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Given the choice between a zombie apocalypse and being the last living person on Earth, I’d have to go with the zombies.
I mean, without other people around, who would appreciate my clever quips, my bon mots, my razor-sharp repartee? What would be the point of my brilliance if there were no one to impress? And who would I blame for my mistakes? No, no, that wouldn’t do at all.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not exactly a people person. Some might say I border on the misanthropic. But even I need people, if only to properly admire me.
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Besides, I’ve been preparing for a zombie apocalypse for years and I’m ready.
My walls are high, and based on what I’ve learned from the movies, zombies aren’t known for their climbing skills. Should a few of the undead manage to scramble over, my four savage hounds will happily tear them limb from limb.
If we’re overrun? Well, I’m nimble, fleet of foot, and I can hit a moving target at 50 yards with my air pistol, as my brother can confirm. Though granted, at twenty stone, he doesn’t exactly dart about.
Anyway, I reckon fat people become fat zombies and isn’t everyone overweight these days, yourself excepted, of course, dear reader?
If it really comes to the crunch, I’ll just push my obese sibling out the gate to keep the zombies occupied while I leg it. With my rigorous training regime, I’ll easily outrun the buggers.
You know what they say...he who fights and runs away lives to fight another day.
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Posted in response to galenkp's weekend experience
prompt asking ' Would you rather be in a zombie apocalypse or the only living person on the planet?
The images are mine
Note to self: Move next to Deirdyweirdy so I can properly admire her quick wit and clever quips as well as benefit from her deadeye air rifle prowess.
Post note to self: Bring lots of butter and such.
You're in luck! My neighbour died and her place is up for sale at only 360,000 euro...cheap at half the price. We can be besties! You needn't bring anything. We have butter on the premises.
lol I knew you would!! With that enormous backstock of butter, we needn't worry about the zombies...we'll just butter up and slip right through! 360k euro...pocket change! (not😂)
Sorry for your neighbor :-(
😂😂 Brilliant! I'd love to have seen that scene in the Walking Dead:)
Me too 😆. We could make our own version based on Hive users....could you imagine?? 😂
That was hillarious.
I'd rather not live in a zombie apocalypse. I can't even stand zombie movies 😁
Hilarious? Thank you very much. I'll tell you what, just for that, when the apocalypse happens you can stay at home and rest. I can fight for the two of us:)
It's your razor sharp repartee that keeps me engaged, never change.
Interesting you mention fat people and "isn't everyone fat" these days...I have a post for Wednesday called, Rise of the fat fuck. The title doesn't leave much to the imagination does it.
Hahaha... He who dares not offend cannot be honest. I look forward to reading it. We do seem to have morphed into a race of Oompa-Loompas.
Hahaha. Delighted to be of service!
I usually call it how it is, or how I see it at least, and feel no need to pull punches.
Great to see the engagement this post got and well deserved 👏
There's no shortage of zombies knocking around Ireland these days with their heads stuck in phones, even as they walk around
On the plus side they'll be killer at Thumb wars when evolution does it's thing..
I'm fortunate to get a lot of engagement on all of my posts. I suppose people recognise pure genius when they see it:)
I agree with you - better to fight or flee from zombies than be by your lonesome. Poor sibling - too much fresh veggies and panellas making him fodder for the zombies. Maybe you could feed the zombies - you will need to spare your sibling for your bon mots.😀
I have two siblings. I can easily spare one for the zombies:)
Aww ok then 😀
You may keep the zombies out, but how will you keep us Hive people out?
My plan is simple. Zombies out, Hive people in. Zombie Hive people...off with their heads!
I'd be a highly trained black op zombie, those that come from the roof, silently, and eat your brain without you even waking up. You'd just get up in the morning with a wonderful feeling of relief, suddenly everything seems lighter, as if you reached a state of profoundest meditation.
But chances I high that I survive the apocalypse, as I live in the perfect city to survive it. I already wrote about that a while ago: https://peakd.com/hive-163772/@beelzael/cotacachi-a-beautiful-place-perfect-for-a-life-amidst-a-zombie-apocalypse-enesp
A highly trained black op zombie? You're just being ridiculous now. Everyone knows you can't train a zombie.
You have a Simpsons clip suitable for every occasion!:)
Not me-youtube. 😛
I'll be trained in my real life, and preserve my skills while becoming a zombie. I won't know why, nor remember anything consciously (as that's wiped out by zombie-bacteria), but will have my muscle memory, Jason Bourne style.
Oh alright then. I never argue with Germans. There's no getting the better of them!:)
"The path to a life in peace is to never argue with fools. Nor Germans. Especially Germans."
At last, something we agree on:)
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Now that you mention it... I don't remember ever seeing a fat zombie. Anyway, fat or not they are all slow fuckers.
What might get you in trouble is letting your hounds put fangs on them, they would turn into zombie hounds and those are fucken fast and for what I know, animal dogs are always hungry, just imagine how they would be if zombised. As nimble as you may be they would hunt you down at least you learn zombie hounds command language, there you would have everything under control again.
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Don't worry, I started the course in zombie hound command language yesterday. I think I have everything covered.
Yeah you have. Always a step ahead. I'll have to start my @deirdyweirdy course soon enough just to level up and be as zombie prepared as you are. Me? Just 2 knifes and a couple of big eyes to mix up with them...of coarse gotta be a month at least without taking a bath for a fully mix scent achivements as well.
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I think your pudgy sibling deserves credit--he so often is a prop in your blogs.
Your little homestead must be great fun, with the hounds, vegetables, neat refrigerator and various siblings.
Credit? Sure don't I pay him his weight in fairy cakes and rhubarb crumble. He's never read my blog but I know he'd be delighted to have the starring role:)
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I'm pretty sure your sibling would be happy to know he would be used as a meat meal 🤣
No one to blame for mistakes would be a big loss!
Listen, he doesn't know yet, so keep it on the down low or he might go on a diet. Then we're sunk!
#hive #posh
#hive
Better to be the last living person on earth than zombies apocalypse 😁🤣