I seem to be a wise old(er) women at times, lending an ear and some pithy advice to younger women in the beach carpark who for some reason offload to me.
Jas, I haven't seen for months. She's a new teacher and drives a silver van and a white board. She's tugging on her rubber as I struggle in with mine - I'm in abject pain and have only just survived an hour in the water, painfully, tearfully, sick of my nervous system betraying me and my muscles protesting. Two years ago I was a better surfer than Jas. Now, I can barely hobble.
She's in her head too today, she says, code for struggle town. What's up, I ask. She's been not-invited to a girl colleague camp out. She didn't want to go and is hurt to not be included at same time. She feels alone. Left out. On the outside. I get it. That's my story, my whole life. I get it, I say. There's nothing wrong with you. We just don't always fit.
I'm feeling alone too. I feel so alone that I don't make eye contact in the water lest I have to talk to anyone. How contrary. There's this protective forcefield that slides down like a metal shutter when one feels vulnerable. Not a fuck you, just a fuck this.
Perhaps we choose surfing so we don't have to play team sports. It's far safer. Less guessing where the ball will land and whether you'll fuck up the volley back.
I message her later, ignoring my own advice. We aren't friends, she's twenty years too young. I'm just an old mermaid in the carpark. I tell her she is beautiful and not to feel bad. We all just want to be loved and seen. To be missed. Included. Thought about.
I go home and Jamie is still out. It's nice to be alone. I wish someone would call by.
With Love,
I'm truly sorry for where you are right now, my dear. There's nothing worse than feeling like your body's giving up on you. But what courage and strength and just fucking grit to not take that lying down, and persevere. I know that doesn't change the pain an ounce, but it's also worth not overlooking, you know.
Why is friendship impossible? Is it because, presumably, activities, concerns, and so much of life is in different stages? I'm genuinely curious.
Wisdom and pithy, salty advice. Things to aspire to, for me. So perhaps congratulations are in order. I don't believe age is a guarantee for either of these, so you must've done some things right.
Perhaps twenty years too young, but from one aspiring to someday salt, I'd love to stop by. <3
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Sorry the reply took so long. To be fair, I just wasn't in the mood.
I don't know why friendship is hard. I think it's just me, being an outsider. I've been one my whole life. And things just keep confirming it. I don't conform, perhaps, to usual ideas of what a friend should be, or perhaps I haven't been around for all that time where long time friendships were forming.
And yes, I'd love to meet you one day. Perhaps next year, who knows.
Yeah, I get that. I'm perfectly happy here on the farm. People are in and out a lot. But there are days when no one is here and it's delicious to have the house to myself. But I wish some one would telephone, or stop in at times too...
I wish I could call past to see you xx
One of my Hive friends here asked me to keep joining contests so that my account would grow, and i said... I've never even dared join any competition in real life (except sports, because that's teamwork). No matter how far some people may reach, and no matter how much we claim to be mentally strong, no one is really immune to the emotional damage of not being chosen.
And, I might be an Aries who is freaking scared of the sea, but yeah, I am one of those lonely mermaids. ❤️🩹
You know, Hive is one of the places that make you feel seen and heard. Maybe because we are all quirky and looking for connection with others. I've never felt so embraced as I do here. Enter the challenges. Xxx
Awe. Wish I could stop by for a visit and share a pick me up cup of coffee. Sending hugs from across the globe.
I'd truly love that so much.
🤗
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I dunno, I think I've become such a hermit that I don't mind being by myself or have the feeling of being left out. I've never had many friends in life anyway.
But then, I know if I need company, I can always drop by my siblings. And there are acquaintances who live nearby that I can call up. I'd rather have the ball in my court so I can manage my life better. But I get it, not everyone prefers it that way
Sorry for late reply. I didn't feel emotionally steady enough to responds I suppose. I think perhaps some of us Hivers stay here because our friendships are easier - we can log off whenever we want.
I have good company with my sister and brother in law too. Easy. And acquaintances, beach side, and trival conversation with strangers at teh super market.
I should just accept I'm not the kind of person that has the friendships I seem to be envious of.
Life can be weird and painful. We’ve few friends too, maybe because we’re a little quirky. The friends we have, tend to keep themselves to themselves but when we do catch up, it’s like time hasn’t passed by as much as we thought.
Quirky is good. Perhaps that's why we are on Hive. And us quirky Hivers get along just fine. Looking forward to meeting you both one day.
Me too, looking forward to it too!
Rest assured that you still surf a lot better than me. I'll ask you to teach me once I have the money and time to finally visit down under. One day...
Ha, one day, and of course!
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