Freewrite: Narcissist's Terror Barrier

in Freewriterslast month

A wave of inspiration came down on me like a massive wave. There are many things going through my mind, so I don't know which one to talk about first. Perhaps, I should start from the subconscious goal of every narcissist and go backward. Their behavior is a self-validation process, which most likely stems from the lack of self-esteem 'caused by feelings of unworthiness or words (affirmations) their minds absorbed during childhood.

To fix that feeling of lack, they must create a picture of being important, crucial, infallible, or, in other words, they must establish dominance over other people, which are most often children or spouses.

Well, I mentioned in several articles that silence is like a knife that cuts the invisible string between people, or should I say their minds. The nature of narcissists consists of the defense mechanism that protects that "string", 'cause without it, their dominance can't be maintained, nor can they remain in the center of attention. In their eyes, everything either is or must become about them.

To drive them crazy, one must remain silent instead of falling for a bait that I'd like to talk about. Keep in mind that I'm not suggesting being impolite or lowkey aggressive, rather, I recommend self-defense in order to remain healthy and happy, 'cause it's almost impossible to be happy and/or maintain mental wellbeing when living with a narcissist.

I find their reactions peculiar. Consciously, they have no idea what's going on when their target responds with silence, but their subconscious minds know it very well, which is why they begin reacting emotionally (the subconscious mind is the emotional mind). For a few days, it will seem like they have no problem with your silence and/or decision to ignore them, but then, when you approach the critical point, they'll try to put you back into place with the so-called "terror barrier". At first, they might begin asking you questions that you must answer one way or another (to re-establish the connection between minds by starting a conversation). If, however, you find a way out of that and respond without saying a word, they'll hit you with anger or impolite adjectives. For instance, they might begin commenting on your intelligence and try to trigger you into speaking.

That's exactly what happened to me. I know my IQ and capabilities. There's no need for anyone to tell me whether or not I'm intelligent 'cause I have results, black on white. Yet, a family member that usually was using me as a trash can for her emotions tried to trick me into speaking (by commenting on my intelligence), after 2 weeks of silence in between us. In fact, that turned on the light bulb above my head and made me realize that's the thing to be shared!

Fortunately, I didn't fall for her traps, which infuriated her. At the moment, she's fuming around the house, arguing with herself. That's what happens when you refuse to participate in games of narcissists. If they can't eat you up, they'll begin eating themselves up.

If, however, you stumble, and fall for "deceits of ghouls", don't be harsh towards yourself. You need to go through a learning process, and gain experience! That is all! Being naive and/or inexperienced is not a sin. Usually, warmhearted people are naive, 'cause they believe other people have no evil intentions.

Just return into the silent mode, quickly, and start reminding yourself on a daily basis that speech is powerful. DO NOT RE-ESTABLISH COMMUNICATION, NO MATTER WHAT THEY ASK, OR WHAT THEY SAY!

There is a song by Ac/Dc, called "It's a long way to the top if you want to rock n roll". The sooner you begin walking, the sooner you'll reach the finish line... Remember, do it to protect yourself, not to cause harm to others!

Here is a video that contains powerful quotes by Rumi. Those can remind you of your value. That's important, 'cause narcissists often make us look worthless and evil in our own eyes:

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This was quite an interesting post. I am familiar with the type of people you mentioned. Sometimes, they'd do everything except straight up ask for what they want, it is pathological. I am glad you moved on from that, it can be tough and long to do so.

"I am familiar with the type of people you mentioned." may I know how did you handle the situation? Maybe the exchange of ideas and solutions will help readers who have found themselves in this kind of situation for the first time.

"Sometimes, they'd do everything except straight up ask for what they want, it is pathological." Yes, I noticed that. When they get asked, "What do you want?"/"What is wrong?", they answer "NOTHING!" and expect us to know what's on their minds.

Thank you for the support! I hope you solved your situation peacefully and successfully! Have a splendid day!

may I know how did you handle the situation?

It sounds stupid and cliche, but that's often the case for situations like this when you realize you're simply okay without them.

I know the following will sound stupid but I am a movies/TV aficionado it will help me explain how I feel. For years I followed the TV shows of this Iraqi actor named Qassim al-Mallak. His work always had so much potential but he never seemed to get it right. I always thought "This year's show is going to be better" but it never was. It is not the same in terms of difficulty, but eventually, I just realized there was nothing special about him, just my projection and what I thought he is.

With friends and family members that seems the case, we see good and such great potential in them that we stay in denial and treat their actions as temporary, even though that's who they are or the parts they want to be. We even tend to believe it is our fault for bringing that in them and that we should do better. The fact is, we don't have to do anything, we're not the ones making the relationship difficult.

Qassim al-Mallak can go on to make as many shitty shows as he wants, and that person can continue to be as manipulative as they want, that's their derogative. It is like trying to protect someone from drowning but they keep slapping your hand, you either let go or drown yourself.

If they answer "Nothing", it is not your job to investigate further. You can't work harder than them to fix their problem. My situation sadly wasn't resolved peacefully, but ever since I have avoided plenty of situations like it. You're going to meet a lot of people like that because of the sad fact that they're good at it. Just recognize the pattern as you go.

"With friends and family members that seems the case, we see good and such great potential in them that we stay in denial and treat their actions as temporary, even though that's who they are or the parts they want to be. We even tend to believe it is our fault for bringing that in them and that we should do better. The fact is, we don't have to do anything, we're not the ones making the relationship difficult.

Qassim al-Mallak can go on to make as many shitty shows as he wants, and that person can continue to be as manipulative as they want, that's their derogative. It is like trying to protect someone from drowning but they keep slapping your hand, you either let go or drown yourself." this is one of the most brilliant comparisons I've ever read! Your way of thinking is fascinating! Thanks for enriching my morning with genuine wisdom! I'll definitely remember it!

Thank you for making your post a great space to share them. BTW, your site is bookmarked on my computer. Beautifully laid out.

Wow, your text was one of the best I've read so far. I identified a lot with him. I have narcissistic traits and I've been passive/aggressive, I'm not proud to make this statement, but I'm aware of my faults and I recently started follow-up with a psychologist. Silence is really cruel for us narcissists and also for those who have self-esteem issues. I await with satisfaction your next texts.

"I have narcissistic traits and I've been passive/aggressive" 0.0001% of narcissists would say something like that about themselves. Are you sure that you're a narcissist instead of being a victim of someone's narcissism? Honestly, it doesn't seem like there's anything wrong with you. I may be wrong, though.