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RE: The Lonely Stretch: The Inkwell Fiction Prompt #26

in The Ink Well3 years ago

What a wonderful story, @bruno-kema. I am truly creeped out by their situation. I was thinking "Psycho" when you mentioned the motel. But no, you didn't go to the expected. You created a whole new terrifying scenario. Usually, I'm sure, Stella wouldn't be so unpleasant, but she's not feeling well. Of course she's angry. You establish that character well.

This is a horror story with an existential dilemma. Where are they in time and space?

I'm building my VP now for the day, so I'll leave you a tip instead. I promise to come back with a vote later. Really good job.

(May I make two suggestions? I wouldn't make these suggestions if you weren't such a good writer. But I think you like things to be perfect :)

This is really two sentences:

He pointed at another point on the map, "we can spend the night there then continue our journey in the morning."

You need a period after map and a capital 'W' for we (in my opinion)

Also, in the paragraph below you transition POV from 'they' to 'we'. In dialogue you have used first-person 'we' throughout the story, but in narrative you have used third person 'they':

We got out of the car, locking it. Armed with the map and taking each other by the hand, we began to walk, leaving the car behind.)

A really, really good job with the prompt!

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Thank you very much for this @agmoore. I can't believe those errors skipped my eyes during my editing.
And all corrections have been duly made.
I'm glad you enjoyed my story. Thank you very much for reading😁

Every time I write a blog my husband proofreads it first. He always finds at least one mistake. We are only human ;)