Dear Ann,
How was life in high school? Are you still ditching your classes when you feel like not attending them? Are you still friends with Rose? How does it feel hugging Mama and having an every-night conversation with Papa whenever he gets drunk? He would wake you up at night, along with AJ and Daisy, just to lecture about life and how you should live it. Believe me, I miss those.
I dropped the pen and let it roll on the table, not continuing my letter. Pain drummed in my chest as I was writing a letter to my 14-year-old self. Tears damped my gloomy cheeks as I reminisce about my old life, wishing I could relive it. I couldn’t stop the poignant memories flooding my mind. They were so vivid, I felt I was living in the past, as if my current room wasn’t existing. The present time wasn’t existing.
I’m no longer in high school. I’m already working—a job I’m forced to embrace because it’s stable… teaching. Although my childhood dream was to become a teacher, it all changed when I was in high school. I fell in love with writing, and I just couldn’t let it go. However, recently—after being on hiatus from writing—I felt like my passion didn’t love me back. I couldn’t write anything, but a sigh of frustration and disappointment for not being productive. It made me feel that I didn’t belong in the world of writers. The world I so long wished I could live in.
Back then, even now, socializing had been so difficult for me. I always felt I didn’t fit in. Or was it I who preferred to isolate myself? Being an introvert was both fulfilling and heartbreaking. I would long for belongingness, yet I always felt like an alien. So, I ended up backing off not to make things awkward for me and the people I was trying to reach out to.
Perhaps, I had felt like isolating myself because I distrusted some people, especially the ones who used to be part of my life. Rose was no longer my friend. I blocked her on Facebook; I even blocked her from my life altogether. Who would’ve thought friendship with her could be suffocating to the point that I couldn’t breathe? I couldn’t live the life I want with her around, so I banished her from my realm. She was part of the previous chapters of my story, not wanting her to be part of the present. After all, I had learned to ditch my classes because of her. That alone was a sign I shouldn’t have spent time with her then.
Mama and Papa? I would forever miss them! Just thinking about their smiles, and the sound of their voices when they talk and laugh, would make me want to be a child again. Memories with them were blissful but agonizing. Blissful, because it was Mama and Papa who never failed to make me feel accepted and loved. That whoever I might’ve been and whoever I might’ve become, they would always embrace and never abandon me. Agonizing because losing them would always be the most tragic part of the story of my life. The emotional injuries I had obtained from losing them would never heal. Those injuries would never scar because they would never heal. There was no moving on from losing both parents who always made me feel I belonged.
It is tragic losing those we love and I agree that losses like that aren't the type we can heal from.
I'm really sorry you lost those important to you. 😔
Concerning the matter of friendship, I share similar thoughts and I feel it helps to filter the type of people that stay in ones life.
It's a good thing that you haven't given up on writing.
Thank you for your sympathy. I appreciate it a lot.
You're most welcome. 😇
Glad to see you climbing out of that writer's block friend. The trip down memory lane could evoke such raw feelings. Sharing a lot of things you wished and hoped or maybe even regret takes a toll on us but I hope you're okay. I really do.
Lots of !luv from a #dreemerforlife🌺
Haven't realized, until recently, that writer's block can be suffocating. It's like the ocean; it can drown you if you don't know how to swim.
And I trust that you're not drowning, that you're learning the swim even when the tides are against you. I'm learning to do that too.
@idlemind, @jhymi(2/3) sent LUV. | connect | community | HiveWiki | NFT | <>< daily
! help(no space) to get help on Hive. InfoGetting to the ending part of your story changed my mind. Losing people who mean so much to us can be very painful. Be strong, so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom and dad.
Thank you for sympathizing. It's not a piece of cake to move on from losing them both, but I'm coping.
It is not, at all. Be strong dear.
Likewise. We can do it despite any trouble. Thank you again.
You are welcome.
😊😉🌈🤙 yay! a new post from u!
Just keep smiling.. u can keep the J O B for stability, but just write cuz u want to and hive is always a place for u to that.. :)
I know. It's been a while. I really had to nag myself just to be able to write something. Thank you for reading.
😊
Writer’s block is a really hard wall to face, but you give voice to the feelings of isolation and inadequacy that it creates very effectively. However, by facing your demons and forcing yourself to pick up your pen, who’ve overcome the most serious inhibitor. Well done!
Thank you! I know I have to overcome my weakness. I can't just idly stand by watching writer's block devour me.
The world of writing is exciting with its built-in difficulties. The mind plays tricks on us at certain times and sometimes it seems that we live on an island completely alone.
Thanks for sharing.
Good day.
Thank you for reading and giving your thoughts about my writing. I appreciate it.
The loss of a loved one is so heartbreaking. I can't even begin to comprehend how you feel. I'm very sorry for loss.
You're very strong for picking up your pen and writing again. Thanks for sharing.
Came in from @dreemport #dreemerforlife
Thank you for taking the time to read. I appreciate it.
I'm condolences, May their soul rest in perfect peace. you got a great talent, your writing is exceptional don't think you don't fit into the world of writers. i hail from #dreemport #dreemerforlife
Thank you for such wonderful words. That somehow alleviated the frustration I feel towards myself.
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