I'm not a very tolerant wife. Poor Jamie. He's allowed to moan about something once, then I nip it in the bud. I don't like feeding the beast of negativity.
'For goodness sake, shush, you've said that already. Let it go.' I'll say. There's only so much negativity I can handle, and only so much 'there there' I'm prepared to extend to my love. I'm not one for repeated stories that are purely speculation. You don't know for sure that things will be that bad, and most of the time, the best strategy is just to deal with it - roll with the punches, and find the small joys.
To be fair, he's more a realist - he will read about something and understand what might happen, which can be something that is bad, like this war in the Middle East. I've learnt to trust his viewpoint as he's often annoyingly right. But often his negativity will come from anxiety - so I remind myself to be compassionate first, before telling him to shut up and stop moaning. To be fair, he does the same to me.
I think we both intellectualise negativity - we know it's not good for our mental health, and we know the psychology of it. The more you repeat a negative story, the more it becomes your world view. We can change what we think about the world by changing the stories we tell.
Take a very basic example. Last night, I had an awful sleep. In the past, I would have woken up and started speculating about how I was too tired to deal with the day, and that it was going to be an awful day because of it. These days, I wake up, make a coffee, and stand on the back deck with the sun on my face. I don't articulate the story of how my day might be because it's very likely it'll be just fine, with a bit of tiredness. The stories we tell ourselves can impact the very smallest part of our lives to the largest - how we feel about ourselves, about others, about life itself.
I'm definitely not a Pollyanna, but I choose positivity more than anything else. There's a bright side to everything.
With Love,
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As someone who generally sees the negative and has a propensity toward doom, I definitely relate to what you wrote here, my friend. I'm guessing it's a balancing trick, and it's not necessarily accidental, the people we end up with and these ways they're not like us. I have this a lot, falling into doom and gloom over the state of the planet, but then I think, well if we both do this now, what does that achieve for anyone?
That being said, sun on your face in the morning isn't a bad way to start the day, and if standing on the porch with coffee in hand and sun on your face is still an option, maybe not everything is so terrible. :)
I try to be as positive as can be. It is hard sometimes though. Somedays it takes a lot of work.
Totalmente de acuerdo. A veces hay que poner ese límite para no alimentar la negatividad. Me encantó la idea de cambiar la historia que nos contamos al despertar; un café y un poco de sol hacen la diferencia.
I love this mindset. Stopping the negativity beast is essential. That simple routine of coffee and sun on your face is the best way to rewrite a bad night's sleep. Great post.
Yes we can actually change what we think about the world by changing the story we tell ourselves. Instead of expecting and wishing ourselves the worst all the time, through our thoughts, we can tell ourselves, yes I didn't sleep well, but I can take today gently, I will do what I can, and I will still be happy. That little truth we tell ourselves can literally change the tone of the day for us. I am not saying that it would fix the lack of sleep, no no but it will help us not to suffer twice, from the lack of sleep and the thought about it. Please take care of yourself.
Yup. Joy is always within reach. We choose despair, some of us.
Reminds me of a pair of boots my hubby bought. I'd talked him into buying them in a small shoe shop in my hometown. When the marriage went south, years later, he brought up those boots many times, how much he hated them. We can get stuck on little things so we don't have to see the big things.
I woke up the same way this morning, and fell asleep much the same the night before. Only the sun won't greet me until it blinds me in the early hours of the office arrivals.
Everything is a choice. Mindset is the first choice everytime. We just need to allow ourselves to ensure that choice is a rational and balanced one.
As you know... I dont give into emotion often. :p
Shut up you do you excitable passionate smooch you.
Is work really awful? :((
Yeah, you're right. I also believe that there's always a bright side to everything. 🙏
As much as I can, though to be honest, I'm having hardships at times, I stay optimistic, appreciate small joys in life, and keep pushing forward despite challenges.
I tell my children: good thoughts attract good situations in life, be optimistic. I tell my wife: you don't need to read every news about wars on the planet; the headlines in your news feeds are enough. Sometimes I think there are people who don't read the news or watch TV at all; they're probably happier than others.
Yeah, I'm reminding my husband that he's getting stressed now and to turn off the news! We are going for a walk instead x