The breeze touched his face, and Shawn knew he had reached that point in his life.
"In life, there would come a time where you'd have to make a decision. It's a simple decision but heavy in its simplicity, a step forward or a step backward."
It's not something you can think of ahead of, it's a decision you make solely on the spot...
He remembered the conversation he had about this issue, and now as the decision was brought before him, he had the same conversation with his partner again.
Forward or Back.
The boy who was looking at him seemed so tired compared to when they last talked.
His eyes were hollow and his frame was frail, he had lost his light.
"How long has it been?" He asked Shawn.
"6 months, maybe a year."
"Doesn't seem that long." The boy made to sit down, legs swinging off the edge of his platform.
"Yeah, we have been through a lot, and time somehow has lost its meaning, days just keep rolling by you know." Shawn replied, laughing awkwardly.
He was always like that, always ready to crack a joke, trying to lighten the atmosphere.
Still his back bent a bit more, the load on it kept on stacking.
"During that time we made a lot more friends."
"Experienced a lot with them too," Shawn interjected.
"Spoke with them, consoled them, gave advice and did our best to support."
"Yet at the end of the day, it is still just you and me huh." Shawn replied with a dry chuckle, no humor found in the forced laugh.
"So, Shawn, my old buddy, old pal, Forward or Back."
"We've been on this road before and that time we went back, didn't really leave us better off."
"Yeah, but we don't know what is even there forward, it's all dark y'know."
"Yeah, it sounds quiet, sounds peaceful."
"While out back, it's so warm and bright back there, you just gotta remove your shades for a bit."
"It's exhausting." Shawn complains while shaking his head.
"The light, the noise, the mixture of good and bad, the uncertainties and the absolutes that so easily switch up for someone else."
"I don't get it. Thousands of people move forward everyday, why can't I take that step?" Shawn asked, his eyes red from tears.
"Well, in actuality you can, no one is stopping you, just yourself."
"So you'd leave everyone else in the warm and step into the cold and dark?"
"What if they come and try to find you?"
"They wouldn't be that stupid." Shawn replied.
"You know they are. We are the ones who normally hold them back."
"They'd find others..."
"And what if they don't?"
"You're trying to guilt trip me now?"
"I'm just asking you to not be so selfish Shawn!"
"I've always been selfless, gave for my parents, gave for my siblings, gave for my friends. I'm tired now, this one is for me."
"So you'd just go, no notes, no goodbyes, nothing."
"Goodbyes are messy and it's hard for me to come up with such a selfish thing to say and smile about it."
"You're the only one I can be myself with."
"You're a fool Shawn."
"I know."
Shawn smiled as he stood up, looking at the mirror leaning on the wall and he saw the boy, his best friend and the person who knew him the most looked at him back.
He didn't approve of the decision and Shawn didn't want to look at him, he stood at the edge, forward or backwards.
He knew the implications of this decision, he knew the people he carried, the people who had carried him, everybody related to him and whose lives were tied through him.
Yet at that moment, all that mattered, all that was there, was him.
He took a step.
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