Depression can be likened to a snake creeping eerily through the grass. If you’re lucky enough, you could notice it on time and take measures to ensure that you don’t get bitten. But if you’re not, you’ll only find out when it’s too late.
This is something that happens even to the best of us, many people get depressed without even knowing it. It’s not something that can be deciphered simply by reading people’s faces, even those who smile and crack jokes with others might be suffering severe depression as well. No one is safe, and it can come for anyone at all, and at any time. This is why taking care of our mental health is very important.
I’ve had such a spell one time and it was at a period of my life when nothing seemed to be working out for me. This was shortly after my ND when I went for my one-year I.T. I told you earlier about how I turned down the opportunity to work at NBC (Nigerian Bottling Company) just so I could focus on furthering my career as a writer.
Well, it didn’t get all rosy and peachy immediately. At the time, all I had was my phone, I didn’t even have a laptop. When I made that decision, I was getting writing gigs and I foolishly believed that it would keep coming like that, without fail. I was wrong.
Not long after, I went for a long spell without getting any jobs. I scoured the internet looking for writing gigs, there were so many things I wanted to do, but the lack of money stopped me from doing them. I began to think that I made the right choice because I was certain that if I had gone to NBC as expected of me, I would have been working and earning good money at the time.
During that period, all I did was sleep and eat. That was the long and short of my day. And if there’s one thing I hate, it’s having nothing to do. I hate getting to the end of a day and not being able to point at one thing and say; “I achieved that today.” It always makes me feel like the entire day went to waste. Sadly, these were the kind of days I was plagued with, day after day after day. The only form of activity that got to do with writing that I did was here on Hive, but at the time, I wasn’t earning enough to justify my choice.
This period really messed with my mind to the point that even when I had a lot of time on my hands, I literally did nothing. I went for weeks without washing a single cloth, simply because I kept telling myself I’d do it next week, after all, I had time. I didn’t even sweep my room or make my bed. Coming online to social media, all I saw were my friends who were making waves, some were earning and talking about their doings, and those who had bought cars were always showing it off. But for me, nothing seemed to be working. All I wanted was to further my writing career and make enough money so I could sponsor my own HND education. That wasn’t too much to ask, so why did it feel so impossible to achieve?
Things began to change when I finally secured a writing gig with an international client. I was to write a novel for them based on a popular game. At the time, I was charging N1 per word, and using my phone to get it done was really difficult. But I managed to make it happen. Twenty-five thousand words! I did it on my phone!! That money wasn’t enough to get me a laptop, so I sold just about everything I could sell. All my digital assets, both on and off Hive, and I was eventually able to raise enough money to get the laptop.
And the moment I bought this laptop, my life took a dramatic turn. I hit deadlines faster and they were impressed and gave me more work. Over time, my rates went even higher. The last time I worked with that particular client, it was N4 per word. And then, not long after, I found Lightreader and I tried writing for them.
All these things got me pretty occupied, and I found that when I was working and earning, I didn’t have the time to think of other things. My main issue then was having so much time on my hands and not having what to do with it. Once that was solved, I started feeling better about myself. And till today, I still feel great.
But then, one can argue that I didn’t leave that experience unscathed. You see, I feel that I got my workaholic nature from that period. As it is, I’m scared of not having something to do. Any day when I don’t work, I’ll feel like something is seriously missing. It’s what makes me take on so much work and as I am, I can’t say no to jobs. Any work you bring my way, unless my plates are over-full, I’ll definitely say yes to you.
You might think this is a good thing, but it’s not. It has made me a bit of a loner, and it made me isolated from everyone because I’m always working. I don’t hang out all that much because I’m always working. And even when I tell people that’s the reason I can’t meet up, it feels like a lie even to my ears.
So, one of my goals this year was to learn to relax and say no. I want to have more fun and hang out more with my friends and loved ones. I want to travel and spend this money that I’m killing myself for. Because so far, most of it has been going to this school that has been sucking my blood…hehe. But sadly, for something that has been ingrained deeply in me, it’s a bit hard to shake it off. However, I’m certain that as long as I keep on working on myself, I’ll get better.
I’m not saying that I don’t want to work, I’m just saying that I don’t want it to be my everything. I also want to have a life outside. That is very important as well. That is something I’m looking to achieve this year, and I really hope that I succeed.
So, I guess I’m a work in progress after all.
This post has been manually curated by @steemflow from Indiaunited community. Join us on our Discord Server.
Do you know that you can earn a passive income by delegating to @indiaunited. We share more than 100 % of the curation rewards with the delegators in the form of IUC tokens. HP delegators and IUC token holders also get upto 20% additional vote weight.
Here are some handy links for delegations: 100HP, 250HP, 500HP, 1000HP.
100% of the rewards from this comment goes to the curator for their manual curation efforts. Please encourage the curator @steemflow by upvoting this comment and support the community by voting the posts made by @indiaunited..
This post received an extra 11.96% vote for delegating HP / holding IUC tokens.
Thank you for this.
I can relate with your experience. Whenever I am out of job, I begin to occupy my mind with different kind of thoughts. It kills my self-esteem. However it is good to strike a balance. A touch of work life and social life is awesome.
Yeah... that balance is needed, because lack of it is what is making everything so hard.
I've been in that state before and I can tell how bad it is to be a loner and be isolated from people around you.
It's never a good thing and it makes one lose his or her self-esteem in public.
Thank you for sharing out this amazing experience of yours boss
It's a good one I must say boss.
Being a loner is not good at all, and I'm making sure that it becomes a thing of the past.
Please try too boss
It's not good for you
It is a fact that nowadays the life of every human being is in a lot of problems, but a person cannot tell anyone else about his problems and always has to laugh with others and a person is very sad inside himself. One day he becomes suicidal.
Yeah... no one really knows what goes on in the minds of others, so we don't really know what people are going through.
Yeah you are right.
This has always been the killer, isn't it?
A lot of people got driven into depression because they felt their mates are doing a lot better than them. Even though it looks easy to notice, it's quite hard to tackle that thought of not doing enough.
I'm glad you fought your way out.
It wasn't easy ooo, but I did it. Those things don't touch me anymore.
I love your illustration of depression using a snake and grass, describes how it works. Each time I remember what depression feels like I make sure I run from anything that would bring it my way.
One can't fathom how much one's live could turn around in an instance, if you don't give up in spite of the obvious failures. Thank God you kept searching for gigs till you meet the one for 25k words. I tried to picture how excited you were then😂.
Hehe... the excitement didn't last for long. Especially when I saw how stressful it was doing it on a phone.
But so much has happened, and it's all in the past now.😁
Life not going as planned for us can throw anyone into a depressed state because it's impossible for us not to think about the things we couldn't achieve.
It can be difficult coping without a job and I can relate to that especially when you have a lot of things to achieve and can't do any. I am happy things worked well for you and it was easy to put that depressed state behind you.
Yesso... just getting something to do, and having something to distract me was all I needed. And it worked for me.
I’m glad you are willing to have more fun this year and hang out with more friends
It is needed
Yesso... but that's just being so hard! I don't know why...
Congratulations @bruno-kema! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)
Your next payout target is 16000 HP.
The unit is Hive Power equivalent because post and comment rewards can be split into HP and HBD
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPCheck out our last posts:
Thank you for this.
All good @bruno-kema! You're a true Hive champion! Onward to that new goal!