The fear that makes you move in your life.

in Hive Learners15 days ago


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Getting out of my comfort zone was always a challenge for me. I am a guy who thinks a lot about the consequences of my actions all the time. And many times during my life I had to make moves that were a bit audacious for me. Making moves that made some changes in my life was always something challenging. I can thank my wife for the multiple pushes that she gave me during my life that made me jump from cliffs. But fear is a feeling that made me cautious during all these moments. It is something that I feel that makes me freeze and be scared.



I started dating my wife in 2007. At that time I was in a very turbulent time in my career. I ended my bachelor's degree but was a bit unsure where to go. I knew that I wanted to continue an academic career but it was difficult to get a research area that would match with me. We got engaged, but she was the one to say that it was time to get married. In 2011 I was starting my Master’s degree finally and I couldn’t see myself maintaining a house on my own. At the time I was living with my parents and the salary of a master's student was terrible. At that time it was less than 300 USD. But she was a very determined person and said that we were already engaged for too long and needed the next step. And we could face the challenges together as a couple. Well, I was diving into my fears and accepted the challenge. At the same period, I got a second job as a teacher that was going to help us a lot. But I freaked out during that time.

We got married in 2012 but in 2016 another challenge. At that time I was a PhD student, a better salary than before but still not much. My wife again told me that it was time to get a child. I also was afraid of this new challenge. We were barely paying our bills for two people, would we be able to maintain another being in our house? It was another time that when I was already stabilizing in my life another change was supposed to come. Well, I accepted again the challenge and here we went to have our first child. I was finishing my thesis when we had our daughter and also planning my postdoc abroad. Many changes in my life happening at once for a guy that hates changes.

I was ending my Ph.D and my wife just had our daughter. And finally, I got a job offer in Canada. We had a short period to make all the arrangements for our move, selling everything and other stuff while raising a baby younger than 6 months old and trying to present my thesis. I was also very afraid of everything. I wanted to give up on everything. I just wanted to have my old spot where I could live my regular life, but again my wife just pushed me to keep going.



Fighting all the fears that I faced in each step of my life didn’t make me stronger. It was just a move in my life that perhaps made me get more experience. All these steps made me progress and probably the new life that I am in now happened thanks to these moves. So this morning I was trying to push my daughter to go to a water slide in a swimming pool to help her surpass her fears, Of course, I didn’t push her physically but tried my best to give her a moral push, well this time it didn’t work maybe next time?


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Sair da minha zona de conforto sempre foi um desafio para mim. Sou alguém que pensa muito nas consequências das minhas ações o tempo todo. E muitas vezes durante minha vida tive que tomar decisões que eram um pouco audaciosas para mim. Tomar decisões que causaram algumas mudanças na minha vida sempre foi algo desafiador. Posso agradecer à minha esposa pelos múltiplos incentivos que ela me deu durante minha vida, que me fizeram pular de penhascos. Mas o medo é um sentimento que me deixou cauteloso durante todos esses momentos. É algo que sinto que me paralisa e me assusta.



Comecei a namorar minha esposa em 2007. Naquela época, eu estava em um momento muito turbulento na minha carreira. Terminei minha graduação, mas estava um pouco inseguro sobre o que fazer em seguida. Eu sabia que queria seguir uma carreira acadêmica, mas era difícil encontrar uma área de pesquisa que combinasse comigo. Ficamos noivos, mas ela foi quem disse que era hora de nos casarmos. Em 2011, finalmente estava começando meu mestrado e não conseguia me imaginar mantendo uma casa sozinho. Na época, eu morava com meus pais e o salário de um estudante de mestrado era terrível. Naquela época, era menos de 300 dólares. Mas ela era uma pessoa muito determinada e disse que já estávamos noivos há tempo demais e precisávamos dar o próximo passo. E poderíamos enfrentar os desafios juntos como um casal. Bem, mergulhei nos meus medos e aceitei o desafio. No mesmo período, consegui um segundo emprego como professor, o que iria nos ajudar muito. Mas fiquei apavorado durante esse tempo.

Nos casamos em 2012, mas em 2016 outro desafio. Naquela época, eu era estudante de doutorado, com um salário melhor do que antes, mas ainda não muito. Minha esposa novamente me disse que era hora de ter um filho. Eu também estava com medo desse novo desafio. Mal conseguíamos pagar nossas contas para duas pessoas, seríamos capazes de sustentar mais alguém em nossa casa? Foi outra vez em que, quando eu estava me estabilizando na minha vida, outra mudança deveria acontecer. Bem, aceitei novamente o desafio e lá fomos nós ter nosso primeiro filho. Eu estava terminando minha tese quando tivemos nossa filha e também planejando meu pós-doutorado no exterior. Muitas mudanças na minha vida acontecendo ao mesmo tempo para um cara que odeia mudanças.

Eu estava terminando meu doutorado e minha esposa acabara de ter nossa filha. E finalmente, recebi uma oferta de emprego no Canadá. Tivemos um curto período para fazer todos os preparativos para nossa mudança, vender tudo e outras coisas enquanto cuidávamos de um bebê com menos de 6 meses de idade e tentávamos apresentar minha tese. Também estava com muito medo de tudo. Eu queria desistir de tudo. Só queria ter meu lugar antigo onde pudesse viver minha vida normal, mas novamente minha esposa apenas me incentivou a continuar.



Lutar contra todos os medos que enfrentei a cada passo da minha vida não me tornou mais forte. Foi apenas uma jogada na minha vida que talvez tenha me dado mais experiência. Todos esses passos me fizeram progredir e provavelmente a nova vida em que estou agora aconteceu graças a essas mudanças. Então, esta manhã, estava tentando incentivar minha filha a ir para um tobogã aquático em uma piscina para ajudá-la a superar seus medos. Claro, não a forcei fisicamente, mas fiz o meu melhor para dar-lhe um empurrão moral, bem, desta vez não funcionou, talvez na próxima?


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 15 days ago  

O medo as vezes nos faz perder coisas boas, por isso é importante ter os momentos de coragem e apenas ir, apenas acreditar que tudo vai dar certo. Sua esposa foi incrível nessa situação, te ajudando em tudo, parabéns mano, fico feliz por vocês!

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 15 days ago  

Principalmente com decisões pessoais … hehhe bem complicado!!

 15 days ago  

Pois é, eu tenho medo de muitas coisas kkk, mas ate que ultimamente estou mais corajoso com as coisas do que antigamente

 15 days ago  

It is okay to say your wife deserves lots of accolades. When I was reading through your post I saw how you made reference to your wife pushing you to greater height and that is great!!

 15 days ago  

Yeah, I am always stuck in fear and she helps me :)

 15 days ago  

Kudos to your wife, she did a great job because she knew that you had more potentials to offer and you really needed that push from her.

 15 days ago  

We overthink a lot sometimes and we need someone to help with that!

 15 days ago  

That’s true!

 15 days ago  

Your wife pushed you many times in life and you became successful in life. The way my parents pushed me and I got success

 15 days ago  

I didn’t had much help from my parents! You were lucky :)

 15 days ago  

the wife that makes you move in your life :P. do you fear your wife haha jk jk. ANyways she did a great job at pushing you to be better. It's hard but fear is the only thing holding us back most of the time. The fear of uncertainty but when faced with the situation in most cases any human will do their best to survive in it. Ideally there will be people there with us along the way and for you your wife has done great at helping you achieve more and truly experience the uncertainty in our lives O.O. ok not sure if I get what I'm saying but hopefully you understood it lol

 15 days ago  

Hahha totally understood! Changes always bring fear in my life hhehehe

 15 days ago  

ty!

 15 days ago  

eh engage bot buggy. ya well its time to change o.o pretty sure writing on hive your first time was scary too u can do it man

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 15 days ago  

Não existe dúvidas que sua esposa quer te tirar da zona de conforto haha. História legal cara, olha só para onde você está hoje, se o medo tivesse te controlado, nada disso teria acontecido.

 15 days ago  

O medo de mudança é realmente foda. Às vezes perdemos boas oportunidades por isso.

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