We all experience loss differently. You haven't lost him. The best parts of him, those vivid memories, are with you. He's with you.
I think I'm more morbid. The ones I've lost are with me like an ache. I can't tell people because it's time to move on, but these are like shadows in my life. Truly a loss. My mother, my brother, my sister. I'm not depressed, although it sounds like that, but I'll never be happy without restraint again.
A cousin told me when I was a little bit of a child that I was far too serious. I think that may be true :))
Everyone grieves and holds on as they need to. Losing all those loved ones, I can imagine... I imagine Mum going, as she will, and feel the void. No one can tell you when it's time to let go and maybe holding on is exactly what YOU need. Oof, I feel sad FOR you, for us, the world. But .. but .. you are intelligent and well read enough to know we all must die. No need for depression, but it's human to feel it. I feel I bang on about Dad a lot on Hive but it helps me honour him and grapple with the big questions - or at least, remind myself of the answers.
As I write this, in the bath, the kookaburras are having their mad giggle chicken moment. They are in on the big cosmic joke perhaps. Sending you unserious revelerie over the sea. It may be checked for social media for the last five years as it lands on your soil though.
Hello my friend,
I think perhaps my perspective on those who have passed may be in part due to my upbringing. Every night my mother would pray with us for those who were no longer with us. She was Sicilian (descendant of immigrants), and in her tradition the dead are always with us, always remembered. Maybe I'm overthinking it :) You can't reason with the heart.
As for joy...my granddaughter is home for Christmas. I've bought so many lights for the front of the house that it looks like something out of Times Square. I think sometimes of the Jewish toast, l'chaim: those who have gone are always with me, and yet I turn my face to life. It is what we have and we should enjoy it.
You are so kind, so bright. It's a pleasure to read you. And this, "It may be checked for social media for the last five years as it lands on your soil though" gave me a really solid chuckle.
What can we do in face of it all, but smile.
Have the most wonderful holiday season and may only good memories stay with you.
How bloody great are grandchildren! I only have one and that'll be the one and only but oh! My heart lights up like your Christmas house when I see him. Enjoy your Christmas!
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