I experienced feelings similar to these when I was in my early/mid 20s and floundering after college. My dearest friend had found his calling, and it turned out to be rather lucrative to boot. Why couldn't I just be thrilled for my brother? Why couldn't I share in his joy? Why did I automatically view his success as a reflection against my own shortcomings? It made little sense then and still doesn't now, but I very much appreciate your perspective.
Today, my friend is married to one of the most wonderful women I've ever had the privilege to meet, and I'm nearly seven years divorced. Somehow I've grown to where I view their relationship and love as an inspiration. I sure as hell don't understand why. Maybe I've seen enough of the forest in this particular picture to understand each individual tree that much better. Maybe it's luck? Either way, it's a gift and I'm grateful, because boy, we are a weird species of animal.
Isn't this the kind of "reference group" you want, one that inspires you, not one that makes you feel good by being less than you? I see it as similar to a dictator who surrounds themselves with Yes Men, they hear what they want, not what they need.
Getting some more experience under the belt definitely helps - if only we could step back in time a couple decades with what we know now :)
100%. It's also such a better way to go about living life, cultivating a mindset more driven by gratitude and inspiration than one so focused on jealousy and climbing some abstract/comparative ladder that doesn't really matter in the end.
I think about this all of the time! There are so many people I wish I could go back and treat with so much more kindness. Then again, I often think that if it wasn't for my mistakes, I might not have ever learned to aim higher and to try and pass on my lessons to my kids. I'm just grateful they (mostly) stuck as early as they did.