The Weight Of What's Yet To Come.

Huhm, to be honest, my biggest fear is the fear of the future. That fear of what's lurking around the corner, the fear of tomorrow, next week, next year...a lot of times I lie down wide awake in the midnight thinking of a whole lot of things I still haven't been able to figure out yet, I think of things that could go wrong, I think of failure even before beginning. And it goes beyond the fear of the unknown, it's the fear of not being enough for whatever the future demands of me.

While growing up, it's always about, "just work hard, just study your books well..." And the likes, but as I got older, I found out that the kind of world we live in is one which doesn't reward our efforts that fast. You can do everything right and still not get the expected results. That waiting space between effort and results is something else entirely, there are things you would have poured your all into an at the end, you get little as results. And I can't help but ask myself if I would ever make it, if I wouldn't end up disappointing everyone who believes in me, or even end up disappointing myself.

I have tried my best to silence those thoughts, I have tried pretending to be fine, I've smiled and posted a lot of things on the Internet, I've told myself I was fine, I had told people I was doing absolutely well. But deep down, I knew I wasn't. This dear had followed me everywhere, from class to exam halls, to simple daily choices and the likes. And sincerely it's not just about the big things, there are times I get scared even on little things, just the thought of not doing enough today or on a particular thing makes me anxious about tomorrow or the next thing to do.

Though, I've come to learn that the fear of the future isn't one you can defeat or do away with, no, it's something one should come to understand. We should understand that every effort and every steps taken really count. I found out that first off, I need to stop obsessing over "what if" and focus on"what now" that way things are a lot better. I celebrate my little wins, appreciate myself for putting effort, breathe and try again another day.

The fear of the future still makes their way to my thoughts sometimes, I still get pressured, uncertain and all. Jus that now, I've stopped panicking l, anytime it comes, I counter it with faith and reassure myself, and the fact that I'm even scared means I care about what lies ahead of me and can still face it.

No one really knows the future, but still we step into it, we take steps while doing our best and trusting that we will cross the bridge when we get there and who knows, maybe that's enough to us going.

All pictures are mine.

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