Christine and Linda had always wondered about their Mum and Dad. Having arrived in the UK after WW2, they had made their life here, given their children ‘British’ Names and ‘fitted in’.
“We’re clearly Indian,” said Linda “but where exactly FROM”. As children they had asked but any questions had been met with the reply “We’re here now and you were born here. You’re British. It’s a long way away”.
Childhood expanded into teenagerhood. The Beatles became popular, and the girls’ swarthy complexions made them exotic in a George Harrison Hari Krishna way. Yes, there had been some racist comments in the playground following Enoch Powell’s Rivers of Blood speech, but a good education, middle class friends and marrying ‘white’ boys had resulted in pale skinned children and even paler Grandchildren for Christine and Linda.
Christine was now 72 and Linda would be 70 next year. They had enjoyed ‘good’ lives. Both married boys from the building society where they worked together, had a boy and a girl each and enjoyed the comforts of a modern home in Solihull and the two families spend a lot of time together. The families decided that holidaying in the UK was what was needed to give the children fresh air and exercise, so it was camping in Scotland and time on the Norfolk Broads for them.
Over the years times had changed as their children grew up and spent holidays in Majorca, but Christine and Linda stayed closer to home and their last holiday had been in North Wales in a little B & B in Betwys-y-coed. Just the three of them now; Christine’s husband Phillip sadly died two years before, so it was just Christine, Linda, and Linda’s husband Paul. They had had a lovely time and enjoyed time at the Swallow Falls. “Mum mentioned a waterfall once she had seen when she was a child”, said Linda when they were there, but that was where it had stopped.
It was difficult to say who they actually thought their Mum and Dad were. Known as Sherry and Jay King to their friends they spent time playing tennis and having ‘a few friends around for drinks’. The former activity mostly merging into the latter. Their accents were decided British, although Sherry’s slipped at times when she became tired. ‘Speaking nicely’ was the number one requirement in their household. So much so children in school often giggled and called them ‘posh’.
With marriage and Midlands’s life this had tempered, and Christine found herself having to correct her Grandchildren’s grammar at times.
There seemed no reason to upset the applecart by seeking an unknown identity which had obviously been rejected by their parents many years ago as they sought a new world and a new life. Both parents passed several years ago and the secrecy with them.
“Grandma “, said Michael ‘Can I talk to you?’. Christine was close to her ten-year-old grandson, son of her daughter Melanie, who came to see her after school, heading straight to the biscuit barrel.
Christine looked up from her crochet hoping this wouldn’t be about the birds and the bees. Her friend Pauline said these were the most difficult questions and took a bit of ducking and diving.
“What is it darling?”.
“You don’t know where your family is FROM Grandma, do you?”
“Not exactly a long time ago but we are from here. From England.”
“Someone told me we can find out where we are really from by doing a test.”. Michael continued.
“What sort of test, Michael?”
“You test spit. That can tell you all the places your family comes from.”
“Spit?”
Christine had been avoiding those Family Research Adverts for DNA tests. Surely, they can’t really know from SPIT. They must look at your name and guess. “I’ll look into it, Michael” she said. That was that.
A week later the box arrived. She hadn’t told Linda about it, but she had sent off for an Ancestry Family History DNA testing kit. A bit expensive, but rather exciting. She even felt a bit naughty.
She opened the box and read the instructions. After an hour she had raised enough spit for the container and enclosed it in the envelope to return to the laboratory. A bit of a messy job but she cleared it all away and straight away went to the pillar box on the corner. She strangely had guilty feelings, but a frisson went through her body. What would she discover?
A few weeks passed and she had an email. She opened it shaking. She read it with care looking at all the diagrams and pie charts showing the geographical areas of family origins. To be honest it wasn’t much of a surprise. All from the Indian subcontinent. In her heart she knew this.
She closed the email. Perhaps she should have spent that money on some new saucepans.
Then the emails started. The MATCHES. Names and sometimes grainy photos of Indian faces staring out with the claim they were 4th cousins, 3rd cousins. Often from as far away as the USA and Australia. Christine didn’t know what to do.
Christine knew Linda was coming round that afternoon. She would have to tell her what she had done.
“How exciting!”, said Linda. “Let’s go and meet them!”. Linda was always the most adventurous of the two and before she knew it Linda had booked tickets and accommodation to Chennai. She had got them passports, visas and even vaccinations. "Can’t be too careful," she said. They would be met by ‘cousins’ at the airport.
Never having travelled abroad before Linda and Christine enjoyed the flight from Heathrow with all the flights meals and entertainment. Getting off the plan at Chennai two men approached them before they had even gone through customs and passed a note to Christine. It said ‘*There is something you need to know about your parents. Phone me. ‘
I loved the story
I walked through and pictured the sisters doing their thing, their children and grandchildren "watered down" over time ;p
But I have to know now who are they? What's their lineage... what's the story these two men have .....
I like the way you tell your story, you gave me details about them without overexplainingng:D
Thank you. The prompt made me think. I am thinking where it goes from here !
Hello @bellou61. I like the logline you chose about the two sisters. It's a story of trying to discover their parentage. You take your reader on the journey through the two women's lives. This can be a good thing if the journey is long and drawn out.
First, I'd like to inquire about the image in your story. Is this an image you own or one you found online? All images you include in your post must be either your property or from a site that allows you to use the image for free for personal and commercial purposes.
After reading your story, the two sisters seem to be likeable characters who I can tell are close to each others. I was wondering whether parts of their background on them growing to senior citizens could be eliminated.
Instead, what do you think about bridging the gap from childhood to adulthood with some humorous short sentence antics the two ladies previously encountered. Then a line or two about each ladies' families. In other words, more action in the story.
Not many people will know that "WW2 means". Why not spell it out.
You have more detailed comments from others, and I agree with all their comments.
Thank you for your comments . Very useful . The image is my own from a hanging from India .
Hello. That's so nice. A suggestion would be to mention this in your footer so there won't be any doubt. Thanks for responding.
Hello @bellou61, Welcome to the Ink Well Short Story Contest!You have done an excellent job of adapting your story to the logline:
You not only set the scene in the first paragraph, but you also establish the essential conflict of the story. Two women in their 70s wonder about the origins of the families. You build the characters carefully. We come to know the women through descriptions of their vacations and their relationships with their children.
While the vacation descriptions add color and interest, the story might move along more if you were able to tighten up this part:
Not all of the details add to our understanding of the characters, nor do they further explain the central conflict.
The introduction of a grandchild and the scene with the spit are wonderful, especially this line:
The end may leave readers wondering, but that's fine. These women, who are nearing the end of their lives, are about to embark on a discovery. It doesn't matter what that discovery is.
There is more to say about the story but it is certain you will receive more detailed suggestions from other commentators.
Please remember: suggestions are just that. This is your story. You make your own decisions about the final edit.
Good luck!
Greetings, @bellou61
You raise an interesting story from the logline. At times I think I read a tone that indicates a certain position of the narrator towards the social behaviour of the old sisters. You describe it well:
Alongside the need to fit in, evident also in the images elsewhere, there seems to be a secret in the sisters' origins.
You develop your story in such a way that it ends with the starting image provided by the logline:
As a reader I feel I am at the starting point and my expectations are not met. The sisters begin the journey but we don't know what they discover.
My main recommendation is that you develop the chosen logline.
Thank you everyone for your comments. Bit too much to take on board for a second draft.