What a touching story. The text in the book must give you a mixed feeling. It must be nice to read that he was proud, but you might rather wanted him to tell you directly.
I see a lot of resemblance with my father. Although my father is still alive, I do see the same pattern. My father always worked while my mother was mostly at home taking care of us kids; the traditional family. We didn't have a lot in common except liking computers.
When my mother died, we lived together in the same house for a couple of years, but even then we didn't really talk a lot. I was a teenager and just lost my mother and my father isn’t someone that expresses his emotions a lot, let alone talk about it.
I can't remember he every told me he's proud of me, but I just know he is.
They moved to the other side of the country, so we don't see them a lot (although the two hour drive isn't even that far). We just don't have that bond.
I myself tried to do things different. When the youngest was born I started working one day less. I was really lucky this was possible financially and my employer allowed me to. I was able to spend a lot of one on one time with them. This really increased my bond with both my kids. I tell them I'm proud of them, that I love them and I still kiss them goodnight even though they are 14 and 16 now.
But times are different now then 30-40 years ago, so I don't blame him for anything. It's just how life goes.
Mate! Well done on being strong enough to hold them down at 14 and 16 to force affection upon them. :P Put me in those shoes at that age, and I'd be rebelling and trying to push away. I am sure they do, but I am grateful that you put an effort in for them, and importantly, for yourself. It is really responsible.
The thing about your situation is that I am sure that your father had unresolved grief for a time and was probably really struggling with juggling everything together, particularly in their head.
Thank you for sharing your story, it is amazing to read all the other people coming out and writing about their own experiences, it is more emotion to go through than I was prepared for today, but not every day is meant to be easy!
Haha. That might give a weird view on things 😂
But I noticed the emoticon :P
I have two girls, that might make a difference. And they have grown up receiving a lot of hugs, so they are used to is. Sometimes I even get a spontaneous one from them 🫨
Only not in public...
It surely wasn't easy for him as a single parent with a 17 year old that didn't talk a lot and was a lot on the streets or behind his computer. Surely because we didn't talk a lot before my mom died. She was the communicative one.
It did open my eyes later on in life. I know try to make time to really talk to my kids and be there for them. I think that pays out.
It's good to sometimes release the pressure by writing or talking about these things. It can help put things in perspective.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...
Take care!
Or, as the song I was listening to at the gym today went, "What doesn't kill me, makes me vicious" :)
May you and your family have a lovely and wonderful day.
❤️