There are many evils surrounding us that cling to us like leeches, slowly hollowing us from within. These evils act as poison to emotions such as love, affection, brotherhood, and unity. One of the most significant social evils among them is mistrust. Mistrust means assuming something about someone that is not their true intention. For example, it is common to think that if someone openly donates to charity or does a good deed, the first thought that comes to mind is that they are doing it for fame or recognition. In other words, we assume that the good deed is done with the intent of gaining popularity. But only God knows the true intentions of hearts. It is possible that the person is acting out of sincerity, and we are unjustly mistrusting them.
ہمارے ارد گرد پھیلی بہت سی ایسی برائیاں ہیں جو جونک کی طرح ہم سے چمٹ کر اندر ہی اندر ہمیں کھوکھلا کرتی جا رہی ہیں. جو پیار، محبت، الفت، اخوت اور بھائی چارگی جیسے جذبات کے لیے زہر قاتل ثابت ہوتی ہیں. انہی میں سے ایک بہت بڑی معاشرتی برائی بدگمانی بھی ہے. بدگمانی سے مراد یہ ہے کہ آپ کسی شخص کے بارے میں ایسی بات سوچیں کو اس کا مقصد نہ ہو. مثلاً: ہمارے ہاں یہ ایک عام تاثر پایا جاتا ہے کہ اگر کسی کو اعلانیہ طور پر صدقہ خیرات یا کوئی اور نیکی کرتا ہوا دیکھتے ہیں تو ہمارے ذہن میں آنے والا پہلا خیال یہ ہوتا ہے کہ یہ شخص شہرت اور نام کمانے کی خاطر ایسا کر رہا ہے. گویا ہم اس کے بارے میں یہ گمان کرتے ہیں کہ یہ نیک عمل شہرت کی خاطر کر رہا ہے. لیکن دلوں کے حال تو رب ہی بہتر جانتا ہے. یہ بھی ہو سکتا ہے کہ وہ یہ عمل دکھاوے کے لیے نہ کر رہا ہو، بلکہ واقعی نیک نیتی سے کر رہا ہو اور ہم بلاوجہ اس سے بدگمان ہو رہے ہوں.
Sin:
Mistrust is not only an unethical attitude, but our religion also warns us against it. In the Holy Quran, Allah Almighty says:
"O you who believe, avoid much suspicion; indeed, some suspicion is sin." (Surah Al-Hujurat, Verse 12)
In this verse, Allah commands the believers not to engage in excessive suspicion because some suspicions are sinful. Isn't it alarming that the baseless assumptions we make about others can turn us into sinners? Often, these suspicions reach us through others, and instead of investigating the truth, we become ready to fight over hearsay. In previous blogs, you may have read that in Pakistani society, disputes often last for generations. In fact, within my own family, a similar incident occurred. One brother planted a tree in his field, and someone misinformed the other brother, saying that the first brother was unlawfully using his land. Enraged, the second brother uprooted the tree. Seeing this, the first brother also became furious, and the fight escalated to the point of murder. One brother killed the other, and in retaliation, the sons of the deceased killed their uncle. Now both sides are imprisoned, accused of killing their own relatives.
گناہ:
بدگمانی نہ صرف اخلاقی طور پر ایک غیر منصفانہ رویہ ہے، بلکہ ہمارا دین بھی ہمیں اس سے روکتا ہے. آپ دیکھیے قرآن مجید میں اللہ رب العزت کا ارشاد ہے:
یٰۤاَیُّهَا الَّذِیْنَ اٰمَنُوا اجْتَنِبُوْا كَثِیْرًا مِّنَ الظَّنِّ٘. اِنَّ بَعْضَ الظَّنِّ اِثْمٌ. (سورۃ الحجرات، آیت نمبر: 12)
اللہ رب العزت نے اس آیت میں اہل ایمان کو مخاطب فرماتے ہوئے یہ حکم صادر فرمایا ہے کہ بہت زیادہ گمان مت کیا کرو. کیونکہ بعض بدگمانیاں گناہ ہوتی ہیں. ہے نا کتنی خطرناک بات؟ کہ ہم جو دوسروں کے بارے میں غلط باتیں اپنے ذہن میں فرض کر لیتے ہیں، وہ ہمیں گناہ گار بنا دیتی ہیں. بسا اوقات یہ بدگمانیاں دوسرے یا تیسرے فرد سے ہم تک پہنچتی ہیں. ہم بجائے اس کی تحقیق کرنے کے، محض سنی سنائی باتوں پر ہی لڑنے مرنے کو تیار ہو جاتے ہیں. اور میری پچھلی بلاگز میں آپ یہ پڑھ ہی چکے ہیں کہ ہمارے پاکستانی معاشرے میں لڑائی نسل در نسل جاری رہتی ہے. زیادہ دور کیا جانا، ہمارے ہی رشتہ داروں میں ایسا حادثہ ہوا تھا کہ ایک بھائی نے اپنی زمین میں آک کا پودا لگایا. کسی شخص نے دوسرے بھائی کو جا کر بتا دیا کہ تمہارا بھائی تمہاری زمین میں ناجائز تصرفات کر رہا ہے. بس پھر کیا تھا. یہ بھائی غصے میں بھرا ہوا آیا اور پودے کو اکھاڑ پھینکا. یہ دیکھ کر پہلا بھائی بھی غصے میں آگیا. چنانچہ یہ لڑائی اتنی بڑھی کہ دونوں کے قتل کی نوبت آگئی. ایک بھائی نے دوسرے کو مار دیا. پھر دوسرے بھائی کے بیٹوں نے اپنے چچا کو مار کر اس کا بدلہ لیا اب دونوں جانب سے سگے رشتہ دار ایک دوسرے کے قتل کے الزام میں گرفتار ہیں.
Regret:
Just a few days ago, my parents bought two dinner sets from the nearby Chase Up store. Usually, new dinner sets are not opened immediately, but my mother noticed that one box was not properly sealed. She grew suspicious that something might have been stolen from it by the store staff. Upon counting, eight pieces were indeed missing from the set. What was strange was that one piece from each pair of items was gone. If only plates or spoons were missing, it could be assumed that they were lost or stolen by someone other than the staff, but the absence of one piece from every item raised serious concerns. My parents immediately assumed that the store had cheated them. When they tried to check the bill for contact number, they found no number on the bill, and Google searches yielded no contact number either. This suspicion turned into certainty that the store had committed fraud, and harsh words were said about them. A sense of disappointment lingered, but there was a faint hope that it might be a misunderstanding. So I took my mother back to the store, where the audit manager immediately approached us with an apologetic tone. He explained, "Sir, our staff accidentally forgot to put the display set in your box. When I came to check, I found one full set of box is missing, and I was just asking the staff who they sold the incomplete set to." because there were pots of the same box on the shelf. We were stunned because, on the way coming here, we were anticipating rude behavior and expected that we might have to leave empty-handed. While it was indeed their mistake, but we had also harbored negative assumptions about them.
ندامت:
ابھی چند روز قبل ہی کی بات ہے کہ میرے امی ابو گھر کے قریب ہی واقع Chase Up سٹور سے 2 ڈنر سیٹ لے کر آئے. عموماً نئے ڈنر سیٹ فوراً کھولے نہیں جاتے. لیکن میری امی نے دیکھا کہ ایک ڈبہ پیک نہیں ہے. انہیں شک گزرا کہ کہیں اس میں سے سٹور والوں نے کچھ چرا نہ لیا ہو. جب ڈنر سیٹ نکال کر تمام برتن گنے تو واقعی 8 برتن کم تھے. حیرانی کی بات یہ تھی کہ برتنوں کی جوڑی میں سے 1 1 برتن کم تھا. اگر تو صرف پلیٹیں کم ہوتیں یا چمچ کم ہوتے تو یہ سوچا جا سکتا تھا کہ شاید کسی نے چوری کر لیے ہوں یا راستے میں گر گئے ہوں مگر تمام برتنوں میں سے ایک ایک برتن کا غائب ہونا تشویشناک تھا. سو امی اور ابو دونوں سر پکڑ کر بیٹھ گئے کہ سٹور والوں نے فراڈ کر دیا. پھر جب خریداری کے بل کو دیکھا کہ نمبر ملا لیں تو وہاں نمبر بھی موجود نہیں تھا. گوگل سے تلاش کرنے پر بھی نمبر نہیں ملا تو یہ شک یقین میں بدل گیا کہ سٹور نے ہم سے دھوکہ کر دیا ہے. اور انہیں بہت برا بھلا کہا گیا. ایک مایوسی کی سی فضا پیدا ہو گئی تھی. مگر ایک موہوم سی امید تھی کہ شاید کوئی غلط فہمی ہو گئی ہو. سو میں والدہ کو لے کر دوبارہ سٹور پہنچا تو فوراً آڈٹ مینیجر ہمارے پاس آیا اور انتہائی معذرت خواہانہ لہجہ میں گویا ہوا کہ: سر! ہمارے سٹاف سے غلطی ہوئی کہ وہ آپ کے پیکٹ میں ڈسپلے والا سیٹ ڈالنا بھول گئے. میں جب چیکنگ کرنے آیا تو میں نے دیکھا کہ ڈسپلے میں ایک سیٹ لگا ہوا ہے لیکن اس کا مکمل سیٹ غائب ہے تو میں ان سے پوچھ ہی رہا تھا کہ کس کو نامکمل سیٹ بیچ دیا ہے؟ یہ سن کر ہم حیران رہ گئے. کیونکہ آتے وقت ہمارے خیالات یہ تھے کہ نہ جانے یہ بدتمیزی کریں گے؟ پتہ نہیں واپس بھی کریں گے یا نہیں؟ یا ہمیں یونہی خوار ہو کر واپس آنا پڑے گا. مانا کہ غلطی تھی ان کی. مگر ہم نے بھی تو ان کے بارے میں منفی سوچنے میں کوئی کسر نہیں چھوڑی تھی نا.
Lesson:
From this experience, I have learned that when we indulge in mistrust, we first harm ourselves. Naturally, when things do not meet our expectations, they weigh heavily on us, causing mental distress. Then, this mistrust hurts the other person due to our behavior. Instead of fostering mistrust, if we investigate matters directly, many broken relationships could be saved, or those already broken could be repaired. We lose many loyal, good, and valuable people due to our suspicions. On the other hand, positive thinking leads to a peaceful and fulfilling life, not only for ourselves but also for those around us, as they have trust and confidence in us. This is also the lesson from the life of the Prophet (PBUH), to always think well of your brother. Therefore, in any situation involving our loved ones, we should hold good assumptions.
Stay positive. Think positive.
سبق:
اس تمہید و تجربے کے بعد میں اس نتیجہ میں پہنچا ہوں کہ جب ہم کسی کے بارے میں بدگمانی میں مبتلا ہوتے ہیں تو سب سے پہلے تو ہم خود کو تکلیف دیتے ہیں. ظاہر سی بات ہے جب ہماری توقعات کے برعکس کوئی کام ہوتا ہے تو وہ ہم پر بوجھ بنتا ہے. ہم ذہنی طور پر پریشان ہوتے ہیں. پھر اس کے بعد وہ اس شخص کے لیے اذیت بنتا ہے ہمارے رویہ کی وجہ سے. اگر ہم بجائے بدگمانی پالنے کے براہ راست تحقیق کر لیں تو ہمارے بہت سے ٹوٹ جانے والے رشتے ٹوٹنے سے بچ جائیں یا جو ٹوٹ چکے ہیں وہ دوبارہ سے جڑ جائیں. ہم بدگمانیوں کی زد میں آ کر بہت سے وفادار، اچھے اور قیمتی انسان کھو دیتے ہیں. جبکہ اس کے برعکس مثبت خیالات کے نتیجے میں ہم نہ صرف خود پرسکون اور اطمینان بخش زندگی گزارتے ہیں، بلکہ ہم سے متعلقہ لوگوں کو بھی ہمارے متعلق یقین اور اطمینان رہتا ہے. خدشات لاحق نہیں ہوتے. اور یہی درس ہمیں سیرت سے بھی ملتا ہے کہ اپنے بھائی کے بارے میں ہمیشہ نیک گمان رکھو. لہٰذا ہمیں کسی بھی واقعے سے متعلق کوئی بھی بات ہو، اپنے پیاروں اور عزیز و اقارب کے بارے میں نیک گمان رکھنا چاہیے.
مثبت رہیں. مثبت سوچیں.
Wow...I think this post is made just for me. You know what? I experienced the negative effect of mistrust just last week and I learned my life lessons. The lessons you mentioned here is very valuable and should be held firmly for someone who wishes to fight mistrust issues
Yes! Something happened between my partner and I and I assumed wrongly..for the first time, I didn't trust what he told me and I immediately concluded without investing the matter, he felt hurt badly due to my reaction. However, he caused it by not communicating well with me, but I must admit that I should have been patience enough before making my conclusion.
Overall, mistrust was the problem and why I later found out the truth...I deeply apologized to him.
It's so easy to lose good friends due to mistrust but we can do well to investigate matters before reaching a conclusion!
Thanks for this content
I got value as usual 👌
Been a while.... hope you are doing great?
You are a wonderful mother and wife. Even if you've had some misunderstandings with your husband, your past actions have shown your strength. Be cautious, as relationships can be slippery and delicate. If mistrust begins, it can harm both you and your children. Always use logic before jumping to negative conclusions (best is if u can think positively). Later, you can discuss your reasoning calmly and resolve the situation together.
This post is really interesting and full of great truths, as big as a house.
Human beings by nature tend to get stressed and anxious thinking about what "may" happen, at least on this side (speaking of South America) that is normal. Then they tend to be distrustful or make "value judgments" without having complete information about what is happening. It is therefore necessary to know an entire situation in depth to have a better panorama, and even so, having all the information, one can continue to be a sinner, because we will never know the intentions of the other person, as you explain in your publication.
It is the most correct way to lead a healthy life.
Recently someone got furious with me because (according to him) I should not be calm and calm with what he was telling me (he was bullying me, offending me and attacking me). He expected me to respond aggressively, I suppose with some offense or aggressively, and on the contrary I treated him calmly, gently, letting him know that he would not continue talking to him. He got even angrier (I still think he follows him), because he expects me to challenge him, or something similar. On the other hand, I am focused on what I want, the one with the problem is him, I offered him a way to help him, but if the other party does not want to be helped, I continue my path.
I think that's what contributes to our mental health and a better life. Without being sinners, or being less sinners according to what you explain in your religion? Maybe I'm not right, but this way of thinking surely makes the way of living easier.
Very interesting publication, which makes you start talking a lot. I regret not knowing how to speak Pakistani, to be able to understand and express more correctly everything I want, since in English, a lot of the essence of what I write is surely lost.
I also believe that it's because of cultural impact.
Thanks for sharing your personal story. It contributes to the topic discussed above.
Whether you follow a religion or not, you can learn good lessons from Islam. You can select what you want to add to your daily lifestyle. Rules help us stay disciplined but the same rules can be harmful if misunderstood or reach extremism.
Reading the translation in English of my post also doesn't deliver my exact feelings. But I am happy to communicate depending on translators. This era is filled with information as well as misinformation.
!LOLZ. Our language is not Pakistani. It is Urdu. Hehe.
While ot is true that a lot of essence is lost in translation, but still you have made yourself pretty clear 🙂
Well Urdu, I apologize for my ignorance! I am ashamed of it.
I try, through the language resources I know, to represent as graphically as possible what I want to convey. I suppose that being a writer and running a blog for so many years helps. 😅
There is no reason to be ashsmed of. No one can know everything in the world.
You have got mastery over it, I mist say 😃
Well, I don't know exactly what to answer you, so I'll do it with an animated gif.
Haha. Thankfully in the digital space now, we have emojis and gifs to express something when we cannot make put what to say.
These things have made us dumb though, in general. That's another debate.
(You are excluded as you are one of the pros in expression of ideas I have ever came across).
is on spanish, i suggest you to translate it, i have a 50 min video too, but is on spanish, a shame that it dont have subtitles, because is a very interesting explication about the emojis. I just made a very deep explication on this topic, a very good one.
https://peakd.com/hive-186119/@manclar/son-los-emojis-el-futuro-de-la-comunicacin-final-de-mi-reflexion--gya
It is a big problem that goes beyond that, it is a factory of useless people...
In what way? I am interested in knowing your elaborate explanation.
If any person is donating, then many people think that the person is doing all this for popularity or he has some selfish motive behind it, but these are the same people who do not donate even a rupee and find some negative thing in the work done by others. Whatever the excuse, that person is definitely helping some temple in some way, so in such a situation why spread wrong things about anyone.
In such a situation, it also happens many times that the person who should help with a true heart also backs off because he feels that these people will criticize him and that people will consider his help as his own benefit. A few years ago when the Covid-19 virus spread all over the world, there were many people who were helping those people whose sources of income had stopped and they did not even have anything to eat. In such a situation, I was seeing here that those people were going to their homes and distributing ration to the poor and there were many people who had become homeless, so they were arranging transport and accommodation for them. Some people are criticizing the people you have listed who are doing so much by risking their lives and these are the same people who lie at home all day and do not do any work and they themselves criticize the person who they see doing good work.
Doubting If we are doubting something about which we do not have complete information, then such a person will be called a sinner. I believe here that if a person cannot do good work, then he should not doubt the good work of anyone because even if that person is looking for his own benefit, he is still doing good work. Whatever the excuse, if that person is helping a needy person, then what is wrong in it?
It is very strange that we make up our minds beforehand and when things don't turn out as per our wish, we feel so sorry. Like what happened with you about the dinner set, I often see that people buy something and when something turns out to be defective, they leave their homes with a fight in their minds. They keep thinking about how they will reply to him and how they will start an argument. But if the shopkeeper exchanges the goods with utmost honesty, then he must feel very strange at that time that he was thinking so wrong. This thing is awkward in others. However, I believe that if someone has cheated you and is refusing to give you the goods, then someday karma will definitely take its toll on him. We don't need to do anything, the one who has done wrong definitely gets the result of his deeds.
Is the help helping the needy person? In the case of street beggars who are begging as a profession, it's a different debate. Generally, you are right.
I am a believer in karma too.
Strong statement. hmmmm
Mistrust is harmful and I can see the negative impact of it. It's the reason for what a good relationship can be broken. The example of the brothers you mentioned is enough to prove how destructive power mistrust is.
Your single line is enough to describe the mistrust and it's like slow poisoning.
!PIZZA
Thanks for your appreciation.
The example is of brothers who r neighbors in our heritage land. They are not closely related to us. I sometimes ignore filler information in post to keep my message clear.
This is so nice thanks for sharing
You're welcome!
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