I remember @carolkean mentioning something about some of the lines coming off awkward. Thanks to that feedback alone I realized how much I force rhymes sometimes, so I switched to free writings while I work on that.
Having a feedback is great, especially from people with such literature arsenal on this community.
@carolkean is wonderful at providing useful feedback! Good for you for being open to it!
Yes, she is. And of course, how else to improve?
Thank you, Jayna and @amirtheawesome1 ... in the past I may have been too opinionated or too severe with feedback, and now I worry I did it again, but I always add the disclaimer that English as a second language is formidable. Even native English writers produce awkward syntax, "under the age of 50" in particular, I often lament, blaming our school systems for failing to teach command of the language as our last-century teachers did.
And who am I to talk, when I look to Joyce Carol Oates as a role model, she who breaks the rules, writing in a breathless rush of sentence fragments and purple prose.
"Literature arsenal" - now there's a great image!
Feedback and criticism, to me at least, are the highest form of caring. Be it about a person through seeing value in their work, or just about the community in search of improving it. I post all different type of posts in all different communities. I continuously find myself, almost automatically, coming to post here before I even have an idea what is on my mind due to the engagement from the members as well as the mods. Only on this community have I seen mods actually caring about their members.
I could go on forever at the risk of coming off as bootlicking, but long story short, thank you.
Boot licking - LOL!! - first, you're most welcome, and thank YOU for your kind words. You have no idea how much I needed them on this day. I've been a recluse, withholding comment, seeking to practice The Mortification of Silence, having caused too many friends and peers to slam doors in my face when I dared to offer my honest opinion on something, even things that seem impersonal or random (e.g., a neighbor would get defensive and angry with me if I mentioned garlic mustard, as if I were accusing her of failing to fight an invasive species and making a character judgment--how could she think that of me? Imagine I was directing a public rant about an invasive species just to her? It's not as if I tagged her--this was Facebook--but some people are always spoiling for a fight).
BUT, but, but, some writers actually do welcome feedback, not just praise and upvotes, but actual, honest responses, with suggestions for how to (maybe, in my opinion) improve their writing.
Thank you again for your kind words. Maybe I'll start venturing out of hibernation more often!
I think overall the world is angrier. I do these long posts where I dive deep into a subject and talk about. Like the one about "The Story" I posted here, you can see my blog for more examples. Anyway, it seems like social media, T.V and even movies are leading the world into depression and in turn frustration and anger. It is why I moved into a site like this.
I have a LOOONG theory about why people assign intent, but they do. Long story short, that reaction overall is more about them than about you. I am a Muslim, but if someone near me says something like "I hate Islam" or even "I hate Muslims" I don't get offended because it is not about me and they have reasons that I could either pursue to change his mind or overlook them. Getting angry in the end is SO easy.
Just upvotes and praise means your work is perfect basically, feedback means it is not. The only way to improve is the latter. And you should be venturing out of hibernation more often.
I'd love to read your theories about how people assign intent! People hear me say stupid things and ascribe it to malice, but I have never knowingly offended; just thoughtlessly, stupidly; and yes, with a degree in English and decades of living, I should by now be able to comprehend how things I say will sound to the listener. But I never anticipate the slammed doors, the anger, the reactions to things I say. How can I be so inept? "Mortification of Silence" is what I must practice, but I forever keep offering feedback instead, not just to writers and bloggers, but friends and family. People don't really want to know what we think. They want affirmations. They want trophies, upvotes, rewards, but not constructive criticism. The occasional exception (a writer like you) is what keeps me from remaining in hibernation. Thanks for your thoughts on this. You sound very wise! Getting angry is the usual knee-jerk reaction. Trying to see where the commenter is coming from: who does that? You do! And that gives me hope. :)