Well golly, that is an impactful story, @agmoore. Wonderful job with the hook, which begins with your title and is carried forward by your first line.
Writers throughout time have sought to capture the many facets and realities of childhood &mdash the dreamy times and wonder, as well as the traumas, the moments of heightened awareness and raw emotional pain. It is never easy to do. But you have done that with your story. We are right there with those kids, hearing those voices transmitted through the house via the pipe, wanting to run and protect their vulnerable mama. Well done, my friend!
Thank you @jayna, I tried to illustrate the importance of a strong beginning. We all know that first line can be really hard. This one came naturally (of course, it took some tweaking), but sometimes I write and it's not there. I have to hunt and hunt. I'm sure you do that too.
I appreciate your kind words. It is a very simple story, so it's even more gratifying that you think it meets the mark. Thanks so much.