I never used to like the idea of "an eye for an eye" and "a tooth for a tooth", but an incident that happened some time ago had me thinking otherwise.
There is a friend of mine who I thought we were so close that we would always be involved in each other's lives. We both attended the same secondary school and though we weren't so close back, we still talked even though we didn't stay close to each other.
But attending the same higher institution brought us closer, we studied the same course and our place weren't too far from each other because she stayed with her aunt and her husband whose house is not too far from my house.
We go to school together every day, we read together, share secrets. I do visit her during weekends and whenever we have free time. We were like sisters or so I thought.
When we went for our teaching practice, we chose the same school and one closer to home to be closer and we enjoyed our time teaching those kids.
After graduation, we worked in different schools but we still talked although not as we used to but enough to keep our friendship going.
Then one weekend, I was home when I got her message on my phone
"Ore, I don marry o,(which means, Friend, I got married)"
When I saw the message, I laughed at first because I felt it was a prank. Then I asked how she could be married without me knowing.
I didn't believe it until she sent me pictures. She is not an actress nor a skit-maker so there is no denying what I am seeing. My friend with her husband and others in wedding pictures.
I was happy for her but deep down, I felt very bad. I remembered just how we used to talk about our weddings, how we both said we would tell our partners not to take us too far away from each other so we could still be able to visit each other after marriage. I looked at the pictures and saw how I would never appear in her wedding pictures. A day that cannot be gotten back.
I am not one to always care for public opinions but at that time, I wondered what people who knew us would think, "Why is Rukkie not at her friend's wedding?", "Did they quarrel?", "Are there friends no more?"
Many of these thoughts were all in my head, I felt really bad about it. Though she apologized claiming it was not a loud event and it happened fast but from the pictures she sent me, I saw the wedding ceremony took place at her grandmother's open compound with chairs and tents all around. I knew preparations for a wedding no matter how fast it is can't be done in one day. So all through the preparation process, she didn't deem it fit to remember to tell me.
I could remember when her grandmother died, I was with her all through for the preparations. My mum knew her aunt and her aunt's husband, so when I told my mum, I wanted to go assist them with the burial preparations, she gave the go-ahead.
I was with them at her grandmother's house a day before the burial, I washed, cleaned, assisted with cooking, and many more, and on the day of the burial, I did triple the work I did the day before. I served their guests, and washed plates. It was as if the ceremony was my family's. Well, that was what I thought because that was how I saw our friendship, I felt we were more like sisters.
So seeing as I suddenly became an outsider hurts me so much but I just let go of the hurt and wished her a happy married life. The whole thing sort of reduced our level of communication.
So you can guess right, when I had my wedding, I didn't deem it fit to invite her nor did I inform her that I was married. I only made sure, I posted the pictures on my Facebook account for her to see and I knew she saw them because she liked the pictures.
After some time, my mum told me she saw my friend and that my friend told her(my mum) she saw I got married not quite long ago and asked why she wasn't invited. My mum gave the response she had given others who asked the same question. "It wasn't a loud event".
I wondered why she didn't call me to ask me personally. I mean, why? She didn't like the taste of her own medicine?
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Hahaha, this is a very beautiful story, sometimes they just need their dose to know how it feels.
Indeed. Thanks for stopping by.
Ouch, I don't like when friends be like this, she could have done the right thing, is it so hard to do, I can't imagine not inviting my best friend to my wedding even if I'm in North Pole or North Korea, she's coming for sure. Sorry how your friendship went down the drain.
I didn't like how things died down between us but I guess it is what it is.
Thank you for stopping by sis.
Yeah some friendship are like that. Just sad. But it's a beautiful story.
Thank you for visiting sis.
That was really deep. Why wouldn't see invite you despite that closeness? That's bad and she tasted the bitterness when you did yours.
Mom gave her the perfect response and I love that. Are you guys still communicating???
We talk once in a while. Just an occasional hello, how is the family, that's all.
Sometimes we realize that to some people we are not as important as they are to us. You realized that when your friend didn't invite you to her wedding despite everything you did for her.
Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
Happy day.
Yes, I sure did.
Thank you for coming around.
It must’ve been dreadful to discover that your best friend failed to invite you to her wedding. You managed to turn the tables on her, but you must’ve been sad, nevertheless, not to have her at your wedding.
Nicely paced and well structured piece of writing.
I was very sad. But I have learned to move on.
Thank you so much for your support.
I can feel the pain. I can't imagine my bestfriend doing that to me. 🥺
The most likely thing was that, "he didn't like the dose", because he took it for granted. He thought she deserved the invitation while you didn't. Dear @rukkie, it often happens that we human beings overvalue some friendly relationship while the other person does not give it the same importance. They feel that they deserve everything and underestimate us, it may be a matter of ego. Everything is happening so fast that we don't realize that the affection is not so reciprocal. Until we take the time to carefully analyze each vivid event in the relationship and perhaps there we will find unexpected answers or things that we did not understand at some specific moment. Maybe you gave 100% in the relationship but she never came close to that percentage. I am referring to what is internal to people, that which we cannot easily see or weigh because it has never surfaced. "The good thing" about an experience as unpleasant as yours is that it teaches us and gives us a great life lesson. Because there may be a great person out there who is dedicated to sharing with us all his friendship and affection and we are so involved in another relationship that the opportunity to enjoy a true friendship may go unnoticed, and we end up accidentally hurting that person so special. The moral is that we must find a way to be willing to embrace real affection wherever it comes from. Because, let's be clear, the best friends are not plentiful and they are not around the corner, Maybe yes?.
Thank you very much for sharing this intimate experience, which addresses a topic as broad as friendship!
I agree with you, after the while thing, I couldn't help but think back about the times shared together which made me realize that I actually gave more. Time, energy and many more.
My experience with her didn't stop me from giving room to other amazing people in my life.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Greetings to you too.
Most people don't like receiving what they give out to others. I can really imagine how hurtful that must have been hearing she had gotten married. For me, things as trivial as telling me you forgot my birthday, I will also remember to forget your birthday. Some people need to learn how hurtful their actions are towards others.
#dreemerforlife
actually in this case the dictum of am eye for an eye can go perfectly well, hehe.
i loved the reaction you gave her, its a nice one hehe
#dreemport
Some people won't just take us as important as we take them, and that could hurt. If I were to be in your shoes as well I wouldn't be bothered to invite such a friend.
#dreemerforlife
I guess your friend did not value the friendship as much as you did. She should have also called you instead of asking your mum why she wasn't invited, I mean what are friends for right?😋
She must have been surprised that you did the same thing to her.
hehehe. I am not going to lie, this one sweet me. So people are not ready to take half of what they dish out. wow!
It is the audacity to even ask for me.
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You know most people do not like it when they receive the same dose they give others.It's a pity what happened to your friendship, I doubt if she valued it same way you did.
#dreemerforlife