I've always wanted to sit down and write about this. Well, I kinda did in my journal and some mental notes on the side. Just want to put it out here because who knows, it might be useful.
Three-year itch: Is it even real?
When I got into my first real romantic relationship in late 2019, I knew it wasn't going to be easy but never did I expect that there was a high chance I'd lose control of things one day. And that day came sooner than I expected.
Personally, I don't believe in the three-year itch until one day I woke up telling myself how come arguments and tensions seemed to surface one after the other since this year started. Unarguably, it has been a tough year for me and for us. To see is to believe! 😔
They say that during the third year of a romantic relationship things will start to rumble from beneath the surface and things will either start to fall apart or stick together even more. It's one or the other; sadly, there's no such thing as in between here.
Stay with me as I narrate my side of our three-year itch journey.
Is it too late to back out? 🤔
Apparently, despite getting to know each other for quite a long period of time before we finally became official, I missed checking a few non-negotiables and turned out, there are things that we just don't agree on, and honestly, I don't think we'll ever agree on these things ever. The hardest part was to decide if we badly want to keep our relationship which means finding workarounds and living with those workarounds even if they weren't what you hoped for and even if they weren't easy at the onset.
To illustrate, I don't drink (well, I do but just a bottle and that's it!). Perhaps, I will never understand why people drink and why people drink more than they can handle at times. It makes me sick to look at people who vomit everywhere and do scandalous things when they're drunk. No offense, but it just doesn't look cool in my eyes.
Differences in upbringing, culture, personal experiences, etc.
There are two things I can attribute to how my view about drinking developed: (1) I grew up in a household where drinking was condemned. I was told by my mother that nothing good can come out of a relationship with an inebriated man or friends for that matter. My parents warned me to marry a good man and being a drunkard was never on the list of qualifications. (2) In college, my friends were the nicest, most obedient, and most hardworking kids in town all we ever did was eat and study.😂 If you know what I mean; I was just never exposed to the world of drinking and have no plans of being exposed to it. But hey, Pat I thought you mentioned you partied in your previous post. That was me sugarcoating! I ate and danced and laughed and sang most of the time, and could barely drink 150 mL of the Mojitos allocated for me. LOL! 🤣
I was too embarassed to mention this but during our Hive Meet-up with @asasiklause @sassy.cebuana @explorewithsasha and everyone else, I had to rush to Abaca and buy myself water. I couldn't breathe after sipping from the liquor @asasiklause bought for us. Had fun tho! 🤣😂
Going back...but my boyfriend and his friends love to drink; I heard countless stories from him that it was part of their college life and consequently, life after college. Just to be clear, I have nothing against people who drink. I still adore my boyfriend even if he drinks. I have nothing against my boyfriend drinking with his friends either. I don't intend to change any of it for if that's the case, might as well look for another boyfriend who doesn't drink in the first place. Well, that's the thing, if you want to skip all the disagreements, you gotta be picky right from the start! Well, he charmed me! 🥰
The tipping point
The tension started when he owned a scooter and drove it around the city. My boyfriend loves spontaneity; in fact, if friends ask him out last minute and he has nothing more important to do, he'd surely show up.
On a few occasions, if he tells me he'll be out drinking with friends, I won't be able to sleep or end up waking up in the wee hours worrying about if he made it home in one piece and alive. I'd frantically look at my phone expecting calls from a nearby hospital reporting an accident or something like that. I'll be awake until I get a text from him that he's home and he's okay. And most of the time, I don't get to sleep again. There was one time when he never texted if he was home already and his mother was already looking for him early in the morning. After calling him 20 consecutive times and not a single response, I felt my spirit come out of my body. I was preparing myself for the worst. It can't be helped; you just naturally worry for the people you care about. But on the contrary, I asked myself: "Am I willing to go through all these every time he's out drinking?"
Now don't get me wrong, this doesn't happen every day. Once or twice a month except in December when it becomes a common occurrence. But really, "Is this man worth the trouble I'm getting myself into?", I asked.
And that was the turning point.
Communicate, communicate, communicate!
That's when I started opening up my anxious thoughts to him. Most of the time, I brushed off my worries and never told him how much it bothered me. We went in circles for a couple of weeks trying to find the middle ground. There was even a point both of us couldn't understand where each of us was coming from. I couldn't understand why is there a need to drink most of the time when he's with friends and he couldn't understand why I worry too much.
From a simple "I care for your safety!" to "Live your life however you want to live it. I don't care if you die!" I hope you felt the rage from reading the last sentence; you're supposed to feel it just so you know how bad it went.
Well, I had to reiterate my point of concern. It wasn't the drinking and going out with friends and having fun until dawn. It was driving during and after all the drinking and partying. During one of our conversations, I told him that I am not willing to go through this shit my entire life especially when I get married. I don't want to be awakened by my child's crying and a missing husband out drinking somewhere. If this persists without significant change, by all means, we've reached our destination and unfortunately, it's not happily ever after.
The mandate was plain and simple: Don't drink and drive. You can drink all you wherever you want with whomever you want to drink with, just don't drive. That's it! I even told him once that if ever he gets into a road accident because he chooses to drink and drive, I won't visit him in the hospital. Ginusto mo yan! 🙄
You gotta compromise!
You see, I can be the bitch girlfriend and give him marching orders to never drink because I personally don't think it's good. But I don't subject him to my beliefs; relationships aren't meant to work that way. Again, I don't think we'll ever agree on this but through trial and error, we established our middle ground and to me that's everything. For him that's getting his life through socializing with friends and for me, that's ensuring his safety as much as possible without unnecessary stress. It's a win-win!
And just a couple of days ago, I received a text from him saying he went home to park his motorcycle and he went back to his friends without it because they were partying that night. I smiled reading it and for a moment, I thought "We did great!" Before, I doubted we'll ever get through the difficult stage. I remember how he despised the idea of going home and leaving his motorcycle and going back to the party or event. I get it; it's inconvenient! But seeing how he's been doing it despite that fact assures me that I'm with the right person and despite all the differences that will surface in the months and years to come, we'll nail it via Trial and Error. Lol! 😎
In relationships, there's no such thing as perfect but as long as both of you are willing to compromise, to put in the extra effort, you're on the right track. 🤗
Living life intentionally every single day, she believes that there’s no limit to one’s potential. Right now, she’s on the loose for the pursuit of endless holistic self-growth and development. She wants to light the way for others. She believes there’s no better way to leave a legacy than to pay it forward.
Her ultimate goal in life is to reach the state of enlightenment where there’s nothing but peace, love, happiness, and contentment - nothing more, nothing less.
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We should not be drinking next time 🤭
Let's eat out next year hehe 🥰☺️😘
Okay rato @explorewithsasha. Magdala-dala rakoy tubig hahaha Merry Christmas! 😘
Merry Christmas as well @patsitivity and to your family. 😘🥰
lol, assuming kaau ko. I thought I was tagged because of the 3 year itch! hahahaha.
good for you both for knowing to compromise. In some ways I can relate as a girlfriend and as a boyfriend if you know what I mean! Great read Pat!
Hooooy, okay rana 3-yr itch @asasiklause. Naa ra gyud nay for you nga dili na mubiya bisan unsa pana nga itch diha hahaha
Asa naman atong tapok? hehe
hahahaha. assuming much!
quite busy pa jd ko going back and forth here Cebu and negros. huhuhu. when kaya?
Dear @patsitivity,
Your support for the current HiveBuzz proposal (#199) is much appreciated but it will expire end of December!
May we ask you to review the new proposal (#248) and renew your support so that our team can continue their work next years?
You can support the new proposal on Peakd, Ecency, or using HiveSigner.
https://peakd.com/proposals/248
We wish you a Happy New Year!
Already did @hivebuzz! 😎
Thank you for your support @patsitivity, much appreciated! 🤗
Without imposing and as we are in a renewal period for proposals, if you could take a look at the HiveSQL Proposal Renewal as well 😁
Apologies, it took time! Already did @arcange. Grateful for what you and everyone else do to make Hive awesome beyond compare! 👏👏👏
Thank you @patsitivity ❤️
I wish you all the best for 2023! Have a Happy New Year ✨🥂✨
Welcome to the community! Happy New Year!