Excellent. I feel his rage, his regret, his intelligence, the trob of extreme pain. I can smell the damp straw. I know the wrong, the great wrong. His very name, since he could read it, is an affront. Very powerful poem.
I am wondering about this bit
Letters that force
this hot and heavy heartbeat,
made these rotting circles of meat
that meet above my nose.
Is he angry at his eyes for reading? I can't bear thinking that his eyes were gouged out.
This is great, as I felt those visceral feelings that day in the cell imagining Ham's life as I wrote these words. As a poet, it made me happy to know that this comes across strongly.
It's a hard subject, especially when trying a persona poem like this.
But I'm afraid it is the later... his eyes were gouged out. That's why he is blaming the letters for the rotting circles of meat.
I've never been one to shy away from the hard truths in my poetry, especially when I was younger, and it's something that was done on occasion.
This is one of those poems that I hoped that would make the reader feel angry, sad and even the hopelessness that Ham felt.
Thanks for reading owasco, this poem was 10 years in the making as I changed a lot today in the the edit from the original written in 2006.
That is very interesting! do you think you changed any of your meanings, or did you make them clearer? Were they just proofreading changes? Vocab choices?
So this is gruesome this poem. It's dirty and disgusting and leaves me in his rage, and I get regret, not sadness, not yet, there's still too much pride for sadness. Is the rewrite more gruesome, or less?
The rewrite is no less gruesome, it is just clearer in the way it is arranged and some vocab changes. Also, I did change some of the imagery a little but it was a good 1st draft in how visceral it was before the proofread.
I'm older, and I hope, a better editor of my own work than I was at the age of 27 when this was originally written. I can't remember exactly what I changed in the re-write now. Lol,and it was only ten days ago, but I do remember that when I read it with my internal dialogue switched off, like someone who had never read it before or knew what it alluded to, there were parts that weren't quite clear.
So I focused on tightening them up :)
gaaaaaaahhhh!!!! They gouged out his eyes!!!!!!!!!
I cannot unsee this now
Ah, Raj, never one to shy away from horror, however graphic and intense. I applaud you, honest, I do, but I cover my eyes when I read these things! ;)
It is visceral in its uncompromising telling of this tale of history. They did this to people, just for learning how to read!
The depths of depravity of the worst of the human soul never ceases to astound and sicken me.
But, without the dark there is no light I guess.
I could do with less of the darkness. Historical fiction (and military!) have been too horrible for me to read until very recently--forcing myself through scenes like this eye-gouging (and witch burnings). It's one thing to know such things happened. It's another to read lurid details. Do I hafta? Part of me dies when I confront the horrific truth of what people have done to each other, and continue to do even in this enlightened age of science and reason.
Fiction conveys the horror if it better than textbook summaries can.