Parenting To Be Parented, A Wrong Mindset
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It is commonly said, "Children are gifts from the creator." When they are groomed well, they become a blessing and when they are not, they become the opposite.
Every parent has reasons for giving birth and raising their children a certain way. To some, it's with the hope that one day the children will be there to support them when their (parents) strengths are gone, to others it is so that they can have who will replace them when they are no more, and many other reasons.
Children are just like seeds planted in a garden, if you nurture them well, there is no way that you won't benefit from the fruit they will yield. There's a popular saying "Where you work, is where you will eat," which also applies to raising children.
I am not yet a father but I know little of what my parents went through to raise me and my siblings. Raising children is not an easy task at all but the good part of it is, after all the labor someday, the children may end up becoming something great and when they do, I don't think they will ever forget the hands that fed them.
As to the question concerning parents making it a law for their children to look after them when they are old regardless of the child's financial capabilities, I think it's not right.
No parents should make it a law for their child/children to compulsorily look after them when they are old. It's for the good of both the parent and the child because both of them would be affected negatively if things don't turn out as expected. The child would feel pressured and the parent would feel cheated.
I believe that no responsible child will even neglect his parents no matter his financial status but making it a responsibility for the child simply because you trained him or her is wrong.
Even in the farm, it's not all plants that yield, even those that yield, it's in levels. As a parent you have your own life to live and your children also have theirs to live. You have your problems as parents, the children also have theirs.
Expecting the child to carry his problems and yours along is murder, you will frustrate the life of the child. This is why I hate it when I hear parents say, "This child is my investment." What do you mean? So what happens if he or she doesn't bring returns in the end?
If you are training your child, do it out of love and with the mindset of making life better for him to cope with and not for a selfish interest.
I have seen parents who pressure their children to support them to the extent of making them engage in evil acts to achieve their desires. Some children who couldn't bear the pressure became depressed.
As parents, you have your life and I believe you have lived it, let your children enjoy theirs too, and don't be a burden to them. Some of them have families, and they have their bills to settle too, expecting them to solve your problem without minding what's in their pockets will make the load too heavy for them, and trust me, it could break them down.
The truth is every child has that desire to support their parents. You don't necessarily need to bother the child, when he or she is established they will surely help you without you asking or pressuring them.
I know some children won't help no matter how wealthy they are, and for such keep praying for them and let them be, God will make a way for you as the parents, trust me, you won't starve.
This is part of the reason why I advise parents to always get something to do or invest in something that will keep bringing money to them after they are retired, this will help them not to be dependent on their children.
So much dependence on children can make a child lose focus and not plan his or her life when they should.
Ideally, even if it's an outsider who does good for you, you ought to be good in return. Talk more of parents, they deserve to be looked after by us when we are established, anyone who neglects his or her parents when he has what it takes to help them is wicked.
Even if you don't have much, from the little you have, you ought to support your parents. The only concern I have is parents should not put hope in that direction, it's what results in them pressuring their children subsequently. Allow your children to settle first and I am sure, the help you want will come seamlessly.
I completely agree with you on the perspective on parenting my boss.
It's so important to recognize that children are individuals with their own paths to follow, and not expect them to bear the burden of parents expectations or financial needs.
By raising a child with love, support, and guidance, parents can help them grow into capable and compassionate adults who will naturally want to help them in times of need.
The analogy of plants yielding fruit at different levels is so fitting.
Every child is unique and will flourish in their own way.
Thank you for sharing this article with us man.
It's nice seeing you around broh. I can't agree less with what you said. Every child has his/her personal issues to deal with in life. It doesn't sound nice for parents to expect them to carry their burdens along when they are not yet ready.
I believe that no child will neglect his/her parents when they are doing well. If we can assist outsiders, much more shall we do for our parents
Thanks for stopping by, and for the beautiful comment
I agreed with your point raising children out of love and not for selfish interests. It is a wrong mindset of parenting in order to be parented in their old age.
It should not be a law for parents to depend on children to support them at their old age, sometimes it can complicate things, nevertheless, the children too should not forget the kindness their parents showed them.
It should not be a law for parents to depend on children to support them at their old age, sometimes it can complicate things, nevertheless, the children too should not forget the kindness their parents showed them.
Unfortunately welcome to our world especially Nigeria where parents sees their children as an investment. but still it is only an immature child that won't support his or her parents at old age.
Hehehe, I am telling you, children are not investments, having that kind of mindset, might end up making things worst.
And you are right, only a foolish and an ungrateful child will forget his parents at their old age
When children feel pressured by their parents that they must take care of them, they run away from them. I think when children grow up, they know they have to take care of their ageing parents and not one being entitled to their care. Of course, no child in his right senses wouldn't do their best to repay their parents back especially ones whose parents had taken care of in the best way and given them good upbringing. To the children, it is their way of appreciating their parents' efforts on them while the bad parents would reap their reward when children neglect them.
That is it ma, no reasonable child will turn his back at his parents. Every child knows that someday his/her parents will go out of strength and will need his/her support but parents should not make it look like a mandate. When the time is ripe, support will come even if it's not from your children, just live right and do well.
Exactly. That is the truth. Help will always come when parents does the right thing in their time.
We have many wicked kids out there who totally neglected their parents at their critical time of need. I have seen a situation whereby an old woman died as a result of lack of food and care but guess what. Cows were killed to celebrate her burial.
To me ageing parents have the right of being taken care of over their children. Some of them could not invest anything for their old age because they spent everything in the training of the children. For as much as possible, a child should take care of his parents whether they demand for it or not.
Hmm, you are very right sir, but it's still very dangerous to put all our eggs in one basket. I know that for people, after sponsoring their children they may be left with nothing to plan their lives, it's so pathetic though.
I believe that any child who repays his parents kindness with wickedness is cursed already. I mean, of what good is my money and wealth if my parents can't benefit from it?
I agree to the point that parents shouldn't bring up their kids with the mentality of getting returns in their old age. Nevertheless, children should also be not ignorant of their responsibilities of taking care of their parents.
You are very right ma, it is not a law but children must never forget their parents kindness, their wellbeing should be our concern as well.
Thanks so much for the support ma
Exactly. Whom are the parents supposed to turn to during their age of dependence if not to their kids
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Thank you 🥰
It's indeed not idea for parents not to see their children as investments, if it were that easy, they themselves ought to have been same to their parents and amaze wealth.
But then even though it's not stated anywhere as a law, yet the affection would always come up with the need to cater for our ageing parents, even to total strangers we do this, how much more our own parents.
Exactly sir, it's not right for parents to put their hopes completely in their children for support at old age. It is very dangerous.
You are right, if we help outsiders, how much more our own parents. Only am evil child will turn his back at his parents when they needed him the most
It's true that sometimes over expectation on the children make then vulnerable and feeling pressured.
Thnaks for your post.
That is the point sir, I hope parents understand this. Though children too should always remember their parents even with the little they have without waiting for them to ask first.
Thanks for stopping by🥰