Sometimes I wish I could say "rest no more" and come back to me. You just left me without a word. You didn't say if you would come back or not. You didn't say if I wait for you.
Mom, sometimes I feel like I did something wrong that made you go away from me. You couldn't wait for me to get to know you. You didn't wait for me to call you mom. I can't even recognize you if ever return because I couldn't get used to your face before you left.
When I see what other children receive from their moms, I get jealous and feel sad because I didn't get to enjoy all of that from you... No kisses... No hugs... No happiness together... No sadness together... Nothing at all.
I remember when I was bullied in school,I wished you were there to pay attention to me and gave me the strength to fight back but you were no where to be found. When I got admission,I wanted to share the good news with you but you weren't there.
When it was time for my "flow", I was in pain..I needed you around,I needed you to take care of me but you weren't there. When I was told and mocked that I was too be big for my level in school,I wanted to hear those comforting words that would give me strength from you but weren't there.
When I needed financial advice on how to go about saving the little I have,I looked for you and wished you could show up but you didn't.
Was it really necessary to go so soon? Were you really in a hurry to let go? Did I trouble you that much? These are the questions I ask whenever I look at the one picture I have left of you. Many questions but no answers to them.
Sometimes I feel like crying but I don't feel tears rolling down. That's because your absence made me more mature and stronger than I'm supposed to. The tears refuse to roll down because there's no one to dry them for me.
Some say you caused your death because you were stubborn but I refuse to believe that. No mother wants to go to the cold hands of death leaving the children behind no matter the situation.
There are so many things I didn't get to do and enjoy in my childhood because you weren't there. It really makes me feel I could say "rest no more" and come back to me. But if wishes were horses....