself in blankets.
So we laid down on the bed and turned some music on. My cats love to be with me during trips and at one point, I had two cats laying on me making biscuits and our husky was laying against my side. It felt like I was in the north pole just wrapped up in blankets next to a fire. The ceiling began to breath and my music started to get funky sounding. My wife was laying next to me and she couldn't stop the tears from streaming down her face. I just looked at her and kept thinking about everything that we have been through in our lives and how lucky I am to have her. I was looking into her eyes and just got such a strong feeling of comfort. It was like I was looking deep into her soul and it was such a familiar feeling. Kind of like we have been living together for eternity, just coming here to earth and finding each other. I cried a few times in her arms and was just so filled with love and gratitude for her and the amazing mother she has been to our kids.
We laid on the bed for like an hour or so. We planned on eventually going outside, but it was just too cozy to leave the bed. So instead, I just stared up at the ceiling and watched the paint morph into all sorts of shapes and designs. It was like looking through a kaleidoscope. The shapes would mirror themselves and move and morph into different shapes. The ceiling fan was off, so the blades werent spinning and the fan was dancing around the ceiling with the music. As it danced, the blades got shorter and longer. It really was fascinating watching everything. We eventually got up out of the bed and made our way outside.
We sat on our front porch and I brought a speaker out there so I could listen to music. Listening to music on mushrooms is one of my favorite parts of tripping. Music gets all distorted sounding. Time distorts, so the music kind of stutters and echoes. It is really hard to explain. The lyrics to songs hit a lot different as well. It is like hearing the songs for the first time and the lyrics were written just for you and for what you are experiencing.
The sun felt amazing on my skin and I was just sitting there in my own little world watching the earth around me. The grass was so green and vibrant and it was breathing and morphing in on itself. The tree in my front yard was swaying back and forth to the music as the sky behind it changed colors from deep purples to pinks. Then everything behind the tree began to melt away and smear down to the ground, kind of like the colors were just liquid and it was painted on a canvas and held vertical so the paint would just drip down.
My wife got some chalk and was drawing on our sidewalk and driveway. We were having so much fun and it felt like we were little kids again. I kept looking into the sun and it was so fun to do. My wife kept telling me it wasn't good to do but I just kept sneaking looks at it. When I looked into the sun, it was like a kaleidoscope of colors coming out of the sun towards me. As I was looking at the mountains, I noticed that I could see everything super clear. I saw antennas on the mountain where they have some observation stations or something and then I noticed that I didn't have my glasses on either. Its really cool how mushrooms can make your vision so clear while you are tripping.
The rest of the trip went really good as well. My wife and I just hung out and were little kids again. We felt so much gratitude for what we have and for everything we have been through that brought us to where we are in our lives. At one point while my wife was coloring and I was just sitting in the sun listening to the music, we said how dumb it was that what we were doing is considered illegal in so many places throughout the world. There should be nothing illegal about eating these mushrooms and exploring your mind and the world.
Mushrooms have helped me so much over the last couple years. They really are a life changing experience and can help you see the world in totally different ways. I am so lucky to have what I have and to have such an amazing woman by my side as I go through this life. Make sure to go outside, touch a tree and just appreciate your life.
My favorite thing to do while tripping us to sit by the river and watch the colors in the water
Strawberry cheesecake flavored psilocybin bars.. well I'll be a @#%#$%!! 😄 Wow that sounds like you had quite the tasty trip my friend. Glad things went well for you this time round.. and you are making an updated version of you.. that's awesome man. As for your cats making biscuits and etc.. lol hell yeah! 😂
The strawberry cheesecake bar was pretty nasty. It had a smell to it that was kind of like vomit. I ate mine pretty quick and just got it over with as fast as possible. My wife couldn't eat it as fast and had a hard time. I am glad that we don't have anymore of those flavors cause they were not that pleasant.
The part where your daughter was crying cos of your beards made me emotional
Your face is going to look so new and changed entirely
I can imagine that
It has been interesting to see my face again. I have been working out and watching what I eat over the last couple years and my face has gotten a lot skinnier than it used to be, so it was cool to shave and see it again before i regrow my beard.
This one sounded much more enjoyable than the first 🥺👍 sometimes less is more!
I typically trip indoors, but I will say that the trips I've had outside have been some of the best of my life. The last time I was with my husband, I broke down crying, we thought we could hear the drums from Jumanji, the colour purple kept appearing everywhere we went, we heard Can't Help Falling In Love With You...
I really enjoyed reading this one, thank you for sharing 🙏 we hope to have our trip soon, need an evening to drop the babies off at grandma's! 😄
Ya, this one was a lot more fun than the previous trip. The other trip was fun looking back on it, but during it, it wasn't the most fun I have ever had, lol. It was really nice to be able to relax into this trip and enjoy it all. I am looking forward to the spring and summer because tripping outdoors in nature is so much fun.
I love your posts about your mushroom trips. It's been a while for me since last time I had mushrooms or any psychedelics. I think last time was about 4 years ago on LSD. Your experiences make me want to get some mushrooms again, my wife has talked about it recently too, but life and kids just keeps us too busy....
When you mentioned about shaving that long beard, I had to scroll down the post before reading to check if there was any pictures. LOL.
Thanks man. I am glad you enjoy these posts. Mushrooms are such an amazing experience and have really changed my entire outlook on life.
Here is a shot of me with the beard and then without.
Looking good!!!
Thanks man. I am gonna be glad when I have a decent beard again. It's been pretty healing to start growing it from nothing.
I've always had a goatee(long and short), for some time a beard that got pretty long too. But from time to time I feel like I have to restart it, it's fun and feels like a fresh start for other things in life as well. Thanks for sharing the pics!
It’s good to face yourself and deal with your inner issues. Mushrooms do a great job of releasing the crap.
And yeah, gotta stick to milk chocolate. Doing a Reese’s kind of thing is good too. But yeah I couldn’t do strawberry or something like that. Maybe some actual strawberries once the trip is going, lol. That would be good!
I ate a couple of grams last weekend with some friends at a campout, but we took them a gram at a time instead of all at once so it wasn’t as intense. But good times were had. Except for pulling out what is probably a 30 year old tent I grabbed from my parent’s place and trying to put it up… That was a bit of a nightmare and I ended up sleeping in my buddy’s truck with my dog, 😂
LOL, I can only imagine trying to put together a tent midtrip. I dont think I would be able to do it. I was talking to my wife about how fun it would be to go camping and do a trip. Being outside in nature during these experiences is pretty amazing.
LOL, yeah, it was funny. I ended up getting it up, but some of the support poles were trashed so it wasnt very sturdy and kept blowing over, lol. But hey, taught me I need my own tent, lol. Nothing like some nature while on a natural trip!
Thanks for sharing this! Very interred and emotional reading it. Can’t help but really fell happy for you. It takes a lot for anyone to do what you have been doing, and it is very inspiring. Hopefully one day I can overcome my fear and do a good trip. I can of ruined psychedelics when I was young and doing then with the wrong intentions. Having the right intention is key tk using these substances.
You said it. Intention is one of the most important aspects of using these types of substances. Hopefully you are able to work up the courage to try mushrooms again. Set and setting are important as well. I do a lot of prep work before I go into doing a trip. Meditating and yoga have probably really helped me to keep things under control during my trips.
I haven't tripped on mushrooms for...at least 25 years. The last time I did, I hadn't even heard the term "set an intention," but I wish I had! Pretty sure it would've prevented, or at least mitigated, the bad trip I had.
Part of me wishes I could still take these inner journeys, but I'm afraid my adult life might make it too much to handle. It's refreshing to see fellow grownups doing it and having good, intentional experiences, so thank you for sharing! Reading about your trip brought back some great memories from my own days of inner exploration.
!PIMP
!PIZZA
Having the right set, setting and intention are some of the best ways to reduce the chances of a bad trip. Bad trips aren't inherently bad though. I view them as sort of a puzzle that you need to piece together to find out why the trip went that way. These substances are intelligent and even the bad trips can have some pretty profound meanings to them.
I think you would do great on a mushroom trip now that you are in your adult age. It helps you reflect back on your life and will teach you lessons. I dont think I would have the respect that I have for them now if I would have been doing these back in the day because back then, they were more of a party drug and not something for inner reflection.
You must be killin' it out here!
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You earned 5.000 PIMP for the strong hand.
They're getting a workout and slapped 2/2 possible people today.
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It's a completely different experience man, I don't think I've ever experienced anything like that in my life, so I don't know what it feels like haha. I'm so glad it was good for you and your wife.
It really is something that you would have to experience for yourself if you truly want to grasp the experience. It is hard for someone's mind to wrap itself around how it is possible to see these things. It is like all your senses begin to blend into one and you can feel colors and see sounds. It is amazing.
Thanks for being so open with your mushroom experiences. Following with interest. :)
Thank you for stopping by. It's a lot of fun to record these experiences.
Oh you had quite a profound experience! I have read about psilocybin and listened to Andrew Huberman talking about it and even a well known psychiatrist Gabor Mate had a similar "trip". It is used in therapy because studies have shown it can do wonders for ptsd. What a moment to share with your wife....nice
Mushrooms have worked wonders for my PTSD. They really have been a tool for me to get my life back and really begin appreciating life.
I am happy to hear that, hopefully in the future they will be available to more people who would benefit from their use
$PIZZA slices delivered:
@willendorfia(2/10) tipped @derangedvisions