From the last week till now, my days are busy but I am taking everything slowly. I wrote before that I was going to introduce myself to a new psychiatric team who are going to help me for a longer period of time. Despite my slow recovery process, I still need instant help for some specific reasons. My trauma is still there and my nightmares returned. This time the nightmares are more intense and more visible. I rarely could sleep due to my anxiety and afraid mind. I can see some improvement of my treatment process but my condition is still delicate.
Currently, I have two doctors, one is a psychiatrist and one is a psychologist. My psychiatrist always takes care of my medications, my mood, and my recovery process. Before meeting my psychologist, I had no idea that I am going to meet a psychologist and the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist. It's strange because I thought both of them are similar but they are not. The approach of a psychologist is kind of friendly and all about therapy and talking. You can talk shit, cry or stay silent... Well, I will write about my first session later...
I have to meet my doctors once a week and for this reason, I have to go to the adult psychiatric hospital twice a week. I never wrote about my hospital location so today I have decided to write about it. A day before yesterday I had an appointment with my psychologist for the first time. The hospital is located at Parkwijk West, Almere which is a beautiful residential location. From my place which is Almere Centrum, it takes 15 minutes by bus. Very easy to reach the hospital. I don't go out often due to my mental condition and I often keep myself away from doing activities. But fortunately, this time I had reached the hospital 1 hour before my appointment with the psychologist. So, to push myself out of my own created barrier, I thought I should take a walk to explore the surroundings of the hospital. I also thought this decision will help me to relax my mind and brain and also will be good for my health as well.
Before my walk, I never thought this place can be so relaxing and beautiful. After coming out from the bus, I started walking following the nearby neighborhood of the hospital. As I have written before that this was a residential neighborhood so most of the structures were low-rise, typical Dutch houses. But the planning of the area is very organized and easily accessible.
At first, I followed the small walkways of the residential area.
This time, I also took some photographs to break the barrier of my thoughts. My brain and mind are still not fully focused and my concentration level is almost 0. So, I find it quite challenging not only to walk in an unknown neighborhood by myself but also to take some photos. This small step might seem so small but considering my condition, it was a nice step following my recovery process.
After walking in the neighborhood, I have discovered myself near a beautiful canal. It was not just a regular canal, a nice park area was located near the canal. I guess because of the greenery and beautiful scenery, this location is called Parkwijk. This park is called Hannie Schaftpark.
I have seen many dog walkers walking with their dogs off-leash and some were playing with their dogs. Because of spring, small white daisies and yellow dandelions were everywhere, so it is a great place for the dogs to run and play in the beautiful green meadow. A lot of things to smell for the dogs I must admit.
The mild, cold wind was blowing gently and the ducks were swimming on the canal. The place was so calm and like other neighborhoods in the Netherlands, Parkwijk was not exceptional and the atmosphere was so similar. I was kind of recalling my walk in my neighborhood in Kharkiv. The similar kind of feelings I was having there while walking around, the only difference is I will never be allowed to live there, unfortunately...
You might have seen a lot of locations like this around you but for me, it was a part of my treatment process, to discover myself once again.
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I saw some flowers, don't know their name obviously. I also discovered small structures which I assumed are used as community space or BBQ areas.
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Although the walk was small and I was in hurry, I was able to enjoy it and relax a bit. It was helpful before my appointment.
My appointment with my psychologist for the first time was quite strange. I didn't know where to start or what to say to her. I knew I had a lot to say and discuss, I just couldn't because of the first meeting. I was also in dilemma about what to say and what not to say. I guess my psychologist also understood my dilemma and hesitation and that's why she told me to see her once every week. Later I came to know that she is going to help me to process my trauma, tragedy, and all kind of feelings and also will help me to get back to normal daily life. I still don't know what kind of therapy she is going to give me but I guess in time I will understand that.
My psychiatrist added a new medication to help me sleep better. But in my opinion, after taking the new medicine along with the older medicines, my nightmares are becoming so intense and scary. I scream at night and I wake up instantly. I cry and talk a lot in sleep and suddenly I wake up. I can remember all the bad dreams and they are scary. So, my morning starts in a very strange way. I don't know what's going on with me now, nights are now very difficult for me to survive rather than the daytime. Not only it's a struggle to deal with such scary nightmares, but also for my health and mental health, they are not good. I know it because I can remember my nightmares clearly in the morning. I don't know what can be the solutions.
I am recovering slowly but I am also seeing a lot of side effects from the medications...
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Priyan...
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Yes, psychiatrists are more for the medical side of things. I think sometimes people might need one or the other or both. The psychologist will hopefully help you cope with your trauma and life in general by talking about your feelings.
I enjoyed your walk. When you are ready, I hope you can do more and more.
I will understand what is going to happen when I will meet the psychologist once again for the session. I was feeling uncomfortable talking to her at first and didn't know what to say or ask for. I also need to discuss the medications with my psychiatrist. The help is there and I guess after the evaluation of my recovery process, they decided to help me from both sector...
I can imagine it is a little awkward talking to a stranger at first. They should know techniques to put you at your ease, so I'm sure you will be fine.
By the way, my psychologist is very fashionable :D :D
Lol. More than me then. 😁
I guess next time if I feel uncomfortable, I will look at her outfit and looks instead of talking... LOL Probably that will make me comfortable... LOL... Just joking...
You are the smartest :D
Ha ha. Well if that works for you, I won't judge you. 😁
Depressing to read. I too have and have had depressive moods, panic attacks, anxiety and obsessive thoughts. Even if you can't see the end of the tunnel, the end is there. I wish you all the best and am glad that you are sharing your experiences publicly. That's what I plan to do with this account in the future.
Anxiety, panic, and obsessive thoughts are very difficult to deal and people cannot understand how difficult it is for a person to live like this. I sometimes feel I am a crazy person. But yes, I guess this is just a bad phase of time... I hope like me, you will find a little peace and can release your pain though writing...
I understand you well! You sometimes feel like you are the only person who feels this way and that no one has ever felt something so bad. I do behavioural therapy with exposures for the anxiety and obsessive thoughts.
To control my thoughts doctors are helping me. I don't know what kind of therapy they are giving me but the medicines are working...
I'm glad to hear that! A first step... :)
Why did you think it was depressing to read? I sensed so much positivity there compared to previous posts and it made me happy to read about the progress being made.
Simply because I am affected by the story - which I have not read before. The step into the clinic is very good, there can be help and support.
Hello, it's good to read about you.
In general, most people I meet don't know the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist, or between these two and an alternative mental therapist, but after having to go through several of these professionals during my youth, I learned to differentiate a little to each :)
I am glad to read that you are improving enough to force yourself out of the self-imposed barrier, and also to make an effort to coordinate your mind and body to take photos, which are beautiful photos, by the way.
The resurgence of nightmares sounds worrying, in addition to the fact that increasing the variety of medications is something that is also worrying, I really wish you get better soon and you can feel better.
Stay !ALIVE
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!GIF I wish you get better soon!
!MEME
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!CTP
I am slowly learning the coordination between my body and mind. It's not easy but with the help, slowly I am recovering and I can feel that. My mood still swings, and I feel panic still but everything is changing slowly. My biggest concerns are now my medications and nightmares, tomorrow I will discuss these with the doctor...
I hope that the conversation with the doctor will help things improve.
Eagerly I am waiting for Monday...
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Great park to linger and let your mind wander.
Only the best for overcoming your trauma and psychological problems! It's great that you report on it so openly. I think that's very important and only very few people do that. !HUG
The park was beautiful and a great park for the dogs as well...
I have been writing about my mental health for a few days. My initial thought was to see how I feel about writing and discover that it helps release my pain...
That it helps yourself is the most important thing. Another positive effect is that the topics around mental health are often still taboo, but should definitely get out of that corner.
Exactly and trust me, I am also facing and understanding the reactions of different people in real life...Actually, those who struggle and deal with this mental health situation can relate easily...
Absolutely! Often, people can only understand a person who either has to deal with it professionally or who was or is affected by it themselves.
Yes, cruel world...
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Wow. That's the most positive I've seen you in a long time! Even the language you used changed to more positive words.
Absolutely great post, great pictures and positive news from you.
Keep going, you're slowly heading in the right direction!
Best wishes to you and Gigi, take care :-)
I also noticed that I started thinking about positive things slowly. It's not like every day is inspiring or I feel good, but I can feel my mood swings and changes. I push myself to do at least one positive thing in a day, if I can't, I think about doing it another day. Gigi is doing good and she is a great emotional support for me...
My doctor also assured me that I will be better and become stronger after the recovery...
And just to finish the post, an equally positive reply!
So proud of you young lady. Keep going :-)
Thank you Nathen...
It is a slow and tedious path. But that you are on the path is progress.
The landscape that you have shared with us is beautiful, they are very beautiful photos, I understand that you found it relaxing.
I used to have nightmares daily, very vivid, disturbing. A mental trick that helped me a bit, I'm not sure if it works for you:
When I was going to sleep, I had a photo of a quiet place at hand, a landscape that I wanted very much to be in peace. In my case, it was a house next to a lake at the foot of a mountain. It can be a beach, or a place that you like.
When I went to sleep, I concentrated only on the photograph I was holding in my hand: what it would be like to be there, what the floor would feel like when walking, what the wind would be like on my face. I focused my mind as much as possible on being in that place, nothing else occupied my attention.
At first, it was difficult, but at one point I was able to dream that I was in that place. I don't know the name of the process or technique, and I don't know if it will be useful for your particular case.
But I would like to help you a little.
In my case, I also find it very difficult to concentrate and before sleep, I often struggle with my thoughts. I will try this trick, there is no harm and perhaps I will be able to divert my concentration on one thing. I have been understanding many things during my recovery process and came to know many things about myself. Sometimes it's quite difficult to accept things and unfortunately, I ended up experiencing a lot of tragedy together which I shouldn't experience like this. But as you said, my treatment is helping moving forward and I just hope eventually I will be better...
I hope things get better for you. I think going for more of this kind of walk should help in some ways.
I hope so too, considering my last 2 months' condition, I am doing better and hope to recover soon...
Beautiful photos! It sounds like your walk gave you a few minute to feel present, I'm glad.
So sorry to hear about the nightmares. Hopefully they can help you find a better med combination. I have trouble falling asleep at night, too. It has something to do with something but I haven't figured that out yet.
I have discussed my medications with my doctor and on Friday I am going to meet her in person. I hope we will come up with the solutions. Walk helps always but I can't take a long walk because I feel so tired and at one point I start feeling panic. So weird...
Maybe you can discuss it with someone who you can trust...
When I went on my big month-long road trip I would sometimes feel panic when out walking. New environments are unpredictable.
Part of me thinks that loneliness makes falling asleep hard. Quite time before bed is the biggest reminder. I do have an awesome therapist that helps me sooooooo much. She's really good at what she does. I love her! Professionally, of course. :) I would refer you to her if it was possible!
Yes, they are indeed different and both aspects are important a psychologist will try to help to deal with your emotions and make us aware if our toxic habits, and the psychiatrist will address the physical impact our mental health has in our body.
I know all too well of nightmarish insomniac nights.
Beautiful walk by the river bank
Wish and send you healing
You can feel the pain and struggle I guess dear because it's something very hard to describe and discuss. My nightmares are so disturbing and I wish I could forget them...
I am lucky I am getting the necessary help so far, I am just hoping to recover as soon as possible...
Hugs to you
And even if dreadful and scary sometimes our fears carry messages we also have to listen to. They are born for a reason and we must address that too, fear, rage, uncertainty, sorrow, they all weave shadows bit we must learn what casts them. Hope it gets better soon 🌱
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Hello there! Again, I hope you're feeling better today than yesterday.
What a beautiful and tranquil place this is, beautifully captured. For sure that was a really relaxing walk you had. And is definitely good for you.
Now I know the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist, thanks to you. 😊
Maybe you need to write a health journal, my friend, so everything will be there to remind you when you see your psychiatrist or psychologist.
Get well soon and keep us posted. Your progress will definitely make us happy.