There are lessons to be learnt from fast food franchises.
Starbucks
On rare occasion, when my defenses are low, I am enticed by a person-to-remain-unnamed into going to Starbucks. I don't get anything there, but "Person" does. Normally this is not a problem. As I do the driving usually, I wait in the car and Person goes in and gets the cream-and-coffee-flavored sugar water.
With COVID, nearly all Starbucks are drive-thru only. This is a problem. It is a very big problem.
Under COVID restrictions, I must drive a large pickup truck through the eye of the needle that is called a Starbucks drive-thru. They are all squished into strip malls and shrunk down so as to retain the greatest amount of remaining parking spaces. The drive-thru usually has a 90 degree, hairpin turn as well. So, they are perfect when you are driving through in your golf cart or adult trike.
This obstacle course can be carefully navigated. There have been instances where I've put the truck into reverse a couple of times and wedged around the turn. However, the ordering sign cannot be avoided. It is a scary thing. The sign has very many, very large, and very pretty pictures. These are not helpful, they are just pretty. The sign has a book written on it in very small font. The book is titled "Menu." There are normally between 20 and 30 cars behind you in line. They seem anxious. Upon pulling up to the book, a robotic voice immediately requests your order. "Umm, I'm on the title," I say.
Fortunately, due to prior calamities, Person has memorized and rehearsed the order. It is delivered in monologue. The monologue swooshes from the passenger's seat, across my face, into the robotic sign, out the robotic person's headphones, and into that person's head. Usually there is a question or two to confirm something or other and a message is sent back...robot-->robotic sign-->swoosh across face-->Person. Repeat a time or two. This is how NASA does it..."Mission Control Houston, understand push green button, confirm?" "Roger that Eagle One, affirmative on green button push, confirm?" "Understood go ahead green button push, commencing in 3-2-1."
Then there is the presentation of gift cards. Often, there are two gift cards involved. Person explains that one has a smidgen left on it that should be used up first, then the remaining balance is to be used by the other. These two wrenches in the system can muck up the engine of Starbucks. An assembly line moves at the pace of the slowest worker. It shuts down if one worker takes a bathroom break. Now there are 50 cars lined up behind.
The order person, err barista, or orderista, gets confused. Something is wrong, or it's "not in the computer", or the gift card won't read. Something is wrong. The orderista must flag down a manager. There are many people back in there and they are all running to and fro. No one looks happy. Everyone looks annoyed that all these people are coming to their coffee stand and ordering coffee. One of these franticristas is the manager. Managerista comes over, punches buttons, buttons, buttons, then announces, "it's not in the computer."
60 cars now.
Once, this worked to our advantage. Managerista finally said, "You're all set. Have a nice day." That was translation for, "Screw it, the line is backing up, this one is on the house."
Still, it is stressful.
Note: On rare occasions I've ordered coffee for myself. I order coffee, just black coffee. The clerk, err barista, looks at me funny, then pours it. It is terrible. Starbucks coffee, the actual coffee, is terrible. It is a flavoring that is added in teaspoons and tablespoons to their signature drinks to masquerade an 800 calorie concoction as "a coffee." Drinking Starbucks coffee black is akin to drinking a bottle of vanilla extract. Ever done that? It's terrible.
Although I've had a coffee from Starbucks a few times, I don't know is I've ever finished a coffee from Starbucks. The bottom two fingers are usually pitched. There is a sassy and rebellious joy I receive from arcing the remaining dregs as far away from me as possible.
Starbucks lessons:
- Try to not go there.
- If you go, pray for patience first. (I've literally done this.)
- If you go, simplify by ordering coffee, black, then pitch it out and make your own at home.
Chic-Fil-A
Being an international power, you would think Starbucks might look around and learn. They need to look at Chic-Fil-A. The chicken place does it right.
Chic-Fil-A is amazing as they daily have a line of cars wrapped around the store. It's been two years since I've been there, inside, but it was mobbed inside. As soon as I walked in and saw the Disney-sized mob, I said, "Nope," and planned to leave. But, with free sandwich coupon in hand, I pushed on.
Chic-Fil-A does it right. The line went fast. While standing in line several people deep, a nice looking kid came over and took our order. And he was polite. The line went surprisingly fast...step up, say your name or number or something, here's your order. Wow. Easy.
Yesterday, Person and I rode by the local Chic-Fil-A. The line of cars wrapped well around the store. I saw and counted five employees walking the line of cars taking orders, getting things set up. I imagine the line went pretty quickly. They do it right.
Starbucks, look and learn.
Chic-Fil-A lessons
- Hire enough employees and put them in the the right positions.
- Hire a high school kid at minimum wage and put him or her in the parking lot taking orders. In only one or two orders per hour, that kid's hourly wage is already covered.
- Don't be so conceited so as to think you can't learn from someone else.
Waffle House
The granddaddy of fast food gurus is the Waffle House. First, there is the waitress, err server. The server takes your order, simple enough. Then, she begins to bark across the entire restaurant while reading from her order pad, "Ordering! Two eggs, over hard, link sausage, hash browns. Omelette, pepper-jack, onions, green pepper, red pepper, bacon bits, mushrooms. Side hash browns. Country skillet, works, hold the hot peppers, extra mushrooms. Side sausage patty. Kids breakfast, over easy, one link sausage one patty."
Then she flips the order book shut and commences to pouring orange juice, chocolate milk, and coffee.
Then, there is the Waffle House chef. There is no other person on the planet who has reached the same level of enlightenment as a Waffle House chef.
While the server has been barking across the restaurant, the chef has been frantically juggling five previous orders. Those prior orders are flailed out on his grill in some sort of electrical engineer schematic. His stainless steel flipper never stops. It scoops, nudges, turns, spins, pokes, pierces, and presses at everything on the grill. There is a gentle, rhythmic and melodic sound created by his steel flipper as it sweeps and chinks its patterns, underscored by bacon sizzle. This is continual and it's mesmerizing. Yet, all the while he's conducting this breakfast symphony, the Waffle House chef has been listening to the server's bark.
And actually, when she said, "Two eggs...", a deft observer would have noticed the hands of the Waffle House chef-conductor swoop over to the crate of eggs he has handy. The hand would quickly grab, crack, pour the eggs onto the grill, and discard the shell. This is all done in one motion. Then the stainless flipper is back to poking and flipping and such. The other items, the sausage, hash browns, etc. also miraculously appear on the grill as well and the symphony carries on with the slightest additional accompaniment of the new order.
I do not know what Waffle House chefs are paid, but it is not enough. They could easily walk away and take up a high-paying job in the tech sector building complex systems to solve complex problems. I'm sure it is the love of the craft and of the art that keeps them.
After the newly barked order has been arrayed onto the grill, one of the five prior orders is quickly shoveled onto a clean white plate and the chef hollers, "Order up!" The order is promptly delivered by the server.
The Waffle House is a masterful artwork example of efficiency.
Aside from the daily and constant wonders of the Waffle House machinery, there is the Waffle House Index. The WHI is used in times of natural disasters such as hurricanes. Apparently, Waffle Houses have an efficient plan in place for times like these. Yes, it is a real thing and, yes, it is used by FEMA.
Suppose a hurricane hits. FEMA and news agencies want to know how bad the situation really is, hyperbole aside. There are three levels to the WHI:
- low - The local Waffle House is operating with a full menu and has full hours. The hurricane wasn't too bad.
- medium - The local Waffle House is open, but operating with a limited menu or hours. It was bad, but people are picking up the pieces and life is creeping back.
- high - The local Waffle House is closed. The situation is bad. Society has broken down. It is every man for himself and law-and-order is questionable at this point.
The Waffle House is amazing. It greases the cogs of American society on daily and nightly basis through its sustenance. And, it remedies the nation in times of crisis. It's amazing.
Waffle House lessons
- A business should strive for efficiency.
- It's good to have a plan in place first.
What have we learned?
The fast food lessons are summed here:
- Put the right people in the right place to be successful.
- Have a plan.
- Strive for efficiency.
- Learn from others.
- Try to avoid Starbucks.
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