Wandering, being a flâneur was a thing I practiced back in the day. There’s beauty in wandering without any fixed destination but rather what our curiosity led us to. Some of us here are an expert at being a flâneur and for me, I am just someone who finds myself engrossed in this type of practice. In fact, my fascination with the world of Digital Nomad came from that habit, to wander.
Yet for the last 2 years, I find myself stopping, being pulled from the entire world I used to know, a person without any zip code or fixed location. Now, I have a fixed location, less wandering and suddenly being hammered into a place that I am trying so hard to fit in.
“ Are you going to grow old without family and properties or wealth?”
That above is like the basic question that holds me back from wandering again. Mostly said by families that robs away pretty much of my time. But I realized the story and experiences could remain as is. Even writing out our stories here, they’re likely forgotten after 24 hours it’s being published. It’s just like another chapter to be written and to be torn from our life pages. As someone who is a little older now, I realized the need to balance that we have to have something for ourselves but also not shy away from trying new things.
After many years of wandering, I find myself finding the sweet spot between around my family vs away from them.
Somehow, I find it more productive to be away from them and I remember that these past couple of years, my productivity dwindled whenever I am around them or be in the house.
While working from a coffee shop is more normalized lately, but ideally a coworking space is way better than working from a coffee shop unless you have a thick skin.
It’s why in the past, while I rented a smaller room, it was manageable for me to work from outside. There are also dedicated offices especially if you’re living in big cities which helps a lot with conference calls and such. However, now that I live in a small city, having a fixed zip code doesn’t really help me much. In fact, I find myself getting more and more lethargic with dwindled productivity. I could only do that for so long but just as I touched up on a topic that I learned earlier, “ time speaks about opportunity”, I felt like in this small city,I could pass up so many things and even have no opportunities at all.
Sometimes I wonder why I was able to save up much when I was living alone than having a fixed location. It’s intriguing isn’t it? In fact, I felt like by wandering, I saved up more than when I was living with my family.
I realized that when I was a wanderer, I didn’t have to buy gifts, participate in HOA meetings, contributions and several other hidden costs of having a permanent location. More honestly, it is one of the hidden costs of having a permanent location.
When I was on my own, I sent only what I could afford back home and my mom found a way to be comfortable living with it. But now, it’s like I couldn’t even afford to save up. In fact, we had so many hidden spendings that weren't so productive. One in particular is about food.
I think mom is like this everywhere where they always provide you with food despite you never asking for it. When I was a digital nomad, I was more than happy with just coffee and some onigiri. It’s like I felt full without having to try too hard. While being at home,it’s like I keep constantly feeling hungry which perhaps is the downside of suppressing novelty. I had so many double spendings on food which shouldn’t have happened.
For the past two years, I’ve been living with less novelty and this could be the reason why I don’t feel that sharp anymore. Our brain craves novelty and especially someone like me with higher needs for it can feel so unhealthy to suppress the need to wander and seek for more novelty.
When you’re conditioned to constantly move and travel, it feels like something is wrong when you don't do it. But society also shamed me for constantly being on the move when in reality this is how I’ve led my entire life, I’ve always been on the move. I don’t recall my childhood ever being stuck in one place. We always wander or travel almost a couple of times a month to a new place or just some place nearby.
Can you imagine being stripped of that ability? In fact, when my father was still alive and despite all the financial limitations and his health too, we still wandered whenever we could. He was the one forcing us to move around while my mother was the one suppressing it all.
One thing I know, wandering didn’t have to be too expensive. We went to many free places, ate at reasonably priced restaurants and eateries. All that mattered was we got the novelty experience that we always have.
It’s like being a smoker for so long or a caffeine drinker. You’re simply a fiend and addicted to it.
You know, in my case I tried going cold turkey but look at where it leads me, unhappiness.
Tonight, I stepped outside of my home for the first time and I had a clear idea that I was chaining myself to some invisible pole. Though I went outside quite a bit lately, I’ve never been this clearer and realized what a mess I got myself into. But at the same time, the house that I am living now also provides a way for me to dream again and makes me remember that I am still far from the ultimate freedom that I truly seek in life.
There it goes, my late night talk about being a digital nomad vs having a fixed zip code and never wandering again. There should be some balance in between especially if you’re a high novelty seeker like myself.
It’s good to have a zip code but also don’t forget to wander and explore what the world has to offer.
I absolutely hear you. I came in from the cold 13 years ago and although settling a long way from home, I'm still tied to a fixed location, albeit a beautiful location. Sadly, the location itself matters not and I still find myself drifting to sleep with thoughts of living on the road again in my old van, or more recently, thinking of buying a boat and just drifting to wherever my heart, or fate, took me once more.
This feeling never leaves you.
Luckily, here in Samui, my wife kinda understands why I cant stay stuck in the house and even if its a 10 minute ride around the block, need to simply get out.
You're also right about the cost. With a house, there's always something to fix,buy or pay for. Its never ending!
You'd suit vanlife perfectly, Mac. You have your own safe space with walls, but can move wherever you choose! Whilever you've enough money to fill the tank, of course!
TAke care and be safe and happy, Mac :-)
Ah that's so true! The location itself doesn't really matter. It's just the thought of not chained to some mundane activity and being somewhat on the move.
When I was much younger, I got so easily grumpy if things became a routine but since I lived in a big city, there were endless places and things to do. Somehow, I find myself cooped up at home once again and it's pretty depressing.
I thought about living a van life this year actually but with my dad passed away, that simply became another checklist.
I don't know how to drive 🤣 and he was the one who knew all about it. Our life has been halted since but now that we're getting truly feel getting back on our feet again, I am releasing a lot of bad energy and sadness away.
With having a home and cats now, it's like endless responsibilities and you can't simply just leave them as is. Oh and I learned something new actually that I am not that introverted, I was simply conditioned being that way. I mean, I am a little older now, so I certainly have learned a thing or two on how to deal with other people and make more boundaries & the ability to say No.
Thank you so much for sharing your story that this feeling simply never leave us. It's good to know that maybe we can do small things just as simple as going for a cycle ( I won a bike last month) and have been biking a bit too 😄
I saw that you'd won a bike. Thats brilliant, and it opens up yet another avenue for the nomadic dreamer....
https://www.worldtravelguide.net/features/feature/how-to-cycle-around-the-world/
😉
hahahahahah I am reminded by this guy on steemit days who toured around EU as well.
You are voicing the tension in the hearts of many ... being alone and not in a fixed place means that you are not keeping the routines of everyone else going ... but then having a fixed place gives one the occasion to be still and consider things.
Attention is brief. Honesty is forever. Never think what you are writing doesn't matter, if not least for giving you the chance to express yourself and see what you think.
I am learning to re-frame it that way because through speaking out my mind, I got extra courage, affirmation and even feedback from kind people like you Dean. I guess it's normal to think like it didn't matter sometime because our surrounding made it seem like it. The thing is, whatever we shared matters.
It is normal at times to feel insignificant in the middle of the huge world we live in, watching others getting more attention. Just push through it and keep going!
I was also a former wanderer, but I've been in my home now for 15 years.
For me, it's less of an anchor, and more like a storage space.
I can go where I want, when I want, knowing that when I tire of new people and places, I can return to my familiar space to rest and recharge.
As a guy with a reasonable collection of tools and a small home music studio, this suits me perfectly.
That's an inspiration for me to reframe it that way. I used to think about it being just as storage but when you don't enforce good boundaries like I used to do, it gets so murky. It's like I was suddenly chained to the place and it was my fault entirely hahaha
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
Ecclesiastes 3:1
I know how that feels. Feeling "stuck" in a season of life that I "don't want to be in"
But I have come to peace that at times, there is a season for everything, and hope, when I see you later and we get to catch up, in a foreign land (in your case) you gave some Selah moments outside the "chains" (not only just physical, but mental)
However, keeping in contact with a community who can be your support group is important, even though when you choose to journey yourself alone again until you found your true purpose (doesn't have to be staying put at one place)
ooh I realized the importance of community and I felt that a lot with the people in the church. I didn't have this feeling before but ever since I decided to go offline, it's been pretty awesome experience. So, keeping in touch is needed and it's something I am about to discuss in my next post hehe.
Can't wait to see you soon! 😊
The part about novelty hit me hard, so true! Even small adventures keep life exciting. Thanks for reminding me of that.
We need to constantly have some adventure, it keeps our life more interesting!
I'm happy for you, just keep going. Enjoy every moments of your life, don't limit for yourself, you can explore as much as you want. Find your happiness and fulfilment.
Sometimes the purpose of a question is to think, and not to draw a conclusion..
Update: @macchiata, I paid out 0.426 HIVE and 0.078 HBD to reward 4 comments in this discussion thread.