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For the longest time, I thought highly of myself. I believed no guy could play me, that I was untouchable, unreachable, with a heart walled off from the games of love and trust. I kept my head high untouchable, unmoved.
Then I got to the university
Through my fellowship, I met a man tall, dark, handsome. And to my surprise, he loved God. Where I come from awwww godly men weren’t supposed to look like that😄. It was as though only the “not-so-attractive” ones had depth with God(I believe this will resonate with a lots of believers) But there he was bold, eloquent, Spirit-filled, and cute🥰
Before him, I had someone else off campus.But then, I was sent on an errand simple departmental duty: submit a yearly budget. He was the Secretary, a 400 level student. And from the moment his eyes locked with mine, It felt like he had found the controls to my soul.
Suddenly, I couldn’t think without him. Couldn’t study, couldn’t breathe. My emotions became a puppet show, And he? The joystick. He moved, and I followed. He spoke, and I lost myself.
It wasn’t love 😔
It was lust dressed in attention, masked as connection. Because love shouldn’t make you lose yourself. Love isn’t meant to enslave or silence your mind.
Looking back now, I see how lost I was, not in love, but in control. Like a plane steered by someone else’s hands. I’m grateful that it ended. Grateful I found myself again.
I returned to the love that was waiting to God, to growth, to clarity. And now I smile, knowing not got every fine man in church is a sign from God. Sometimes, they are just a test.
And now, I know better. Now, I fly with my own hands not as a joystick, but as a woman who knows her worth.
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