Welcome to The Ink Well, @b0s! You are correct. You fit in fine. This story shows imagination and verbal fluency. You create a dynamic between two people that has conflict at its core. They are attached to each other, and yet they have interests that pull them apart. The introduction of the mother in the relationship is familiar. So often a man is caught in the tug between mother and girlfriend/wife. It looked as though you might be going in that direction, but no! You did something original. You created a scene where the girlfriend is taken away suddenly and the boyfriend realizes how much she really meant to him. You resolved the conflict (the job of every story teller) but in an unexpected and tragic way.
A good first story. I hope to read more from you in the future.
Thanks for your analysis I hope to continue to contribute to this wonderful community