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Though I must confess to recent fantasies of dispatching the numbskull who decreed that all plastic bottles in Europe must now have tethered caps, I fear my constitution is far too feeble for murder. I’ve read Crime and Punishment and besides, I was educated by nuns, who drilled into me the sacred duty to constantly examine my conscience. Examine it? Sure I’m a slave to it! And to quote Hamlet, ‘Thus conscience doth make cowards of us all.”
So no, I’ve not killed anyone...yet. Though after my stepmother died in my arms, I did acquire something of a reputation. Entirely undeserved, I assure you.
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My reading tastes are decidedly lowbrow, detective novels and police procedurals, so I know a thing or two about murder and the commission thereof. My life’s purpose has so far eluded me, but perhaps it lies in ridding the world of those who presume to trample on our inalienable right to do as we bloody well please.
I’d begin with lawmakers, then move swiftly on to taxmen and their ilk, those whose professions seem to require that they hang their moral compass on the coat rack before clocking in. This I think, would justify my existence on this flat plane of ours. I’d consider it my gift to humanity. I am after all, generous to a fault, just like my father, who’d gladly give anyone your last penny. ‘Cast your bread upon the waters," he used to say, "and it will return to you a thousandfold." Those odds struck me as excellent, so I’ve always tossed money around like a man with no arms.
And should you find me a touch extreme, dear reader, I would contend that when the state insinuates itself so far into a citizen’s life that he can no longer enjoy his morning mocha without first hacking the top off his milk bottle with a scissors, well, the giddy end has been reached.
Rise up!
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Posted in response to galenkp's weekend experience
prompt asking ... What book are you reading this weekend and why? How do you justify your existence on planet earth, Have you ever killed another human being? Generous or selfish, which are you? and If you were asked to explain you life's purpose as you saw it what would the explanation look like
Total Control is the Goal...
If they do it paint drying slow enough, No one will notice it tho right..?
Absolutely! I think David Icke and his totalitarian tiptoe is spot on.
Don't get me started on governmental overreach. Washington state requires use of a specific kind of recyclable plastic shopping bag, or else paper, and charges you for each one. I don't think people are recycling them, either. It might be that same state that outlawed plastic drinking straws... or tried to. I don't live there, but my daughter does. Ghastly liberal politics...
Very little that government does seems to make any sense. You must cut off the caps or otherwise the lid won’t seal, and if you try to pour with it attached, it gets in the way and sends milk sloshing everywhere.
Oh, I could come up with several purposes for you on the spot, like teaching new words, word-plays, making people laugh, and such. Besides enlightening the world with your impeccable mmind, of course.
And those new milk bottles - I don't get them. But people are more and more degenerate and apparently incompetent enough to drop those caps everywhere. They do quite a harm to the environment, I've heard. And the nations love to give people fish instead of a stick, a line and a hook and kick their butts towards the river. I'm so tired of all that hand holding...
Thank you, thank you. I believe it takes one fine mind to recognise another.
As for the new bottles, they're yet another example of nanny statism. They'll be mandating sippy-cups for adults next!
Probably, and rightfully so! And soon, they'll be back to the most natural form of drinking milk - right from the udder. Whichever.
Loved that "man with no arms" line!
Another good entry although I'm going to wait until you find milk-bottle-cap-man and for what you do to him...that may be your best yet.
Hahaha. Hopefully I won't be writing that entry from a prison cell.
Possible, but might be worth it.
Pair of side cutters will solve the affixation affliction. The police procedural when they find someone murdered, tortured by bottle caps shoved down their gullet would be an interesting true crime story.
Netflix, I'm waiting for my royalties.
I'm writing the screenplay as we speak. Netflix where are my royalties?
I am well impressed with how you managed to answer all the questions and make me laugh out loud as well, although I think we all know how good you are at making us laugh, you have a gift for it, making even the serious questions light hearted. I salute you xxxx
I couldn't wish for a better endorsement. I thank you!
Well. I haven't got out of the post yet even when I really got out but can't help laughter fills me up, I can't get used to you and I definitely can. Yeah, I know. You rock it once again. I have enjoyed this a lot and I thank you for that cause I really needed it. Hahahah, you are amazing. The worst is you know it...😁😁😁
Amazing? Why thank you very much. I've been called many things, but never amazing.
Nah. I don't believe it. Not even once? How could that be?
People are so mean!:)
People surely have got so impressed that words won't come out in your presence. That must be it!!!
{:-)
I'm certain you're correct. I am after all exceedingly impressive!
See? Finally a come together of opinions.
An all in one! I like to read crime aswell like Angela Marson
I've not come across Angela Marson. I must give her a try.
Wait, to protect the environment, the government decreed bottles now must all be constructed with more plastic than before, creating an inconvenience for many users, and yet one easily circumvented with scissors or a knife? Am I understanding this nonsense correctly?
That's about the shape of it. And since it’s awkward to pour with the wretched thing attached and nearly impossible to reseal, you’re forced to cut it off anyway. Yet another shining example of senseless European regulation for regulation’s sake.
Finally, I've found someone else who disagrees with screw-top bottles in Europe! Now I have to cut them myself! How right you are!
They're a scourge! You think the cap is on, you shake the bottle and out pours the milk all over the place. Infuriating!
We were fine with the lid as it was, but now it has to stay stuck there, I'll cut it off! On top of the mess it creates... what will come next?
#hive #posh
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STOPMilk in paper bags? I read your post but couldn't find a paper bag anywhere.
When I lived in the city I bought raw milk in glass bottles but living in a remote location we have to buy in bulk and freeze it, thus the plastic. It's almost impossible here to find water in glass bottles. Luckily we have our own well.
I guess we're rightly fucked so. Man the lifeboats!