Hi @caroolina. Thank you for sharing your interesting story in The Ink Well. It's a beautiful and compelling story.
We have some feedback for you. First, you wrote a fictional story and posted it for the creative nonfiction prompt. Be sure to learn the difference between fiction (made up stories) and creative nonfiction (real life stories). At the top of the creative nonfiction post, you will find a link to our article on Creative Nonfiction Tips which explains this genre.
Second, please always remember to read through your story carefully prior to posting. You will nearly always find errors to fix which you were not even aware of.
Here are a few examples.
In this paragraph, you switched to male pronouns for Lily:
A distant murmur was his only response. With flashlight in hand, he stepped into the darkness, slowly ascending the stairs. As he progressed, the tension increased. As he reached the landing, he noticed that the loft door was ajar, letting a faint light escape.
When translating content, be sure to check over all the pronouns. For example, if the main character is a female, you could search for "he," "him," and "his," and if they are pertaining to the female character, then change them to "she," "her," and "hers."
Additionally, you wrote one paragraph completely in Spanish:
Sin tiempo para pensar, Lily agarró la esfera de cristal y salió corriendo de la casa. La lluvia golpeaba su rostro mientras atravesaba la oscuridad hacia el faro, cuya luz había sido apagada por la tormenta.
Third, be sure to check out our article, How to write dialogue in fiction to learn how to use the correct format for dialogue.
Good luck and keep writing!
hello dear community, sorry i had problems with the translation. thank you for correcting the details, it helps me to improve.