Being a mother of a child, that really never crossed my mind. I don't think I am capable of such a role. I have a lot of doubts and uncertainties about whether I can fulfill that role, even if I want to. A mother should be a loving one, but I'm not a loving person, I am actually a cold person, and I always have a hard time showing my true intentions.
People say that if it's my own child, it will just come naturally to me, the mother instinct will kick in. But I am not sure, I am really not convinced. With what I saw with their experiences, I feel like they are having a hard time too and I am afraid to experience the same thing. It can be fulfilling, but it can take a toll on one's body and mind. Taking care of child? For someone who has only thought for herself for 28 years, nah-uh, I don't think so.
Being a mother is a big thing, and the responsibilities that come with being one are almost scary to me. This is also why I respect mothers. I know how hard it is to be a mother, but they are really doing well being one. It's really hard to manage one kid, what more if they have three?
Let me share this 20-minute experience of being a mother. It is just a short experience, it didn't even take that much of my time, but I feel like it take my whole life because of the emotions I felt. This experience is one with my niece, Queeny. She's 4 years old now, so the experience happened when she was just two months old, I think.
I was tasked to take care of her while her Mother was taking a shower. I want to refuse but Queeny's Mother need to take a bath because she has to go somewhere, I had no choice. I have to take care of Queeny for more than 20 minutes and after that 20 minutes I feel like my soul left my body, lol. I didn't think that she would take her time to take a bath. I took mine for 10 minutes, so 20 minutes is really long for me.
Queeny is just sleeping, but maybe she stopped sensing the presence of her mother that she woke up. At first, she's just looking at me, but then her face slowly changes and distorts in disbelief, maybe because it is me that she saw and not her mom.
Her face slowly changed, and then a loud cry spread throughout the house. And I was like, "Ladylyn? What to do? How will I make her stop crying?" I was panicking at that time, and to be honest, I also wanted to cry and just cry with her, but I stopped myself. I will just look stupid, for sure. She can't just stop crying, and I don't know what to do.
Ladylyn told me that I should carry Queeny to get her to stop. But I shake my head hard, like she's just in front of me, convincing Ladylyn that I cannot do that. I am afraid, and she is really small. I can't stop myself from overthinking that I might drop her. But then Ladylyn is encouraging me just to try it.
I really had no choice at that time, I couldn't bear to watch her cry like that. I want to console her, but I am afraid. In the end, I decided to just try it. A lot of thought is flooding in my head. I know my reaction is too much, but for someone like me who has zero knowledge about taking care of a baby, it is really new to me and a real challenge.
I am still hesitating, but I am already looking for the right way to carry her. And slowly, I lifted her into her bed, holding and securing my hand in her head. I didn't lift her higher, as I am afraid that if I lift her more, I will drop her. I move closely to the bed, bend my knees, carry out Queeny, and lie in the bed. And instead of carrying Queeny, I held her in my arms, on top of my chest, patting her back. Thankfully, she stopped crying.
Waiting for my sister-in-law to finish is like waiting for eternity. And you know what, before she finished, Queeny cried again. She's crying while my back is already aching because I can't really move that much, afraid too that I might wake her. This experience gave me more reason not to have my own child. I mean, so I have to do this until my kid's grow? OMG! I can't do that, I am afraid. I know my reasons are too shallow, but there's more to it than just that.
I think the responsibility I have to bear will be too much for me. I am always awkward in front of little kids, and I don't know how to properly approach them. It's not that I hate them, I just don't like kids because I am not good with them. Even with their adorable faces, I just can't like them. The only kids I like are my nieces, but other than them, I ignore the others.
Another thing is that I really have this ugly habit where, when I get mad, I shout and look for something to throw. If I become a mother and I act that way while my kid is with me, I don't think the kid will still like me. It's hard to control my emotions sometimes and I know it is not good. I might really just end up hurting the kid if ever, and I don't like that. It may leave them with a scar, not a physical one but a mental one, and from a trauma.
I know for myself that having a kid is not on the list of "my dreams" right now or even in the future. My nieces and nephews are already enough for me. I will just pour my love on them and live happily and stress-free.
i agree ruffa chan, na experience ko mag alaga ng bata and I thought kayang kaya ko na pag naging mama ako pero narealize ko pag naging mama, di lang pag-aalaga kundi pag didisiplina, pag tuturo magandang asal, pagtuturo sa school nakuuuu i kennat
See, there's too many things to do, lol. At para sa tamad na tulad ko, that's a tragedy, haha charrr. But seriously, na experience ko mag buhat ng baby, yong panganay ng hipag ko, nasa 3 years old ata sta pabisi bisita sila dito ee. Saglit ko lang binuhat mandin, kinabukas ang sakit na agad ng braso ko aguyyy. Mahilig pa naman magpabuhat, "Tita buhat!" Sino namang makakahindi kasi haha
hahaha tas pag matutulog i hele mo pa karga karga
Minsan nga hirap pa patulugin aguyyy.
This level of honesty got me laughing.😅 I don't think it's just you, some kids can be really annoying especially those who like to throw tantrums and cry non-stop.
I like that you have done self introspection to decide if you want a child or not.
Hahaha, I can't push myself to like kids, seriously. Especially that kind of kids who cry hard when they don't get the things that they want. Another thing that I dont lioe about kids is their loud cry 😭😖
At least you like your niece😅
Naku baka yung bata mismo maihagis mo @ruffatotmeee LOL.
But seriously though, ok lang yan. Not everyone is designed to be a mom. 😊
!PIZZA
Ahahaha ay hindi yan malabo, kaya ayaw ko talaga, haha. Mahirap na at naku naku, lol.
I so agree with that!
Wag @ruffatotmeee Waggggggggg! 😂
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Matutunan mo din Yan sis if may baby kana hehehe pero now pa lang magpractice kana sa mga pamangkin and neighbors hehehe
Samedt. I cannot. Hirap na nga ako sa mga hayop, mga bata pa kaya na pati yung kakayahan nilang mag-isip need ma enhance. Hirap.