There's a stillness that comes with age. One that doesn't stem from emptiness, but from the fullness of having lived, of having had things securely and then letting go.
Today I want to share my experience in response to one of the questions @galenkp poses in our usual weekend activity. Here's her original post:
@galenkp/weekend-engagement-topics-week-285
I look back and can only feel profound gratitude. Gratitude for every courageous YES and, perhaps even more strongly, for every NO that protected me. That's why I identified with this question.
What three tips would you give your best friend before their first date with a new person? Explain.
The experiences, with their peaks of euphoria and their learning lapses, were the building blocks with which I constructed my inner peace: a space of self-care and tranquility from which I now observe life.
I no longer struggle with the processes. I understood, deep within my being, that everything we attract—people, situations, opportunities—first begins as a seed in the garden of our mind.
Our external reality is a faithful reflection of our inner landscape. That's why today I prefer to cultivate my garden with care, watering it with peace, pruning it with self-love, and trusting in the timing of each flower.
It is from this place, from this center that was so hard for me to find, that life often connects me with people who, with a mixture of nervousness and hope, tell me about situations in their lives that I try to listen to very attentively.
I don't give advice. I firmly believe that every path is unique and sacred. What I can offer is the essence of the conversation I would have with my friends, a chat that revolves around caution, common sense, and, above all, honoring who you are.
If I were to have that conversation, it would focus on these three reflections:
Tip 1: Go as a curious observer, not as a chaser of results.
The biggest enemy of an authentic date is the desperation for it to work out. When we go with our minds fixed on the future—will this be my partner? Will they like me enough? we stop being present and enjoying ourselves because we're imagining the uncertainty of the future. Instead, I would invite you to go with the mindset of: observe, listen, be curious.
Observe carefully: How does this person talk about others? Do they respect your space and your opinion? It's not about interrogating, but about connecting with the other person's humanity. By letting go of the pressure of the outcome, you allow yourself to be yourself and give the connection, or lack thereof, the space to show itself naturally.
Tip 2 Your peace is your territory; the date is just a visit.
This is perhaps the most important point. Your tranquility, your self-care routine, your center—that which is your daily life is your territory. A first date is just a visit to that territory. Never, no matter how fascinating the person is, allow that visit to disturb the foundations of your peace.
Don't rush into things believing that the excitement of the moment justifies compromising your well-being. The right person won't ask you to abandon your peace to receive it.
Tip 3. We attract what we believe we are, not what we wish we had.
Remember the fundamental law: we attract what our mind first creates. If you go on a date from a place of lack expecting someone to complete you—you will attract dynamics of dependency. If you go from a place of fullness a whole person who wants to share you will attract the possibility of a healthy complement.
And of course, leave your bad mood and problems at home. A good sense of humor is important for interacting with anyone.
Thanks for reading.
Images are my own, taken with my Redmi 10A
Tip #3 is so powerful. That advice can’t only be integrated into dates, but also into our personal goals as well. Although I don’t have any romantic interest, the first tip that I will give to my friend who has their first date is to let it be uncomfortable. I also love when an author stated that dating doesn’t need to be perfect at first. You will figure it out on your own.
Greetings @iamboring. Thank you for visiting.
I'm glad you found the advice interesting. Nothing is perfect; things just happen as they were meant to. Some things happen to make us uncomfortable, and others to make us feel comfortable.
Three valuable tips, the best I've read so far. I agree with the three points you raise, and protecting our peace should be a priority.
Oh! Thank you @karocont2011
I appreciate your visit and your kind comment on my post.
I'm so glad you liked my advice.
This can be very useful even to us here, the readers. As we go on a date, excitement can really be overpowering. A friend who knows this and can give such tips is seriously a blessing. Now I can't helo but remember my first date, what did I ever do in there. But I remember getting anxious coz my oldies doesn't know about it.
Greetings @ruffatotmeee and thank you for reading.
Exactly, the emotion can be overwhelming; I've been there too. The anxiety, the expectations, and asking questions without being present. But with time, we learn to take things more calmly.