I have always thought that silence only means lack of words but there are cases when this is a screaming message even when the person isn't speaking, even sometimes ghosting is more painful than hurtful words said especially when you don't want the person to hold your words for it.
I never imagined that I would ever do it but life has a way of getting us into a corner where we have no words to say and all we can do is to just go away. The first time I can remember well was when I ghosted a friend at first it was unintentional but it just happened gradually.
Bolu was a friend I had in my early days in the university. We were very close friends, we talked almost everyday, we shared our secrets and we were there to lean on each other in rough moments. The kind of person she was is that she can call me by 2am just to complain about a lecturer, or laugh at a dumb meme and I would pick up. Initially, I found the proximity pleasant, it felt good to be needed. However with time, the friendship began to weigh me down, she was too much in need of my attention and she wanted it on her beck and call. Anytime, I fail to answer her calls, she would send long messages as to whether I was loyal or not. Anytime I also try attending to other friends, she would accuse me of substituting her. I began to feel trapped, it was like I signed a contract with her without me knowing and it was really exhausting for me.
Whenever I tried to explain to her that I require space too or I need to be busy with my life sometimes, she would apologize in the beginning but afterwards repeat the similar act. At a point, I knew that I was sulking in my world because there was no end to the apologies and demands so I was exhausted.
One day, I just ceased to reply to her messages without explaining anymore. I initially said to myself it was a temporary thing that I would not take her calls the next week or maybe two weeks later in order to have my peace but weeks turned into months. Our messages changed to "Are you okay" and then "I'm fine thank you". The friendship did not end with a fight instead the friendship was terminated by my refusal to carry on.
That was my experience with ghosting someone but then why do I have to ghost rather than end the friendship to her face. I simply do not want to become the bad one, who breaks friendship straight, I had already said everything I could say but it seems pointless every time I do, so it was more convenient to ghost since it made a natural conclusion that was not confrontational.
Ghosting however, does not always work that way though, several years later I was also ghosted, you can call it "Karma"😂. I met a guy on a beautiful occasion and we shared contacts, at first I only saw him as a friend but we kept chatting for months and I started developing feelings thinking we were something serious.
However one day, I stopped getting his calls out of the blues, my messages went unanswered. Then I thought that maybe he was sick, but after I saw him posting on his social media in good spirits and after a month of silence everything became clear to me, my people I was ghosted 🥲. It was sore in a way that I can't describe because I didn't even know if I did something wrong or not. Sometimes, I would revisit our last conversations with the hope of getting some clue. I actually got the taste of what it means to be ghosted.
Sometimes, silence is not the most appropriate thing. You might do it to someone and don't feel Jack about It but how will you feel if the same thing is done to you?
Ghosting can help you to leave a relationship where your words might be misinterpreted or not taken serious but at the same time it can also damage a heart, leaving it with so many self doubt questions.
So I think instead of ghosting and leaving the other person in silence, just communicate your hurts in an amicable way and either repair or forfeit the relationship with mutual agreement.
Thank you so much for staying this far, hope you had a good read with me, see you again next time 😁.
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With your friend bolu, you had no choice but to set boundaries, if you hadn't you would have sacrificed a lot more in the relationship. Yeah ghosting sometimes hurt but there are times people don't have a choice but to do so.
But I think proper communication would have been better
Sometimes it we just do what we have to do for our own peace of mind.
Thank you so much pandex